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What the Ferk, Headlines‽

Buy Them Each Cars
If They’re Still Infants, They’ll Grow Into Them


“How can I convince stepkids divorce was not my fault?”

Toronto Star


I Know, Right?
I’d Much Prefer The Random Dingoes


“Oh so we’re doing random video chat again?”

Toronto Star


You’re The Sort Of Newspaper That Would Ask How The Doctor Was Doing In The Middle Of Your Heart By-pass Surgery, Aren’t You?


“PANDEMIC: ONE YEAR LATER
Ottawa mounted a massive response to the COVID-19 crisis and the economic damage it has caused. Was it good enough?”

Toronto Star


Not If The Province Has Any Say In The Matter, It Won’t!


“Will Toronto’s strategy work?”

Toronto Star


Do They Have Donald Trump’s Tax Returns?
If They Don’t, How Big Can Their Secrets Be?


“Will Harry and Meghan reveal big secrets?”

Toronto Star


The Anti-Sikh Racism Would Have Remained Local?


“What if…Singh had stayed at Queen’s Park?”

Toronto Star


Those COVID Relief Bills Aren’t Going To Pay For Themselves!


“Why is this not the time to end arms sales to the Saudis?”

Toronto Star


To Not Be Dicks


“What are our sperm telling us?”

New York Times


Not Unless You’re Willing To Bit Off More Than You Can Eschew


“Should you invest in bitcoin?”

Toronto Star


So Far, I Haven’t Seen Any Of It, So I Would Say…No?


“Is he putting his money in all the right places?”

Toronto Star


I’m Thinking…Get It?


“When it comes to vaccination, what’s a senior to do?”

Toronto Star


If It Bleeds, It Leads


“Will Conservatives reopen abortion debate?”

Toronto Star


Absolutely! I’m Not Going To Let Something Like The Fact That I Have Three Left Feet Or I Don’t Know What TikTok Is (I Thought It Was A Breath Mint Until Somebody Convinced Me Otherwise) Get In The Way Of My Native Can-do-itness!


“So you think you can learn to dance like a TikTok star?”

Toronto Star


Not Convening A Panel Of Male Experts To Study The Question Would Be A Good Start


“How do we kick-start a ‘she-covery’?”

Toronto Star


The Gamestop Effect


“Why are clean-energy stocks in free fall?”

Toronto Star


Family Dynasty Solidarity


“Why does Trudeau still back the monarchy?”

Toronto Star


Faster Than A Speeding Ballot


“How fast is Ontario vaccinating people?”

Toronto Star


Doug Ford Created A Ministry Of Hypnosis (Then Used it To Convince The Province To Forget About It)


“How are the Conservatives more popular than ever?”

Toronto Star


To Get Back At That Two-timing Bastard AND Get A Great Tan? Baby, I Was Born Ready!


“Revenge travel is coming. Are you ready?”

Toronto Star


Kenney? Or, Kent, He?


“Does UCP unrest spell trouble for Jason Kenney?”

Toronto Star


This Train Wreck Is More Popular Than Ever – Does That Answer Your Question?


“Is ‘OK’ good enough for Ontarians?”

Toronto Star


Cloning Is A Popular Literary Option These Days


“I want ‘more’ from him. What should I do?”

Toronto Star


That’s Kind Of The Definition


“Is fashion changing?”

Toronto Star


Making Way For Nkwame Would Be Better


“As royals reel, shouldn’t Charles make way for William?”

Toronto Star


We Have So Much Land, We Don’t Need Much Imagination


“Can’t our democracy think any bigger?”

Toronto Star


Yes. It’s Called Salad


“Does truly delicious plant-based cheese exist?”

Toronto Star


Surely, The Good Gord Will Provide


“Is it time to end Catholic school funding?”

Toronto Star


Trees Will Breath Easier…As Will The Planet…


“What if Books Disappear?”

New York Times


Sorry, But I’m NOT That Kind Of Advice Columnist!


“What’s the best way to help my depressed boyfriend?”

Toronto Star


The Abyssedarians?


“Who needs the monarchy?”

Toronto Star


What Are The Odds?


“Will coverage of the effects of gambling addiction continue?”

Toronto Star


Spring In Ireland, But With More Oompah Bands


“What will spring in Toronto look like?”

Toronto Star


Maybe, But Isn’t The Horizon Closer?


“Is COVID-19’s end still beyond the horizon?”

Toronto Star


If They’re Still Legislating By Train, They Deserve It!


“Could new trade agreement with the U.S. derail Ottawa’s plans to regulate social media giants?”

Toronto Star


For Gord’s Sake, Will Nobody Think Of The Adults‽


“The Divorce Act has grown up – will we?”

Toronto Star


The Local Newspaper


“Who gets ‘cancelled’ when racism is called out?”

Toronto Star


More Like A Low-powered Chocolate Mousse Squid Tart

“Novel of ideas or high-octane thriller?”


Toronto Star


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