Thank you, Zebulon Vance, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we would like to apologize for any…familiar passages that might crop up in our PhD dissertations. We didn’t intend to plagiarize anybody else’s work, we were just…young and carefree and probably high on drugs – it was okay back then – and…and…and…
What? We’re white men so nobody cares how sloppy our graduate theses are? What a waste of a great apology!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Base Expectations
Nikki Haley wants to be president. Nikki Haley cannot say the “s” word. No, not “slavery.” “Sucker.” As in, “There’s a sucker born every minute – but I affectionately think of them as my base.”
Okay, the word “slavery,” too. What freedoms was the civil War fought for? The freedom to own slaves. What were people fighting to be able to do? Own slaves. Who had freedom of speech? Not slaves. What did people not want government getting in the way of so much that they were willing to fight a Civil War over it? Jesus, lady, don’t you see the pattern, here?
What do I want you to say about slavery? Not, “Oh, we take it so seriously in my state that we never have to actually talk about it!” How about: “It was the cause of the Civil War, and all this talk about state’s rights is revisionist bullpuckey?”
Stick a fork in her. Not because she’s done: she never had a chance to even be in the oven against the overdone orange turkey who takes up all the space inside it. No, because the way she twists and turns and contorts herself to fight for a position she will never get shows that she is obviously a masochist who would enjoy it!
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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And We All Know The Mess His Younger Self Made When That Happened!
Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my! The Jeffrey Epstein travel logs have been released, and the things they show!
Bill Clinton up to his tits in…other people’s tits! Barack Obama’s grip on the state security apparatus being so great that he can get it to erase every trace of his association with Epstein! Joe Biden using his son Hunter as a front for raking in billions of dollars from Mongolia! This is the smoking h-bomb, people!
I haven’t been this excited since Betty-Jo Bialowski almost kissed me in third grade!
SOURCE: Gerald’s Next To Penultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignoregeraldatyourperil.com/conspiracy2293.html]
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Or, You Could Use A Generative AI Graphics Package To Do The Same Thing With Almost No Effort
How You Express Your Creativity Is Up To You
A How Not To Draw Manual
STEP ONE: Search the Internet for an image of Mickey Mouse from his first film, Steamboat Willie. They’re all over the place – you should have no trouble finding one.
STEP TWO: Remove the background using the handy “remove background” tool in your image processing software.
STEP THREE: Copy the image of Mickey Mouse and paste it into any photo you happen to have laying around. Any photo at all – like a photo of cops.
STEP FOUR: Or street graffiti.
STEP FIVE: Or photos of your pet.
Congratulations! You have now created an internet meme! Of course, you’ll be competing with a million other people who have created no-longer-in-copyright Mickey Mouse memes, and many of their pets are cuter than yours! But nobody said the life an artist would be easy!
SOURCE: Entertainment For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/home.asp?did=680&dir=bb]
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Why Would NASA Collaborate With Big Paleo? They Have Nothing To 5Gain!
As usual, Gerald gets the significance of the release of the Jeffrey Epstein travel documents wrong.
Look past the politicians and artists and other celebrities – you know who the names you don’t know are? Paleontologists. That’s right! Those mother…fers who sculpt fossils in place and then pretend to excavate them! And you know who else? NASA engineers! That’s right! Big Paleo is in cahoots with NASA liars, and guess what? They are both using 5G to corrupt and control our minds! And Gerald understands none of this!
Some people are so bad at conspiracies that they shouldn’t be allowed to be on the internet!
SOURCE: Bob’s Penultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignorebobatyourperil.com/conspiracy2389.html]
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Home Is Where You Hang Your Hate
0 credibility) Senior officials in the Israeli government of Benjamin Netanyahu have repeatedly pronounced that Gaza should be emptied of Palestinians. This is an embarrassment to the government, not because it’s not true (Netanyahu’s policy is that Palestinians would find happy, fulfilling lives in Congo – why they would cling to some pathetic land in the desert is beyond his comprehension), but because it makes the whole “they’re terrorists and we’re not, nyah nyah” defence of the government’s actions harder for the country’s cheerleaders in the international community to pretend to believe. What would Israel’s best response to the bloodthirsty pronouncements of its senior coalition members be?
a) they don’t speak for the government
b) okay, so, yeah, maybe they do speak for the government, a little, but we have no actual plan to actually follow through on their statements – which they obviously didn’t, you know, mean, not as such – so let’s not drag the International Criminal Court into this, okay?
c) Jeez, can’t you take a joke?
0 morality) What is the best way to respond to people who conflate Israel with Jews?
a) assume they’re Nazis and punch them in the face – better safe than sorry
b) assume they’re Zionists who are trying to deflect criticism of Israel’s actions by labelling them antisemitic – they would rather be sorry than safe
c) bring them to the attention of Jews Against Genocide and let the organization deal with them
d) all of the above
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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That’s Okay: The Rest Of The Time, Those Of Us Who Are Not A Part Of It Are Embarrassed On Your Behalf
Sometimes, I’m embarrassed by the conspiracy theory community.
SOURCE: Mike’s Ultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignoremeatyourperil.com/conspiracy2290.html]
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High Crimes Isn’t The Name Of A Pro-drug Magazine, But You Wouldn’t Know It From The Behaviour Of Republicans
The devolution of the impeachable offence that Republicans in the House of Representatives believe they can convict the current President for:
Joe Biden profited from his son’s business ties with Russia and China.
Joe Biden may not have profited from his son’s business ties with Russia and China, but he certainly enabled them.
YOU ARE HERE: Joe Biden knew that his son Hunter would defy a Congressional subpoena to testify in a closed session of a congressional committee.
Joe Biden has an unpaid parking ticket from 1987.
Joe Biden still has a library book that should have been returned in 1963.
Joe Biden is a Democrat.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1087&dir=bb]
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