Transcript of Radio Broadcast, June 22, 2003
TOM: All you have to do is look at it. It looks like B. J. Birdie, the Toronto mascot, has a pickle stuck up his ass.
JERRY: No, it doesn’t! He looks…determined.
TOM: Determined to get that pickle out of his ass, maybe.
JERRY: No, determined isn’t exactly it. He’s supposed to look…ferocious.
TOM: Yeah, well, if I had a pickle stuck up my ass, I’d be pretty pissed, too.
JERRY: You mean, you don’t?
TOM: … All’s I’m saying is that I’m not impressed with the new logo.
JERRY: Well, it’s a homonym, isn’t it?
TOM: A what?
JERRY: You know. It represents how the team is supposed to play.
TOM: Like a…metaphor?
JERRY: That’s what I said.
TOM: Oooookay. We’re going into the bottom of the third, with the Blue Jays leading the Baltimore Orioles 11 to seven.
JERRY: You could say it’s a pitchers’ duel.
TOM: You could say that…if you meant that the starting pitchers have managed to die a horrible death.
JERRY: That’s another way of looking at it, I suppose.
TOM: Last inning, the Blue Jays sent nine men to the plate, Jerry.
JERRY: Right you are, Tom. And, it proved to be more than a little embarrassing when the umpire sent eight of them back to the dugout.
TOM: Well, you know, they were having just a devil of a time all fitting into the batter’s box – Frank Catalanotto’s elbow kept poking Carlos Delgado in the ribs.
JERRY: Hunh – I never did figure out why they call him “the Cat.”
TOM: When his grandmother died, she was discovered in a one bedroom house with 28 felines?
JERRY: Nooo, that doesn’t sound right.
TOM: His feet are padded?
JERRY: I don’t think so.
TOM: He purrs when you scratch him behind the ears?
JERRY: It’s probably just one of those private things…
TOM: He likes licking his –
JERRY: SO! About last inning. All those players trying to fit into the batter’s box – it reminded me a lot of a game of Twister.
TOM: Really? I didn’t know you played.
JERRY: Oh, sure. You wouldn’t know it to look at me now, but I was silver medallist in the Brampton Twister Run-off six years running.
TOM: That’s quite a feat.
JERRY: Feet, hands, torso – that game requires complete body control.
TOM: Okay. There’s one down and two runs are already in in the inning. You know, Jerry, long-time fans must be thrilled that the Blue Jays are only two games behind the Yankees for the lead in the American League East. With the All Star game looming, it’s good to see the Jays in the hunt for the pennant.
JERRY: That’s right, Tom. The Jays have their sonar and depth charges ready, and it’s only a matter of time before they find that Russian sub –
TOM: Jerry, are you sure you’re not thinking of The Hunt for Red October?
JERRY: No, no, no. You’re thinking of that nonsense poem where a bunch of adventurers chases a mythical creature.
TOM: You mean, “The Hunting of the Snark?”
JERRY: I don’t think so. That’s the movie about that troubled kid from the wrong side of the tracks who turns out to be a math genius.
TOM: Uhh, isn’t that Good Will Hunting?
JERRY: Hmm…maybe I meant it as a dominant fricative.
TOM: A metaphor?
JERRY: That’s what I said. Yes, it really is good to see the Jays in a pennant race.
TOM: You mean, a Paper Chase?
JERRY: Who’s talking about Chevy Chase?
TOM: He was great in the National Lampoon Vacation series.
JERRY: Yes. Yes, he was.
TOM: Okay. The Blue Jays are out of the inning, but the Orioles managed to score three runs to close the gap to eleven to ten.
JERRY: It’s really a defensive ball game.
TOM: Well, let’s just say it’s the kind of game that makes managers defensive.
JERRY: Isn’t that what I said?
TOM: Hard to tell, Jerry. Sometimes, it really is hard to tell…