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Waiting For Perot

A city road. A lamppost. Two tramps.

Evening. In America.

BILL: Policies for every situation.

GEORGE: I won the Iraqi War.

BILL: Prosperity for all.

GEORGE: I won the Rio Earth Summit.

BILL: Justice for minorities.

GEORGE: I won the 1992 elec – but enough of this idle chatter. He runs.

BILL: Who does?

GEORGE: Perot.

BILL: (despairingly). Ah! (Pause.) Gorgo?

GEORGE: Yes, Bibi?

BILL: What’s he like?

GEORGE: When I saw him yesterday, he said he was for the little guy.

BILL: But, isn’t he a billionaire three times over?

GEORGE: Well, it could have been the day before yesterday that he confided in me that he was against big government.

BILL: But, wasn’t his fortune built primarily on government contracts, like Texas Blue Shield and Medicare?

GEORGE: Okay. Okay. But just last week he was articulating the feelings of the common folk everywhere.

BILL: Now, how could he speak for the common people when he lives in a guarded compound well away from them?

GEORGE: Are you saying I haven’t see Perot? (Bill shrugs.) Perhaps I haven’t. But I do know one thing.

BILL: Yes?

GEORGE: He runs. (Pause.)

BILL: Gorgo, how can you be sure he runs? Isn’t he waiting to see if his name is put on ballots in 50 states?

GEORGE: Bah! I suppose you believe in the tooth fairy, too!

BILL: Well.

GEORGE: Yes, and Santa Claus.

BILL: You know.

GEORGE: And, balanced budgets.

BILL: Steady on.

GEORGE: Well, it just so happens that the “off-hand” comment about the subject he made on Larry King Live had actually been planned in advance. Nobody puts such effort into the matter without serious intentions.

BILL: Serious intentions.

GEORGE: He runs. (Pause.)

BILL: Will he be bringing Nixon with him?

GEORGE: No.

BILL: But, they have been friends.

GEORGE: No, Bibi. Nixon is not in the loop. He was mugged in Washington by two reporters years ago. He lost his sneakers.

BILL: No more running.

GEORGE: Indeed. (Pause.)

BILL: Do you think –

GEORGE: Not before consulting polls.

BILL: I mean, does he love us?

GEORGE: He loved two of his employees enough to rescue them from a prison in Tehran.

BILL: Piffle. A trifle. Mere cowboy diplomacy. Does he love us?

GEORGE: He loves the victims of the drug trade enough to suspend constitutional protections to save them from a life of crime.

BILL: But, us, Gorgo. Does he love us?

GEORGE: Does it make a difference? He runs.

BILL: Who does?

GEORGE: Perot.

BILL: (despairingly). Ah! (Pause.)