1) What is “Stiff-person Syndrome?”
a) an unkind way of talking about Ron DeSantis’ campaign style
b) a kind way of talking about Ron DeSantis’ campaign style
c) a way of talking about a porn star’s acting style which may be kind or unkind depending upon the context
2) What does “abracadabra” mean?
a) I create as I speak
b) I chew gum as I walk
c) I cater a party for twelve as I make rude hand gestures at passing scooter drivers
3) What is a “grawlix?”
a) %&#@ if I know!
b) if you have to ask, you can’t %&#@[^) afford it
c) context, ![}$/[+! Figure it out from %&#@[^) context!
4) What is “sea-lioning?”
a) is sea-lioning a real term or one you just made up? Can you prove that it’s an actual term that describes an actual behaviour that people actually do? Where is it defined? Can you give examples? I’m not trying to be provocative – I’m just interested in learning more. No, that definition is cra – I mean, it doesn’t really explain anything, does it? – and, anyway, nobody trusts anything on Wiwipedia – can you give me another definition? I really would like to understand what you’re talking about. And those 27 examples you gave don’t prove anything – can you please try to find one that’s relevant so I can know that you are serious about defining this word? Thanks. I always appreciate learning new things through civil discussion…
b) following a fad diet consisting of squid and salt water
c) gaslighting with a question mark instead of an exclamation mark at the end
5) What is “collateral estoppal?”
a) when killing an estoppal gets messy and innocent people around it get hurt
b) when you use estoppal to secure a bank loan
c) a legal term which I will not bother to define: if you are a lawyer, you already know what it is, and if you’re not a lawyer, your eyes started glazing over the moment I said that it was a legal term
6) What is “skimpflation?”
a) when clothing companies use less fabric to make bikinis (possibly a bastardization of the term “skinflation”)
b) what you get when you inflate a common field skimp with a bicycle pump (instead of calling in Animal Control, as any normal person would)
c) what you get when you inflate a hyperventilating mountain skimp with an air pump (instead of calling in the National Guard, as any normal person would)
7) What does it mean to “coddiwomple?”
a) it’s a port man toe word that means to systematize a nun’s headgear
b) to support Gandalf’s statement that, “All who wander are not lost,” but in an archaic way
c) to waste people’s time by asking them to fill out surveys that contain no right…umm…answers…
8) Why don’t we use the word any more?
a) we live in such cynical times!
b) the headgear of nuns hasn’t needed to be systematized since the 1630s
c) nobody has trusted a wizard since the 1630s
9) What are you saying about somebody or something if you accuse them or it of being “umbrusous?”
a) they are something that lives in a shady habitat (like a frog, a toad or an RNC chair)
b) they get angry when you point out that they shouldn’t leave the house without an umbrella
c) they take umbrage at umber
10) What are you saying about somebody if you refer to them as a “blobtit?”
a) they look like a dirty Rorschach ink blot
b) they look like a small bird that has become fat and complacent eating popcorn, bread and the occasional steak tartar that is thrown at them by people who like to feel they support nature even though they would rather not live in it
c) I could tell you, but I’m no blobtit
11) What does “to siffilate” mean?
a) to be attracted to Stifler’s mom (ask your parents – they won’t admit to knowing the film reference, but just watching their faces turn red will be worth it)
b) it means the same thing as “sibilate,” but without the air of aggrieved braggadocio
c) it’s a sciency term, so nobody knows what it means
12) What is “Abrysvo?”
a) the name of a character in a Thomas Pynchon novel
b) the name of a character in an AI-generated version of a Thomas Pynchon novel
c) the name of the author of an AI-generated version of a Thomas Pynchon novel
13) What is a “wombstone?”
a) a moonstone that was brought down to Earth
b) a ground marker referring to all of the children Bill Clanton wouldn’t have after being killed at the OK Corral
c) please! I’m trying to eat a pleasant breakfast and you ask me this‽ I thought this was a family publication!
14) What is one doing when one is “sundowning?”
a) humming softly to a Gordon Lightfoot tune, annoying everybody in the office who come to mistakenly believe there is an insect flying around their desk
b) finding out that management didn’t mean it when they assured you that the worst parts of the new contract didn’t apply to employees who had been around as long as you had
c) watching the sun go down on the lake from the safety of your concrete bunker
15) What is “box blocking?”
a) please! I’m trying to watch The Human Centipede with my son, and you ask me this‽ I thought this was a family publication! Junior, cover your ears! I don’t want to have to wash your mouth out with soap tomorrow!
b) when you stand in front of the television set to protest Junior not doing the dishes
c) when you stand astride the front door and refuse to accept the package from Amazon that Junior ordered from his room when you refused to let him watch television because he hadn’t done the dishes
16) What is “toxic positivity?”
a) oh, that’s just a silly little term used by silly little people to undermine the joy I’m feeling at this moment. Life is full of sunshine and puppies and ice cream and there is no need to fixate on bad things. I know, I know you’re having trouble being able to afford to eat this month, but isn’t it great that we have food banks to help people who are in that situation? Of course it is! What’s that? Your son doesn’t listen to you when you insist that he do his homework? Yeah, I can see that. Still, children are such a joy, don’t you think? What a privilege it is to bring a new life into this world! There is nothing more beautiful than the bond between – what’s that, sir? Terminal cancer? You…you have my condolences, of course. Still, when you look back on your life, don’t you feel a sense of wonder at all that you experienced? Just being alive is the ultimate privilege! Toxic positivity? Oh, psshh! There’s no such thing!
b) a psychiatric diagnosis that would have been applied to Dr. Pangloss if he had lived in modern times
c) a 1970s punk band
17) What is “excited delirium?”
a) how parents imagine their children have sex
b) how children imagine their parents have sex – ewwwwww!
c) a “Get Out of Jail Free” card for murderous cops
d) Toxic Positivity’s first number one single
18) What is a “mood board?”
a) a nail file that glows different colours depending upon how you feel about breaking the state of your cuticles
b) a Ouija that glows different colours depending upon how the spirit you’re channelling through it feels about being pulled away from its eternal rest to answer your questions about whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you
c) a group of corporate executives that glows different colours depending upon how the company’s annual earnings will affect their bonuses
19) What does the Japanese word “shouganai” mean?
a) “This island nation ain’t big enough for the both of us – and I’m not gonna leave!”
b) “I don’t understand emojis, so I’m just gonna write ‘shrug…'”
c) “I think it means, ‘It’s all good,’ but if you disagree, shouganai!”
20) What the hell is “value capture?”
a) what in an earlier, simpler time was known as “profit gouging”
b) a necessary element of “vulture capitalism”
c) if you have to ask, you can’t afford it (but you’ll pay anyway – oh, will you pay!)