SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE
The 49th Parallel Revisited
Oh, Ron said to Justin: “I’m bringin’ you pain.”
Justin said, “Man, we gonna do this again?”
Ron say, “Gov.” Justin say, “What?”
Ron say, “No way you can save your butt.”
Justin said, “What are you plannin’, pray tell?”
Ron said, “On your country I’m gonna rain down hell
All up and down the 49th parallel!”
Well, Ron the Con said to Scott the Sheriff,
“I got a million countries I wanna tariff!
Waggle your hips and get bare, if
You can’t distract people with your midriff!”
Scott the Sheriff said, “I can do it before the closing bell.”
And he added, “Let’s not wait for time to tell,
Let’s blow a hole right through the 49th parallel!”
Now the second son on the seventh night
Joined his father in his economic fight
“You’ve got too many on the hard right
Who haven’t seen the brilliance of your insight.”
He advised: “Don’t wait for public opinion to gel!
Policy left in the sun too long starts to smell
Let’s pave the way to invade the 49th parallel!”
Now Howard the lunatic was eager to score
A place in the president’s economic war
For how low he could go there was no floor
After every humiliating lie he asked for more
“But yes, I think this is a lie I can easily sell.”
Howard said, “We’re gonna hit you where your people dwell,
On your side of the 49th parallel!”
Waiting for the Great Leap Backward
It may have been Camelot, for Ron and Melanoma
But while Europe is suffering from an economic coma
Fenwick’s Crimean puppet spies a soldier who is crying
Over the reemergence of empire, for which he isn’t keen on dying
The puppet may be heartless, but he thinks that he should warn him
That prospects for World War III are not dim
In the Global South, amid the empire’s paraphernalia
They’re blowing up fishing boats off the coast of Venezuela
And we are reassured by none other than Dr. Oz,
That drug dealing is the true and only cause
In the demolished East Wing, the only sounds that are heard
Are the whooshing of the wrecking ball and chirping of a bird
And someone pacing back and forth and reading from a list
Of the endless grievances of a right-wing propagandist
Mixing up his metaphors in his usual word salad
Leaves me unable to comment that his methods are invalid
While looking for an escape hatch
To get away from all the madness
I’m dreading the great leap backward
Rallies have been organized and rage tweeps have been posted
Even after midnight the opposition must be roasted
You can be marching with the march hares or sleeping with the anti-woke
As you’re waiting for the great leap backward
Oh one leap forward, a thousand years back
You can’t fight a government full of hacks
Who are waiting for the great leap backward
Well, here comes the past, we’re gonna run toward it
If you’re not rich, you cannot afford it
Waiting for the great leap backward
It’s a mighty long way down the memory hole
Making voters forget everything that you stole
They’re just waiting for the great leap backward
In a perfect world, we’d all be singing hymns
You’ll be stripped of your rights, for all of your sins
While you’re waiting for the great leap backward
You want to keep yourself sick and poor
Is this really what you voted for?
Waiting for the great leap backward
So join the struggle while you may
The insurrection is just an angry tweep away!
Waiting for the great leap backward
I’m a Blasphemer
I thought MVGA was only true in fairy tales
The false witness would kill my piety
Dems were out to get me
That was what I thought
In their evil plans, I would be caught
Then I heard that phrase, now I’m a blasphemer
Not a trace of devout in my mind
I buy the lies – oooh – I’m a blasphemer
Couldn’t leave the schemer if I tried
I thought work was more or less a make a livin’ thing
Seems the more I worked, the less I got
What’s the use in toiling?
All you get is rage
I couldn’t feed my family on my wage
Then I heard that phrase, now I’m a blasphemer
Not a trace of devout in my mind
I buy the lies – oooh – I’m a blasphemer
Couldn’t leave the schemer if I tried
Dems were out to get me
That was what I thought
In their evil plans, I would be caught
Oh, then I heard that phrase, now I’m a blasphemer
Not a trace of devout in my mind
I buy the lies – oooh – I’m a blasphemer
Couldn’t leave the schemer if I tried