CLOWNS TO THE LEFT OF ME
Women Cannot Make Rational Decisions Because They Are Dominated By Their Hormones – Now There’s An Original Idea!
“When you’re young, you’re thinking: ‘Where are the boys? The boys are with Bernie.'”
– Gloria Steinem
Enough To Stop Harassing Us On Softwood Lumber?
I Didn’t Think So…
“We haven’t always conveyed how much we treasure our alliance and our ties with our Canadian friends”
– Barack Obama, on Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s State Visit
JOKERS TO THE RIGHT
Talk About A Teachable Moment? It Would Be A Teachable Four Years!
“Let me just [ask] the voters at home: is this the debate you want playing out in the general election? If we nominate Donald, we’re going to spend the fall and the summer with the Republican nominee facing a fraud trial.”
– Marco Rubio, on a lawsuit over Trump University
Of Course, Some People Never Learn…
“Oh, stop it. It’s a minor civil case.”
– Donald Trump, on a lawsuit over Trump University
John Lennon Would Be Happy?
“Imagine if every one of the coalition partners decided to walk away like we did and there was no more bombing, no more airstrikes, no more air cover for the men and women on the ground.”
– interim Conservative leader Rona Ambrose on the Liberal government’s decision to stop bombing ISIS
THIS JUST IN: High Ideals Result In Low Primary Polling Numbers
“I will not take the low road to the highest office in the land. I will not do it.”
– Republican Presidential hopeful (although how much is an open question) John Kasich
Chachi Goes To Hollywood – If Only Frank Capra Was Still Around!
“It’s very simple, because when he speaks, I understand him. He speaks like I speak. He communicates with people very well. I want him, as any one person can do, to go into Washington and blow it up.”
– actor Scott Baio explains his support for Donald Trump
“I Am Not A Robot…Obot…Obot…O…”
“We are not facing a president that doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows what he is doing. That’s why he’s done the things he’s done.”
– Marco Rubio, after being challenged at the Republican Presidential candidates’ debate about repeating the same 30 second sound bite, repeating the same 30 second sound bit
You Should Have Been Here Five Months Ago – You Couldn’t Say The Word “Niqab” Without Hitting A Hot Button!
“I’m having a hard time finding a leader in this country willing to stand up for the issues I’ve been advocating in the world.”
– French National Front leader Marine Le Pen on her reception in Canada
It Depends: What’s Your Dog’s Position On Syrian Refugees?
“Hilary: My dog has a vagina. Should she be president?”
– sign held up by a supporter of Donald Trump at a Tampa, Florida rally
Was He Coyly Batting His Eyelashes When He Said What He Did? Either Time?
“Donald’s a great guy and a good person, but I just don’t think he’s suited to be President of the United States.”
– Chris Christie then (August, 2015, while he was still in the race)
“I’ve gotten to know all the people on that stage. And there is no one who is better prepared to provide America with the strong leadership that it needs, both at home and around the world, than Donald Trump.”
– Chris Christie now (February, 2016, now that he is out of the race, but would consider being on a ticket as vice president if, you know, anybody asked him…)
Circuses Are Always Lucrative, Especially If You’re Not The One Who Has To Clean Up After The Elephant
“The money’s rolling in and this is fine. I’ve never seen anything like this, and this is going to be a very good year for us. Sorry. It’s a terrible thing to say, but bring it on, Donald. Keep going.”
– CBS Chairman Les Moonves
HERE I AM, STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU
As Long As They’re On Crack, That Shouldn’t Be A Problem
“I have a couple deep, dark fears about child rearing – like that they won’t love Disneyland.”
– Ginnifer Goodwin
That Sentence Was More Tortured Than A Microsoft EULA!
“I do believe that with the right safeguards, there are cases where the government, on our behalf – like stopping terrorism, which could get worse in the future – that that is valuable.”
– Bill Gates explains, sort of, his support for the FBI’s efforts to convince Apple to let it break into the iPhone of one of the San Bernadino shooters
And, How Could We Possibly Forget Reebok?
“It has a stronger corporate presence than EST or Forum; in addition to Reebok, clients include Reebok, Microsoft, NASA and Lululemon.”
– New York Times article about Werner Erhard’s latest project, Landmark
If We Have Learned Anything At All From Reality, It Is Not To Base Our Understanding Of The World On Television Programmes
“If we have learned anything at all from The X-Files it is to �trust no one.’ This applies especially to governments.”
– Erin Monica Evans Fitz-James in a letter about cellphone privacy
Do You Take A Bite Out Of Everything You Make Before You – EWWW! Sushi Clearly Has A Much Bigger Problem Than Female Chefs!
“To be a professional means to have a steady taste in your food, but, because of the menstrual cycle, women have an imbalance in their taste, and that’s why women can’t be sushi chefs.”
– Yoshikazo Ono, son of famous sushi chef Jiro Ono
If They Don’t Try To Teach Us The Proper Pronunciation of Mocha Latte Grande, We’ll Consider It Even
“We’re not coming here to teach Italians to make coffee – nothing like that.”
– Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz on the company’s plan to open its first Italian store in Milan in 2017
Are They Or Aren’t They? Only The Newspaper’s Laid Off Copy Editor To Knows For Sure…
“Canada’s anti-spam rules are aren’t going away and if anything will probably to get tougher, the head of the federal broadcast and telecom watchdog said Tuesday.”
– lede of a Toronto Star article