And, Verily, The Lamb Shall Tasteth Good In A Mint Jelly Sauce
And He Shall Eat Until His Belly Is Filled
(He Being…Umm…Unclear…Paul Soros, Maybe?)
“For anyone who’s thinking about Occupy Wall Street and saying, ‘you know, they made a good point,’ we’re going to do a little critical thinking today, and one of them is this. When the lion lays down with the lamb, that’s when Jesus comes. In the meantime, the lion eats the lamb. Another name for lamb? Sheep! Stop being sheep, America! Otherwise, he will eat you!”
– Glenn Beck
Sticking It To Unions Is Just A Bonus
“With the global economy still very fragile, our government is committed to protecting Canada’s economy.”
– Conservative Labour Minister Lisa Raitt on the threat to legislate potentially striking Air Canada picketers back to work
Clearly, There Is An Urban Legend In The United States That Rendition And Guantanamo Secure Individual Liberties, That Illegal Wiretapping Safeguards Privacy
“[C]learly there is an urban legend here in Canada that somehow the United States doesn’t care about individual liberties, the United States doesn’t care about privacy. That is very false.”
– US Ambassador David Jacobson about border talks with Canada
Until You Define The Word, After Which No Accent Can Make It Appealing
“If you say oophorectomy with a French accent, it sounds very sexy, and not at all like you’re getting your ovaries and fallopian tubes out.”
– Robyn Levy
Who Wishes We Hadn’t Gutted Our Manufacturing Sector Now? Hunh? Who Wishes We Hadn’t Gutted Our Manufacturing Sector Now?
“Defeat of the Keystone Pipeline proposal will orphan Canada’s only economic trump card for years or forever.”
– Diane Francis, National Post
And, We Pat Them On The Head Every Chance We Get To Remind Them Of How Much We Value Them
“Our blacks are so much better than their blacks.”
– Ann Coulter, comparing Herman Cain to Barack Obama
But, Good Hair Runs A Close Second
“Money is probably the most highly overrated thing in the world.”
– Rick Perry
Really? Then, Why Are You Taking A Long Position On Gun Manufacturers And Canned Foods Producers?
“A global recession would completely negate our current thesis on equities, but historical analysis suggests that U.S. recession concerns are premature…”
– JPMorgan analyst Thomas Lee
It Takes A Brave Man To Side With Mass Murdering Terrorists
(Unless He Was Being Satirical That Day…)
“Lord’s Resistance Army are Christians. They are fighting the Muslims in Sudan. And Obama has sent troops, United States troops to remove them from the battlefield, which means kill them.”
– Rush Limbaugh on President Obama’s decision to send 100 troops to Uganda to advise the government on how to fight the LRA
Let’s Keep Them In Question Period Where They Belong
“Bullying, homophobia, intolerance and incivility have no place in our schools.”
– Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird, responding to the suicide of 15 year-old Jamie Hubley
Republicans Would Prefer Their Strategy To Be Left Uncommented Upon
“Some in this town have actually condoned the pitting of Americans against Americans.”
– Republican Representative Eric Cantor on the Occupy Wall Street protests
It’s Better Left To Charlie Sheen?
“A literary novelist writing a genre novel is like an intellectual dating a porn star.”
– Glen Duncan, New York Times
Putting The “Pass” Back in Compassionate Conservativism
“Don’t blame Wall Street. Don’t blame big banks. If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself.”
– Republican Presidential hopeful Herman Cain
Is That Before Or After They Say, “Rob, Have You Seen My Meds?”
“Taxpayers of this city – overwhelming, wherever I go, as of yesterday, as of last night – Saturday – they have told me, I’m talking 90 per cent, nine out of every 10 people I meet say, ‘Rob, stay the course.'”
– Toronto Mayor Rob Ford
Be Careful What You Wish For – It’s Hard To Be Adorkable In Your 60s
“I have so much fun. And, just the thought of doing it for a long time is actually really exciting to me…”
– actor Zooey Deschanel on her role in the TV show The New Girl
Be Sure To Say Hi To Him If You Meet Him
“I continue to believe, as I quoted Henry D. Thoreau in this space when I first reported to prison in March 2008, that ‘Under a government which imprisons unjustly, the true place for a just man is also in prison.”
– Conrad Black
The Fact That We Have No Original Ideas To Offer Didn’t Enter Into The Calculation
“The American people shouldn’t be forced to watch some politician they don’t want to listen to when most of them would rather watch a football game.”
– House Speaker John Boehner on why Republicans didn’t offer a televised response to President Obama’s address to Congress on jobs
I’d Like To Get Back To Abusing Women In Private, Now
“These past two and a half months have been a nightmare for me and my family.”
– Dominique Strauss-Kahn
Keep Talking Like That, And You’ll Be Back To It In No Time
“And by the way, did I mention? They’re shooting at us. There is law-enforcement security in this room right now, and why is that? If you think this job pays too much, with those kinds of risks and cutting me off from my family business, I’ll just tell you: This job don’t mean that much to me. I had a good life in Panama City.”
– Florida Republican Representative Steve Southerland
And, If I Can’t, Then Fuck You!
“I hope I can be excused for saying the f-word.”
– Toronto Mayor Rob Ford
And, When We Find One Done Right, We’ll Make Sure Never To Do THAT Again!
“Done right, they [public-private partnerships] can benefit everyone.”
Tom Anselmi
Prominent Republican Repudiates 30 Years Of Party Policy!
“Class warfare may make for really good politics, but it makes for rotten economics.”
– Republican Paul Ryan