Al Qaeda to the Max
Herschel Weyeherhauser
Gallstone Pit Press
paperback, 379 pages
review by REX VENEER
The first clue that Al Qaeda to the Max isn’t going to be your typical journalistic work is the author’s description on the back cover: “Herschel Weyerhauser is a retired plumber from East Anglia.” I have nothing against plumbers. As a matter of fact, I have nothing against East Anglia. I couldn’t help but wonder, though, what a plumber from East Anglia knows about Al Qaeda and international terrorism.
Not much, as it happens.
Al Qaeda to the Max was originally written 10 days after the terrorist attack on the World Trade Centre and Pentagon. Assuming a typical eight hour workday, this allowed just under 13 minutes of work per page. Thirteen minutes to research, write, fact check and edit every single page. It’s not surprising that the book is riddled with errors; given the haste with which the book was rushed to publication, I’m amazed that the author got his name right!
Errors abound. The money trail does not, as Weyerhauser asserts, lead “to a small group of goatherds in a provincial city in Luxembourg.” The terrorists practiced an extreme form of Islam that in no way involves “squirrel worship.” Osama bin Laden does not sound like Alvin the Chipmunk on acid. I could go on, but I need to keep my word count – not to mention my blood pressure – to an acceptable limit.
Furthermore, Weyeerhauser employs torturous logic to come to dubious conclusions. “On Arab television station Al Jazira [sic],” he writes, “Osama bin Laden claimed that ‘Ahl-Qaedah will not allow the United States to live in peace until American troops have been driven out of Saudi Arabia.’ He repeated this assertion countless times in a variety of interviews. Obviously, Al Queday terrorists are motivated by a hatred of American freedom and dedication to principles of justice.”
Hunh?
As with many books in this genre, Al Qaeda to the Max cuts and pastes reports from various publications available at the time it was written, especially newspapers. Unlike other books in this genre, it isn’t especially careful about what it puts together. Thus, you get passages like: “By all accounts, bin Laden is a nasty person who tortures small animals for pleasure and is otherwise a brutal, brave, principled leader who is deeply concerned by the plight of Arabs in the Middle East.” Be aware: most people will need a week in a dimly lit room with little stimulation to recover from prose like this.
A little consistency would have made the book much easier to read. For example, I counted at least 27 different spellings of Al Qaeda, including: Al Kuhaida, All Khuhayda and, inexplicably, Al Hirt. I can only assume that this last one is a sloppy transliteration from the Arabic; if Weyerhauser is asserting that jazz trumpeters were responsible for the terrorist attack, he offers no evidence to prove his case.
In a similar vein, the term Al Qaeda is variously translated as “The Base or The Foundation,” “Irrational Hatred” and “Bean Sprout Salad.” Bean Sprout Salad? Is Bean Sprout Salad the sort of name that would strike fear into the heart of one’s enemies? Does it indicate an affinity to Veganism? Or, is it simply an error?
Stylistically, Al Qaeda to the Max will make you want to lobotomize yourself with knitting needles. The prose is so leaden, Superman could use it to protect himself from Kryptonite. And, while I have, on occasion, read professional texts where the word “the” was repeated, I have never read anything where the word was repeated 17 times in a row. Did Weyerhauser’s spell check programme commit hari kiri?
Books like this are the journalistic equivalent of fast food; immediately gratifying, but devoid of any real nutritional value. Read enough of them, and your thinking will get as bloated and slow as your body. Are they of any value at all? Absolutely. I plan to use Al Qaeda to the Max to insulate my roof. A few more assignments like this and I should be able to cut this winter’s heating bill in half!
Rex Veneer is the anchor of the Deadline News Network. His first book of poetry, Jesus Ate My BWM, will be published in the summer by BDBDBD Press.