Thank you, Wanda Lustig, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, between the slaughter in Gaza, the rise of fascism in the United States and Pierre Poilievre’s Smothering Smirk of Smugness (which gives him a +4 on attacks and a -4 on charisma, which may not seem like a great trade-off to us, but he obviously believes it will help him build the character of his dreams), we were feeling a little overwhelmed. So, naturally, we turned to our comfort activity: medieval jousting. We didn’t have steeds, so we used 10 speed bikes that were covered in fabric swatches, and we didn’t have lances, so we had to use broom handles we whittled down to sharp points. Well, sharpish, anyway. On the other hand, we could use the office laser printer to create glorious flags with the coats of arms of each knight aberrant, so it felt right to us. As always, nobody died, only half of us ended up in emergency and the muddy, bloody fun took our minds off…
Oh, crap. The world’s still here!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
If I Wanted To See This Kind Of Disinformation, I Would Watch CTV
8pm
TVO
The Agenda with Steve Paikin
Join Steve and five fascists who have never been to a protest (plus somebody who claims to be a journalist, but isn’t) decry the violence at protests.
Next week, Steve and five executives from oil companies (plus somebody who claims to be a journalist, but isn’t) will explore how global warming is actually a conspiracy by Big Environment to force people to be healthier by riding bikes everywhere they used to drive cars.
The week after that, Steve’s guests will be five call centre operators in Dubai (plus somebody who claims to be a journalist, but isn’t), who will be discussing the North American opioid crisis.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Nakba? Humbug!
Some Jewish members of the Peel District School Board have objected to the inclusion of Nakba Day, a recognition of the dispossession and suffering of Palestinians whose land was taken from them without compensation for the creation of the state of Israel in 1948, on the school calendar.
They are using the time-honoured principle that: “My suffering is historical, your suffering is political.”
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=470017]
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Horses Running Wild On City Streets?
London Was Clearly Feeling Nostalgic For 1864, And Didn’t Care That Arizona Had Beat The City To It
EXT. DAY – LONDON STREETS
PHIL and BRUCE, two draught horses, gallop through the streets.
BRUCE: (singing) Wiiiii-ild horses couldn’t drag me a –
PHIL: That’s not funny, Bruce.
BRUCE: It’s a little funny, Phil.
PHIL: Not even a li – watch out for that cyclist!
BRUCE: I was nowhere near him!
PHIL: You were a little near him.
BRUCE: Oh, ha ha.
PHIL: You know, Bruce, much as I love playing tourist – London is a hell of a town for that – I can’t help but worry that our run for freedom can’t end well.
BRUCE: Why do you say that, Phil?
PHIL: All of the police cars chasing us, for one.
BRUCE: You’ll never take us alive, coppers!
PHIL: Riiiiight. For another thing, whenever filmmakers want to portray the desolation of post-apocalyptic settings, they often show horses running wild in the streets.
BRUCE: Don’t overthink this. We’re wild stallions running free as nature intended.
PHIL: And you don’t worry that we’re just symbols of the dying British empire?
BRUCE: (whinnies loudly)
PHIL: There’s no need for derisive laugh – watch out for that bu -!
*SPLAT!*
SOURCE: Splitting Image
[http://www.beeb.co.uk/mediaselector/check/worldservice/splittingimage/meta/tx/summary5min?size=au&bgc=003399&lang=en-ws&nbram=1&nbwm=1]
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Not Literally, Of Course – We’re Sure That Vat Of Acid Is Purely Symbolic…Of Something…
The provincially appointed board given the task for finding financial savings in the dissolution of Peel Region, even though Premier Doug Ford cancelled the breakup months ago, has charged the municipality $1.5 million for its services.
The board only had one recommendation: “Dissolve us before we bill again!”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2024/04/25/509727.html]
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James Chaney, Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner – Ring Any Bells…Uhh, What Was YOUR Name Again?
Who is this guy? I mean, the face looks sort of familiar, in a forgettable sort of way. The hair looks distinguished enough – who did he mug to get it? But the guy as a whole? Could his name be…Triton? No, that isn’t right. But it’s on the tip of my tongue… Salamander? Closer, but still naah. * snaps fingers * Newt! This is former Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich!
Where have you been all these years, Newt? And why didn’t you stay there?
Gingrich would have us believe that a man who wouldn’t rent apartments to people of colour, demanded the death penalty for four men of colour accused of a murder they didn’t commit and wanted to build a wall to keep people of colour out of the country is “literally” like some civil rights workers he couldn’t even name? That is literally insane. How is it that when he uses a phrase like “the rule of law,” his tongue doesn’t spontaneously combust?
Compared to that, it may seem churlish to point out that Stanley Kubrick directed On the Waterfront in the same way that Elia Kazan directed 2001: A Space Odyssey. Or, for that matter, the way Nora Ephron directed Citizen Kane or Woody Allen directed What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? It’s just that kind of attention to detail that should make anybody who might want to give anything he says credence think twice.
Although I will admit that I sort of would like to see Woody Allen’s version What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Anti-vaxxers Sure Are Sticking It To The Deep State, Aren’t They?
“Ontario measles cases rising this year”
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1555260538]
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It’s A Good Thing I’m Not On Twitter Any More, Because I Have A Feeling This Would Get Me Banned…
Ira Nayman
@ImNotHere
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/as-freud-truly-said-sometimes-an-environmentalist-is-just-an-environmentalist/]
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Discrimination Is A Terrible Thing…Unless You Subject The Right People To It
Ted Arnott, Conservative speaker at Queen’s Park, has banned keffiyehs, black and white head scarves traditionally worn in Arab cultures, from the legislature.
In doing this, he was using the time-honoured principle that: “My headgear is cultural, your headgear is political.”
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1084198591833&call_pageid=968429335272&col=968643966974]
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