Oh, no! It’s Still more Puns We Love to Hate month!
1. You’d best believe the South American camelid on the police force was alpacaing heat!
2. The dancers opted for a no-fault divorce because it takes two to tangle…
3. Argentina’s snooty capital city always did like putting on Buenos Aires…
4. The Prince who would not rule’s conduct at the feast proved that it never reigns, but it schnorrs.
5. Adam ribbed Eve the wrong way.
6. Is the collection of ideas, beliefs, and interests that are typical of most teenagers the zitgeist?
7. When Steve McGarrett wants to make a friend online, does he say, “Facebook ‘em, Danno?”
8. The Valley Girl who made a breakthrough in Greek shouted, “Like, omicron!”
9. Do heartbroken Nietzsche fans write to Dear Abyss?
10. Shall we use the sacred object to bring evil into the world? Amulet’s not!
11. Are friends you make at CERN Bosun buddies?
12. When I’m drinking Russian alcohol and perusing line art, I’m enjoying a vodka and limn…
13. You know what they say about porn stars: easy come, easy go…
14. Do depressed people get all of their household needs filled at the dolour store?
15. Golf pro Sam’s caddy gives him advice on a Snead to know basis…
16. You didn’t get the email about your film quite right? No problem – you can fix it in post…
17. The woman who jilted her fiance in the Church must have had quite the altar ego…
18. I’m a big fan of Chockula cereal – you could say I’m down for the Count…
19. Don’t want to get out of bed to go to the bank? Come on – up and ATM!
20. If you are forced to revise your ideas about evolution, do you eat Cro-Magnon?
21. You say that much money should buy 10 joints, but I think it should only be seven. Why don’t we spliff the difference…?
22. Is the best dish to eat in a war zone chili con carnage?
23. I’m bored of mountain climbers – they just don’t peak my interest…
24. In Russian literature, you either go big or Gogol…
25. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get a Kachina doll, but Hopi springs eternal…
26. When she was given the physics assignment on subatomic particles, she lepton it.
27. When the stray cat tries to get rid of you, the shoo is on the other foot…
28. Is a mean Caribbean singer a Calypso and so?
29. When I tell the former head of the UN to stop fooling around, I say: “U. Thant, be serious!”
30. Sealing the holes in your laneway? Well, aren’t you the caulk of the walk!
31. When you get sick at work, do you have a staff infection?
Will no one rid me of Puns We Love to Hate Month?
1. When you are a cola fan restricted to diet soda, you often say, “Tab? Oooh!”
2. When Santa delivers toys to the arty area of town, does he go: “Soho Ho Ho?”
3. Fido, heel thyself!
4. I couldn’t tell if the fish was too young because I had forgotten that scrod is in the details…
5. To do battle in the culture wars on Twitter, I need to wear my pithy helmet…
6. My lazy day was cut short by a call from work. Still, half a loaf is better than none…
7. I was going to tell a story about a male pig, but I didn’t want to boar you…
8. When I wanted the rate to convert dollars to pounds, I asked for a quid pro quote…
9. I didn’t like the sepia photo, so I told the photographer, “Don’t take that tone with me!”
10. If stripper Poole performed in a grassy area, would it be a Stacey field?
11. The poker game that required pasta to play was strictly penne ante…
12. You could say that eastern Canadians, when thinking about the west, wear a ten gallon hate…
13. The German owner of the attack animal was the herr of the dog that bit you…
14. Did the newscaster with an upset stomach really do an on-air bromo?
15. In the game of evolution, may the best teem win!
16. The elimination of the penny engendered much cointroversy…
17. When singer Young creates a new word, is it a Neilogism?
18. The network that caters to conspiracists is Cabal TV…
19. Is an intricate recipe a chefinition of food?
20. Remember what I said about becoming a cyborg? I augment it!
21. Some people believe my beach antics are so extreme that they go beyond the pail…
22. I hate clown priests – they always give people who disagree with them pious in the face!
23. When too many people show up, lunch at the Asian restaurant can be a zero dim sum game…
24. A pointillist painting was found at the scene of the crime? I smell Seurat!
25. The lazy English teacher was just phoneming it in…
26. Noah was an ark type…
27. The young man at the topless beach was discomboobulated…
28. When he was on the road, what was George Frideric’s CB Handel?
29. When you can’t believe how tasty it is, is the skewered meat sheesh kebab?
30. I crave up-to-the-moment satire – I guess you could say I have a topical disease…
31. If you spend a lot of time surfing prawn sites, you’re probably doing something wrong (unless you’re an octopus)…