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The Daily Me – Vladimir Ilyich McBruce

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Thank you, Vladimir Ilyich McBruce, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. We don’t care if you think it’s a good enough reason. We think it’s a good enough reason.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

It Would Take One Hell Of An Air Brush

Impeachment is not on the table for Congress, but apparently it is an appropriate subject for GQ magazine, where possible articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney have been published between articles on spring fashions from Milan (where orange is, apparently, the new gravy) and a profile of movie night at Quentin Tarantino’s place (just don’t spill pop on the floor to get that special grindhouse feel, because you know you’ll never be invited back).

But, can even GQ make impeachment sexy?

SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler

[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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The Absurd Ironyometer Has The Full Support Of This Headline

The scandal at the Walter Reed Military Hospital is just the latest manifestation of how the Bush administration has been nickel and diming American troops. Previous examples include sending them to war without proper armor and cutting back on their benefits when they return home.

And, this administration accuses anybody who disagrees with their war policies of “not supporting the troops?” The Absurd Ironyometer resolves to go to the next anti-war rally with a huge sign that reads: “IMAGINARY SATIRICAL DEVICES FOR PEACE.”

SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page

[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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If You Look Around The Table And You Can’t Identify The Extremist, It’s You

BRITAIN: You can understand, I’m sure, that we are anxious to get our sailors back.

IRAN: We will be happy to release them, on one condition.

BRITAIN: What is that?

UNITED STATES: Stop that! You don’t negotiate with terrorists!

IRAN: Excuse me? Iran is not a terrorist state.

UNITED STATES: You’re part of the Axis of Evil. See, I said so. In a speech. So, it must be true.

BRITAIN: Look, I just want my sailors back.

IRAN: And, we’re willing to give them back to you, as long as you are willing to publicly admit that they were in Iranian waters.

UNITED STATES: Nooooooo! The sailors were in Iraqi waters.

BRITAIN: You’re not helping.

UNITED STATES: You cannot give an inch.

BRITAIN: Shut up.

UNITED STATES: Seizing your sailors is the casus belli we need for war with Iran.

BRITAIN: SHUT UP!

UNITED STATES: But, that only works if they captured your sailors illegally.

BRITAIN: Ignore him. We would consider admitting our sailors were in Iranian waters as long as you would be willing to allow that their presence there was an honest mistake.

IRAN: Both sides could save face and the situation would be resolved peacefully. I like –

UNITED STATES: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! YOU CANNOT MAKE DEALS WITH EVIL!

BRITAIN: He’s not with me…

SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama

[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/noneinthebush.shtml]
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Wii Wii Wii All The Way Home

Title: Cat Fight
Publisher: MGESoft
Platform: Wii
Price: $59.99

I know what you’re thinking. A game called Cat Fight has to feature dozens of customizable amazons ready to duke it out at a moment’s notice.

Don’t be fooled! This game is about cats! Eighty per cent of the time, they’re sleeping. Ten per cent of the time, they are eating and/or coughing up furballs (an unimaginably grotesque combination). The rest of the time they hiss menacingly at shadows, strange noises, their owners and, yes, once in a while, another actual cat.

About the only good thing you can say about Cat Fight is that you won’t be knocking over any lamps or accidentally punching the person sitting next to you on the couch while you’re playing it on the Wii.

SOURCE: Gamer Bois Mag

[http://boiswillbe.com#ipo_article=5]
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Jail Uniforms Don’t Come With (Hot) Buttons

According to the Conservative government, the fact that there are fewer youths in jail now than there were in 2003, when the Youth Criminal Justice Act replaced the Young Offenders Act, indicates that the law is too lenient.

The Tories want more 12 to 17 year-olds jailed? And, here, I had always thought they were opposed to quotas.

SOURCE: Toronto Startle

[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1018591831813&call_pageid=963335278492&col=968456972154]
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Do You Have To Shout? You’ll Wake The Neighbours. In The Country Next Door.

President Bush lied about the existence of Iraqi weapons of mass destruction.

President Bush lied about Iraq’s non-existent connections to the Al Qaeda terrorist network.

President Bush has not been honest about the real reason he authorized the invasion of Iraq.

President Bush claimed to support the victims of Katrina, while doing little to alleviate their suffering.

President Bush claimed to support the troops while cutting back on their funds.

President Bush claimed he would fire anybody in his administration involved in leaking the name of a covert CIA operative, but it turns out he may have started that particular ball rolling and, in any case, he must have known that senior officials in his government were involved and he has done nothing to them

Given all of this (and so much more), I have just one question.

Just asking.

SOURCE: Politics for Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=487&dir=bb]
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Definitely Imbalanced, Whether Fiscally Or Not

The day after Ottawa gave Quebec $700 million to deal with the perceived fiscal imbalance, Liberal Premier Jean Charest, in the midst of an election ca mpaign, announced that all of the money would go not into improving social services, but tax cuts.

“You can do that?” Danny Williams, Premier of Newfoundland. “I just wasted my equalization money on increased programme spending! If I had known…”

Meanwhile, an unnamed source in federal Liberal leader Stephane Dion’s office called the federal move “dirty politics.” “We’re the party that bribes Quebec voters with tax dollars,” the source said. “How dare the Conservatives steal our best moves?”

SOURCE: Toronto Stunned

[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2007/03/29/703717.html]
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And, If Those Two Groups Oppose It, You Know…The Universe Has Gone Insane

CTV. 10pm. W-Five. The seventh in a series of undercover investigations where politicians are lured to houses where they believe that they are going to be given a huge honking bribe in order to vote a certain way. What they find, instead, are journalists with big cameras and probing questions. The series has been controversial from the beginning, with police arguing that serious crimes are being packaged for prime time, compromising investigations, and sexual predators saying that they miss the exposure they got when they were the subject of such ambush journalism.

SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide

[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F&regMode=0]
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