201) Is King Lear more synergy or sinned against?
a) hmm…he divided his kingdom so that his daughters could rule different parts of it instead of relying on the savings that would naturally come from consolidating his realm’s bureaucracy in a single, central location – no synergy there, so obviously, he was more sinned against
b) madness is the new synergy
c) who is King Lear?
202) Former aboriginal leader David Ahenakew, who is on trial for promoting hatred against Jews, stated, “I’m sorry for what I said. I won’t do it again unless absolutely forced to.” What would absolutely force him to make anti-Semitic remarks again?
a) the federal government suggesting that maybe it’s time to possibly reconsider how the money it gives to Canada’s native peoples is, you know, distributed and spent
b) thinking he’s speaking off the record
c) having a hangnail
203) Even so, does Ahenakew deserve to go to jail?
a) you gotta take the fun out of everything, don’t you? I’ll bet you’re the type of person who goes to parties and criticizes everybody else’s small talk – if you’re so great at small talk, how come you never competed in it at the Olympics?
b) no – he should be forced to watch Shoah every day for the rest of his life
c) hey! We’d be doing him a favour – the suicide rate is much lower in jail than on a native reserve
204) What is a theocracy?
a) government of the Theo, by the Theo, for the Theo
b) what you call other governments run by religious fanatics
c) a country in the Middle East
205) Japan has lodged a formal protest against the government of China for looking the other way while violent anti-Japanese protests took place. Why do many people in China hate Japan so much?
a) because Ho-Tsien, The Farm Worker From the Provinces Who Leads the Proletariat Revolution isn’t nearly as popular as Steamboy and other Japanese anime
b) Japanese schoolbooks refer to the Japanese war crime The Rape of Nanking as The Mild Tickling of Nanking
c) who cares? That’s on the other side of the world, and you’re making me miss this week’s episode of The Office
206) You really don’t know who King Lear is?
a) hey! – I got an MBA – leave me alone!
b) it’s, uhh, the name of a Jenna Jameson film, isn’t it?
c) I blame a public school education
207) What is the main difference between the American Association of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists?
a) the American Association of Obstetricians and Gynecologists doesn’t actually exist
b) entrance into the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists requires rigorous medical training and testing, while entrance into the American Association of Pro-Life Obstetricians and Gynecologists (which does exist) requires rigorous knowledge of the 10 commandments
c) the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has rejected a link between abortion and breast cancer on the weight of the evidence, while the American Association of Pro-Life Obstetricians and Gynecologists insists that there is a link based on faith
208) Why is Jane Fonda starring in the regressive film Monster-In-Law?
a) at her age, she’d happily star in a dog food commercial if one was offered to her – and, dammit, why isn’t anybody offering one to her?
b) the script she agreed to star in was a sensitive exploration of abortion rights – damn the Hollywood committee rewrite machine to Hell!
c) she’s still atoning for going to Hanoi during the Vietnam War – WHEN WILL THE POOR WOMAN BE FORGIVEN, ALREADY?
209) What is net.art?
a) what you’re left with after you have subtracted all of your expenses from your gross.art
b) what appears on your screen after you’ve hit the panic button on your computer so that your boss won’t know you’ve actually been looking at the Girls With Eyepatches Web page
c) if you have to ask, you can’t afford it (and a lot of it is free…)
210) Why does Stephen Harper want an election in June?
a) the sponsorship scandal is a national crisis (except when it’s more convenient to refer to it as a Liberal Party crisis) that requires the judgment of all Canadians
b) we need to replace a politician who has been in Parliament for decades with a politician who isn’t quite out of diapers (the issue, obviously, being leadership)
c) he has better hair than Paul Martin
211) Why does Paul Martin want an election next January?
a) so much surplus, so little time to lavish it on potential Liberal voters
b) seven months in political years is actually 49 months in real time
c) it’s more than enough time for the attack poodles of the press to be distracted by another shiny object (“Oh, look! Is that a celebrity murder trial?”)
212) What is “that Jihadic feeling?”
a) the latest Coke campaign in the Cola Wars (I’m already having trouble getting the jingle out of my head)
b) what the head of white supremacist group Aryan Nations urged his followers to get after praising Al Qaeda militants (as if those two groups weren’t scary enough separately)
c) it’s kind of a warm sensation in your upper intestines (but there is a pill for that)
213) Why would anybody want to have the Global Positioning System in their car?
a) it’s for men who are getting really sick of hearing jokes about how they never ask for directions
b) after they pull the cell phone out of their asses, they can let the emergency services people know exactly where they crashed
c) so they can keep track of which state the back of the Hummer is in relative to the front
214) What is a Madrasa?
a) a snake-headed woman whose gaze can turn you to stone
b) someone crazy on da ganga, mon…no, wait, dat’s a mad rasta
c) where some Arab children go to play, meet other children and learn how to resist the world Zionist conspiracy with deadly violence
215) How does Tom DeLay intend to make judges “answer for their behaviour?”
a) he will end up having so many criminal charges laid against him that they will all find him in front of them
b) he will force them to compete against Judge Judy for ratings on daytime television
216) According to native chief Terrance Nelson, coverage of the David Ahenakew hate crime trial will “surely cause natives to hate Jews even more then some of them do now and what Jews fear the most, active promotion of hatred against Jews in Canada will only rise dramatically amongst natives as they make a martyr out of an old man.” What is wrong with this statement?
a) Nelson used the word “then” when he meant to use the word “than” – damn you, spell check!
b) actually, what Jews fear most is not getting a seat with a good sight line for the Torah in synagogue during Passover, but active promotion of hatred against Jews in Canada is a close second
c) the part where he warns of making a martyr out of an old man – he should know that only the good die young
217) Why is the European Union renewing arms sales to China bad, while the United States renewing arms sales to Haiti good?
a) China is actually a viable nation state
b) broken China is difficult to clean up off the kitchen floor, and somebody inevitably gets cuts on their feet
218) Who is a more unlikely couple than Paul Martin and Jack Layton?
a) Desi and Luci
b) Mother Teresa and Ignatz Mouse
c) Fred Astaire and Albert Camus
d) Oliver Wendell Holmes and Doctor Watson
e) Theda Bara and Jerzy Kosinski
f) other
219) Which of the following Bush administration upper court nominees was rejected because of their Christian faith?
a) Carolyn Kuhl, whose belief that mankind was given the environment by god to do with as we see fit would lead her to seek to overturn most environmental protections
b) Priscilla Owen, whose belief that only those who are without sin should be throwing stones led her to make decisions favourable to corporations that bankrolled her judicial campaigns, such as Enron and Dow Chemical
c) Timothy Tymkovich, who argued against Medicaid funding of abortion even in cases of rape and ince – no, wait, his appointment wasn’t even opposed. Sorry. Make that John Roberts, another abortion opponent who argued that public schools should be allowed to hold religious graduation ceremonies…no, he was appointed unopposed, as well. Uhh, Mr. Frist, could you maybe give us some examples…?
220) What was the most important factor in the choosing of Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger as the new Pope?
a) as a young man, he was a member of the Hitler Youth (so, he obviously wasn’t a Nazi)
b) he has written that the pedophilia scandal the Church is undergoing in the west was an attempt by the press to discredit the Church (so, he obviously has compassion for young victims of predatory Priests)
c) he has written that homosexuality is a mental disorder (so, his Church will include people of all sexual orientations)