by FREDERICA VON McTOAST-HYPHEN, Alternate Reality News Service People Writer
There are times when looking away is appropriate. When somebody steals the purse of the little old lady sitting opposite you on the subway, for instance, the proper response is…not to look away, actually, but to call the cops and identify the thief.
Okay. Bad example. Let’s say you…witness a colleague at your office harassing a gay co-worker. The right thing to do in such a situation is obviously to look a…aaat them and tell them you will report them to HR if they don’t stop it immediately.
Hmm. Sexual harassment of a waitress? No. A drunk intimidating a family at a baseball game? Definitely no. Aliens destroying the seat of your government? Maaaaaayb – okay, no. Looking away doesn’t seem to be a good method for dealing with truths you would rather not acknowledge.
Despite this, Jews who supported the Israeli government of Benjamin Netanyahu-Manatee while it committed genocide against the people of Gaza are…circumspect about their behaviour during the mass slaughter.
“I…I didn’t know what was happening,” said bank manager/circus clown Joshua Delavitt-Arlevyitt. Really? The siege of Gaza was front page news for months and you had no idea what was happening? “I…I have red hair.”
“I believed, and still do, that Israel has a right to defend itself,” said circus clown/advertising account executive Naomi Hashemi-Biorplatz. “By the time I realized that the Israeli government had engaged in war crimes, the war was over.” Seriously? The bombing of hospitals, mosques and aid convoys was well documented while the war was going on and you had no idea what was happening? “I…I have 30 per cent loss of hearing in my left ear.”
The problem – “That’s my dominant ear,” Hashemi-Biorplatz interrupted. Noted. The problem people who now claim to have looked away from the genocide have is that they actively supported it online while it was going on.
On his @seanpennisawarcriminal TilkTalk account, for example, Delavitt-Arlevyitt wrote: “Everybody in the world hates Jews! Even other Jews! Especially other Jews!!! (Aunt Bertha Tooplutz-Fiore, for instance – would it kill you to leave some prune kugel for the rest of us‽) Everybody in the world is Hamas! First, Israel needs to defend itself against Gazan Hamas. Then, maybe we’ll attack French Hamas! Yeah, and after that Canadian Hamas! Wake up, people!!!!!!!!!!!”
Awkward.
“My page was hacked!” Delavitt-Arlevyitt explained. Insisted. Explisted. “That’ll teach me to use ‘password’ as my password. Did I…mention that I have red hair?”
“All this violent unpleasantness would be over if Hamas would just give Israel back all the hostages,” Hashemi-Biorplatz argued in the The Cat Came Back…With An Uzi! Farcebook group. “Prime Minister Netanyahu said they would keep going, but what does he know? Or Itamar Ben-Gvir? Or anybody in the war cabinet, really? When somebody shows you who they really are, believe what you want to believe about them anyway.”
Awkward2. With sprinkles.
When she was reminded of this post, Hashemi-Biorplatz said, “Oh, I didn’t write that. My cat, Izzy Friendly, was responsible for that. She often walks across my keyboard, randomly hitting keys. I…I sometimes post what she produces because my Farcebook fiends seem to enjoy it.”
Ri-iiiiiiiight.
Making matters worse, some supporters of Israel’s war crimes in Gaza are now claiming that they were members of groups protesting them such as Jews Say No, No, Hell No To Genocide. Jeremy David Lowen-Beholden, for example, proudly wears a Jews Say No, No, Hell No To Genocide t-shirt to shul (not on shabas, obviously, or the High Holy Days but, you know, on those rare occasions when he has to consult with the rabbi about his daughter Benjamin’s strange interest in 18th century undergarments).
Could this be the same Lowen-Beholden who wrote on his Timed-Out page, “Israel has a right to defend itself. Just like the United States had a right to defend itself from Iraq. Umm…bad example. Just like the United States had a right to defend itself from Vietnam. Geez – I’m really not hitting this, am I? Just like the United States had a right to defend itself from Cub – aaah, you know, analogies only take us so far. Let’s just say Israel has a right to defend itself and leave it at that. Okay?”
A current survey of the citizens of Be’er Sheva indicated that 137% of citizens opposed Israel’s war crimes in Gaza (Sabras counted twice) while they were happening. In fact, 103% of Ber Shevans claimed that they were members of Jews Say No, No, Hell No To Genocide.
“It may seem bizarre or extreme, but I wouldn’t lose any weight over it,” said journalist Masha Furr-Gessen. “When the next generation of Jews begins asking their parents what they did during the genocide in Gaza, the truth will come out. Children are amazing bullshit detectors!”