* CROWD ROAR *
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“President Trump has made good on his promise to Make America Great AgainTM!”
“Uhh, you know that every time you use the phrase ‘Make America Great AgainTM,’ a dollar is given to the Trump Foundation, right?”
“So?”
“So, Trump uses the Trump Foundation like his own personal piggy bank.”
“Lamestream media propaganda! They’re just jealous that President Trump has made good on his promise to Make America Great AgainTM!”
“You know, you really shouldn’t…okay. And, how, exactly, did he do that?”
“By delivering America from the last huge thing holding us back.”
“And, that was…?”
“Gravity.”
“Gravity?”
“Gravity.”
“President Trump has made good on his promise to Make – that is, he will make sure that America will be great again by repealing the law the gravity?”
“That’s right.”
“Nothing feels different…”
“Oh, but it is, my friend. This is the day that everything changes. You see that pen floating in the air?”
“This pen?”
“That’s right.”
“The one right here?”
“That’s the one.”
“The pen that’s lying on the table?”
“No, it’s not. It’s floating in the air.”
“The only way that pen would be floating in the air is if you blew up the table.”
“But -“
“And, it would be more flying than floating.”
“You don’t -“
“And, even that would be temporary.”
“You just don’t -“
“And, depending upon how much explosive you used, it might be in so many pieces that it wouldn’t be recognizable as a pen any more!”
PAUSE
“Quite satisfied with yourself, are you?”
“I thought that was rather clever, yes.”
“That’s the problem with people in the reality-based community.”
“What?”
“That you live in the reality-based community.”
PAUSE
“If gravity is no longer in effect, what is keeping you from floating off into space?”
“Sheer force of will.”
“Of course. Look, if…if, uhh, gravity has been repealed, could you exert your will and float above the ground?”
“If I wanted to, sure.”
“Can you show me?”
“Why not?”
PAUSE
“Are you satisfied?”
“You didn’t float.”
“I most certainly did float.”
“You jumped.”
“I floated inches above the ground.”
“Until gravity pulled you back to the ground.”
“Until I exerted my will and pulled myself back to the ground.”
“Erm…could you float in the air for more than a couple of seconds?”
“Sure. I could float in the air for more than a couple of seconds. I could float in the air for hours if I wanted to.”
“Could you please show me?”
“I don’t want to.”
“But…how are you going to prove to me that you can float in the air for hours if you don’t show me?”
“You’re obviously part of the reality-based community – a community that’s getting smaller every day, by the way. Why should I have to prove anything to you?”
“Erm.”
PAUSE
“Let’s assume, for -“
* CROWD ROAR *
“What was that for?”
“Donald Trump is floating on the stage.”
“No, he isn’t! He sat down in a chair and four burly secret service agents raised it into the air!”
“Why would he do that when he can float? Man, what are you on? You must be hallucinating or something!”
“But – okay. Look. Let’s assume, for the sake of argument that what you said is true…”
“It is true.”
“Why?”
“Because I said it.”
“Hunh. Okay. How, exactly, will repealing the law of gravity Make America Great AgainTM?”
“Well, for one thing, we could have three story high assembly lines. That would give us a great advantage over those gravity-bound countries that can only make products on the ground.”
“An advantage that will be more than offset by the fact that robots will take the jobs instead of people.”
“Okay. Sure. There’s that. But, imagine what a tactical advantage we have over our enemies now that our soldiers can fly above them.”
“We already had the most advanced military the world had ever seen. Not sure that’s going to make much of a difference.”
“Aww, come on, man! I thought you would have been happy about this.”
“Why would I be happy about this?”
“Because now we can have the flying cars you always complain that you were promised but never given.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“No, no. You’ve got it backwards.”
“I do?”
“Absolutely. In Donald Trump’s America, you’ll see that when you believe it…”