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The Daily Me Staff
Rejects 2025
INT. BOARDROOM – DAY
STEPHEN MILLER, KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE and DONALD TRUMP, JR. are sitting around a long meeting table. At the other end of the table, DONALD TRUMP sits, playing with a GI Joe and Barbie dolls. Action figures. Whatever. He’s making them make smoochie face, with appropriate sounds.
DONALD TRUMP, JR.: Oh, my god, the Democrats’re imploding! It’s such a beautiful thing to see!
STEPHEN MILLER: Don’t crow just yet. A lot can happen between now and November.
JR.: Oh, yeah! We could blanket the airwaves with ads quoting Democrats about how unfit Joe Biden is to be President. It’s like they don’t even want to win the election!
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE: Blood lust has eaten away their brains. Sacrifice one too many babies and its bound to happen.
Miller and Jr. look at her for a couple of seconds.
MILLER: Okay. Yeah. Look, I’m not the person to look to if you want moderation, but –
JR.: Biden is gaga! Biden is gaga! Biden is gaga! We run ads with that message and even his mother won’t vote for him!
MILLER: I take your point, but –
DONALD TRUMP: Barbie is a fox. I’d do her in a second.
Miller, Guilfoyle and Jr. look at her for a couple of seconds.
MILLER: Donald…
TRUMP: I hear she’s got no [BEEEEEP]. That just means we’d have to get creative…
MILLER: Donald! Go back to playing with your dolls!
JR.: Hey! Don’t talk to my father like that!
MILLER: Sorry. Mister President! Go back to playing with your actions figures!
TRUMP: Yeah. Whatever. I was just sayin’… (mutters) You promised me a hamburger…
GUILFOYLE: (shouting) Death to liberals! Round ’em up and send ’em to hell!
MILLER: (to camera) The things I have to put up with to dismantle the administrative state!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227886]
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Some Believe That Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats Is The Greatest Book In English
Reasonable Felines Can Hiss And Snarl And Paw The Air In Front Of Each Other Until They Run Out Of Energy, Then Find A Shoe To Piss In
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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The Perks Of Moving Will Take Your Breath Away…Unless The Carbon Dioxide/Sulfuric Acid Atmosphere Does It First
Telus call centre workers have been told that the Ontario office will be closed, and that they have a choice of having their contracts bought out or moving. To Venus. The union representing the workers say this is a backdoor way of firing them without actually firing them.
“That’s not true,” argued Telus spokesweasel Brandi Merker. “For one thing, we offer those willing to relocate a generous oxygen subsidy. We don’t have to do that. Legally. And we have already added sunscreen to our medical benefits package. Honestly, I would take this deal if I wasn’t allergic to solar flares!”
SOURCE: Not to Belabour the Point
[http://www.n2btp.com/content/1&ID=%25%22%2DT%2FRE%2C%20%0A&type=a&mr=332&CFID=723762&CFTOKIN=18707957]
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The Man Knew His Cow Farts
How Well That Reflects On His Legacy…
Denmark plans on levying a tax on farmers of cows, sheep and pigs because their farts contain methane that contributes to global warming. The tax will be about $60 per ton of carbon dioxide equivalent, although due to an income tax deduction of 60%, it will be more like blah blah blah. It’s a tax. On cow farts.
In response, American Republicans exulted, “Ronald Reagan was a prophet!”
SOURCE: The New York Crimes
[https://www.nycrimes.com/live/2024/07/12/international/denmark-cow-farts-reagan]
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Canadian Politics Can Be Boiled Down To: The Pout vs. The Glare
Under fire from allies at the NATO summit, Prime Minister Trudeau has insisted that Canada is on the way to reaching the benchmark of 2% of its budget going to defence by the year 2032. Would this be a similar path to Canada reaching Net Zero carbon emissions by 2035?
“That…that’s hurtful,” the Prime Minister pouted.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2024/07/12/offensivedefence240712]
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The Government Of Florida Is So Efficient, It Banned The Book Before It Came Out!
The Night Has a Thousand One Eyes “i”
Ermeline Pseudonym
Alexandria Publishing
Aimee Roxette leads a double life. By day, she is a stock broker at a prestigious Wall Street firm. By night, she is a renegade librarian, shelving volumes and fighting against forces in society that would ban books. When a mysterious stranger arrives at her firm with a plan to privatize public libraries, can Aimee keep her daytime and nighttime lives separate?
Highly relevant. Highly recommended.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.45.14/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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He May Not Be A Real Doctor, But He Does Feel Real Hate
So…That…
Hey, Fucking Doctor!
All my life, I’ve been told that Jews controlled the world economy, and that they were working behind the scenes to control world events. I found that belief comforting. After all, why believe the evidence that my own people were oppressing me when there was an easy to swallow conspiracy theory that people not like me were oppressing me?
But now I’m told as a good Christian I should support the state of Israel. I mean, a Jew state. I have to support a Jew state! It doesn’t make sense to me. Can you make it make sense to me?
Hey, Fucking Jerkwad!
I understand your confusion at what must seem like an irreconcilable contradiction. But if you dig just a little bit deeper, you’ll see that there is no contradiction.
Do you want to get to heaven? Of course you do, being a good Christian and all! Well. As the bible makes clear, the End Times will only happen when all of the Jews in the world have gone back to Israel. At that point, they will either be converted to Christianity or killed. Because, as we all know, heaven is a place without Jews.
So, you really have to ask yourself if giving in to your antisemitic feelings in the short run is helpful to your long-term interest. You may want to join the millions of Christians who have already decided to delay their immediate gratification to focus on the big picture.
Moron.
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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