The Freedom Caucus Fully Supports Your Freedom From Life
The stupid – it burns! It burns! Unfortunately, that is a pre-existing condition that is no longer covered by insurance in the basket of deplorables, where health care amounts to a bandage and an aspirin. You say a bear just tore apart your leg? Walk it off.
According to Republican Mo Brooks, good people never need to use health care. Because good people never get into car accidents. Good people never have genetic illnesses over which they have no control. Indeed, good people never grow old. The fact that nobody in the world would be good by Brooks’ definition does not in any way alter his moralistic (but never moral) judgment of other people’s health.
In ordinary countries (ie: just about all of the developed nations in the world other than the United States), the healthy subsidize the health care of the ill on the understanding that their health care will be subsidized when they need it. “Tyranny!” Members of the Freedom Caucus cry. “Moochers who can’t afford to be healthy deserve to be sick!” For them, health is not a right (although burial is still a rite).
That’s just fine according to Republican Raul Labrador. Nobody dies because they don’t have health care: they die because they got sick. Not having health care may contribute to them dying sooner, but that’s just a matter of temporal semantics, two words that most people who dwell in the basket are not familiar with.
When You Hear About Ignorance For 40 Years? I Think You Know What That Sounds Like…
Kanye West has a new album coming out. Kanye West says something deplorable about his own people. The basket of deplorables has a choice between explaining all of the ways in which what West said are historically inaccurate and morally bankrupt, or using a belt sander on its tongue.
Mugugh blubble gyah gyah gyah.
Sad, Sadler, Sadist
Under ordinary circumstances, Republicans love them some war heroes. After all, war is a force that gives Republicans meaning. Under ordinary circumstances (are you getting the sense that you hear a lot of contrasts to ordinary circumstances in the basket of deplorables?), a Special Assistant to the President tries not to say or do anything controversial in order to not upstage her boss.
Then, there’s Kelly Sadler, who once got drunk with ordinary circumstances in a bar on K Street in the basket of deplorables and decided to put the whole sad incident out of her memory, even if it meant living the rest of her life under extraordinary conditions.
Sadler was referring to Senator John McCain, who refused to support the White House’s nomination for CIA Director, Gina Haspel. McCain, who had been tortured as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, understandably objected to Haspel’s part in America’s torture programme. Or, at least, this would be understandable to somebody whose moral compass wasn’t constantly swirling in the basket of deplorables (which, surprisingly enough, does not contain a true north – a true Oliver North doesn’t count).
Rather than cutting Sadler loose, the White House defended Sadler, claiming that what she said had been a joke. Seven year-old bullies everywhere stopped shaking down classmates for their lunch money long enough to give Sadler an enthusiastic thumbs up. If this episode does nothing else, it reminds us that the fish deplorables from the head.
Life Begins At Conception and Ends at Birth
We close today with the comedy stylings of Attorney General Jeff Sessions and Chief of Staff John Kelly. Be sure to tip your waitress – she’s probably concealing a handgun under her uniform. And, don’t try the veal – it undoubtedly has maggots.
Remember when the sanctity of the family was another one of those “Republican values?” It’s hard to talk about the sanctity of the family when a child is screaming, “Nooooooo! No! Don’t take me away from my mommy! Mommy! Mommy! I want my mommy!” in the background. Unless you’re a senior member of the White House, in which case you just step closer to the microphone to drown out the noise.
Funny thing about the White House policy to separate children of immigrants from the parents – while Sessions and Kelly have no qualms about saying that the government is doing it in order to deter immigrants from coming to the US in public, the government has been shy about saying this in the court where the ACLU is challenging the policy. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that it goes against international treaties to which the US is a signatory. Who knew members of the Trump White House could be…discreet?
Kelly’s “Or whatever” has interesting implications at a time when the whereabouts of as many as 1,500 of the children who have been separated from their parents cannot be accounted for. Were they run off to join the circus? Perhaps they were sent to India to work in garment factories with their tiny little hands. Maybe Kelly keeps them in a closet, perpetually shining his medals.
In the basket of deplorables, rankness has its privileges.