Thank you, TUNku varadARAJAN, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we couldn’t help but notice that there are a lot of articles on Dick Cheney in what has been selected for you today. Are you one of those Dick Cheney fetishists we hear so much about on the news? You sick, sick bastard.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Perhaps, But Let’s Remember Who Got To Keep Their Job
Finance Minister Jim Flaherty has admitted that he will not be able to trim Canada’s national debt to 25% of GDP by 2012-2013, that it could, in fact, balloon to 32% of GDP.
What Flaherty actually said was: “Parliamentary Budget Officer Kevin Page had a better grasp of the economic situation than I did.”
When asked to repeat his statement, he said: “Look, don’t make me repeat myself. This is embarrassing enough as it is. Page was right. I was wrong.”
When reporters complained that Flaherty was speaking very softly and that his voice wouldn’t be picked up by their microphones, he angrily shouted “Kevin Page made me his bitch! There! Are you satisfied now?” and stormed out of the press conference.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2009/07/11/flahertygame090711]
Expect A Potent Defense When The Dark Lord Returns To The Weekend Talk Shows
2 much) “Democrats seek to hold Cheney to account” the headline screamed. For what?
a) interfering with the intelligence gathering process in order to march the country to a war it didn’t have to fight (in contravention of the Geneva Conventions, which are also domestic law)
b) authorizing warrantless wiretapping (in contravention of domestic law)
c) authorizing the kidnapping (“rendition”) and torture (“enhanced interrogation techniques”) of prisoners of war (in contravention of the Geneva Conventions, which are also domestic law)
d) authorizing a to date undisclosed programme that, it has been claimed, was never actually implemented, but having the gall not to tell Congress about it
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Why Aren’t They Extinct Yet?
Anecdodo: a person who uses anecdotes in an argument believing that they carry the same weight as facts.
Anecdodal evidence: an anecdote used in an argument in the belief that it outweighs facts.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
Smells Like Teen Unwashed Socks
We’re told we should try to find positive aspects of the garbage strike. Okay. One good thing to come out of the strike is that we no longer notice or care about the smell of homeless people.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
SOL? Sappy On Life? Supremely Over Litigation? Support Our Loofahs? What? WHAT?
The Rap On Lobbying
It may not be funny
But, money, honey
Makes government run
It’s not a bribe
That talk’s just jive
It’s just a politician trying to stay alive
Businesses thrive
When bosses strive
To keep lines of communication to the government live
Don’t squawk
Cause they don’t balk
Everybody knows legislation is based on talk
With those whose stock
Has gotta rock
Up and down the Wall Street block
You’re not impressed
By political redress?
I gotta stress
Only the best
Should be allowed to talk to Congress
If you’re part of the rest
With the wrong address
You’re SOL, I guess
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/282.html]
One Good Pfeh! Deserves Another, So Pfeh!
Liberals! What can I tell you? Crying about conservative attack ads like the bunch of whipped pussies that they are. I mean, liberals do attack ads, too! Liberals have ads saying there is enough evidence to investigate whether or not Dick Cheney authorized torture. Pfeh! What’s the difference between that and conservatives running ads that say President Obama is a socialist communist fascist terrorist-lover who needs to fail because his radical agenda is destroying the country? I see no difference. Not being able to see the equivalence between things that are obviously the same…that’s madness. Insanity. A clear sign of not being right in the head.
Oh, and, since I brought up the subject, let me explain – again! – why Cheney authorizing torture was not the same as the Nazis authorizing torture…
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_071209/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
When High And Low Culture Clash, We End Up With Muddle Culture
Michael Jackson, by transcending his raceness, brought the whole issue of the racialized nature of our culture to the forefront. The fact that discussion of his rederacinization took place, for the most part, in tabloid newspapers, where it was often misidentified as “freaky weirdness,” only underscores the difficulties a raco-provocateur has in getting people outside of academia to take him seriously.
SOURCE: Social Science in the Abstract
[http://library.monolog.com/intellectualjacksoningoff/html/jmp.html]
What They Don’t Understand Is That The Best Comedians Are Proactive – They Don’t Wait For Official Reports To Make Fun Of Politicians
Top nine reasons not to release to the public a transcript of the Justice Department’s interview with then Vice President Dick Cheney:
9. It would scare children.
8. The earth will stop rotating on its axis, and that won’t be good for Halliburton.
7. It contains spoilers for the next season of Heroes.
6. It would scare adults.
5. The characters are flat and the plot is ridiculous – and we already have Bruno.
4. Two words: astroturf burn.
3. Because of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, the army has fired all of its Cheney to English translators.
2. Nobody would pay any attention because it doesn’t contain anything about Michael Jackson.
1. I would make fun of him.
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/list]
Soul Searching Takes No Time At All When The Devil Owns Yours
The Security Intelligence Review Committee called for a “fundamental reassessment” within the Canadian Security Intelligence Service. Thirty seconds later, representatives of CSIS reported that they had completed a comprehensive review of the organization and determined that it was fine.
When asked how comprehensive a review that lasted only 30 seconds could be, CSIS replied that they had looked at operations in the first seven seconds, command and control structure in the next five seconds, internal communications for six seconds and external communications, especially with Parliament, for 10 seconds. The other two seconds were devoted to a well deserved coffee break.
“We were considering adding another 15 seconds to the review,” CSIS spokesweasel Harve Arachne commented, “but, honestly, we couldn’t think of anything else to look at.”
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2009/07/14/csis&beanies090714]