Thank you, Theando Alltheengs, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, what does the Pro – Pro – Pro – sorry, we can’t make ourselves say it – the Conservative government of Ontario have against cormorants? Okay, they’re kind of ugly and look like they just slid on ice and are flailing to right themselves whenever they start to fly. But, that’s no reason to – oh, yeah, they nest in trees and their poop is nasty. Naaaaas-tyyyyyy. That’s not great. And, despite the horribleness of their poop, they are basically inedible. Or, maybe because of it. Evolution is weird. Still, that’s no reason to licence hunters to kill up to 13,750 of the birds per year. That’s a lot of dead birds.
Now, if we were talking about the yellow-bellied Kruger tit, that would be a whole different story!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
I Wish I Theresa May, I Wish – Eww! Why Would Anybody Wish That‽
An 8.2 metre high statue of an angel made out of knives that had been confiscated by police across Britain has been installed in the Liverpool Cathedral. The Knife Angel is the creation of Alfie Bradley, a 26 year-old sculptor who got the idea after his friend was stabbed outside a nightclub.
The alternate name for the sculpture, Theresa May’s Future, is rumoured to be popular with many politicians and financiers in the country.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/t119/Os/14/
4e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=65389]
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One Investigation Down, 16 To Go
President Donald Trump has agreed to shut down his personal charity, the Donald J. Trump Foundation. This comes after allegations that Trump used the charity’s money to pay legal settlements for his private business, buy art for one of his clubs and make political donations, all of which are illegal.
“FAKE NEWS!” President Trump tweeped at 2:37 in the morning. “The Foundation helped more people than mother teressa. We gave more money to charity than the GROSS NATIONAL PRODUCT of Bolivia. Believe me, people, I ran the best Foundation since Jesus was a puppy! And, anyway, DON’T MY CRITICS KNOW CHARITY BEGINS IN THE HOME?!!!”
SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer
[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49882-2018Dec18.html]
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Locke Also Starred In Movies With a Big Dumb Ape…And Clyde
Actress Sandra Locke has died at the age of 74 from cardiac arrest brought on by breast and bone cancer. Apparently, The Heart continues to be a Lonely Hunter.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Carpay Diem – Seize The Eww!
The great thing about the Basket of Deplorables is that if you believe your right to make homophobic slurs is more important than the right of gay people to live without the fear of violent attacks, you can find a neighbourhood of like-minded people. Of course, that’s also the deplorable thing, but please remember where you are.
Ordinarily, a low level political grunt like John Carpay would live ignominiously in the Basket (despite being such a…a…a lawyer!). But, he was compared by Jason Kenny, leader of the breakaway (on his own net) United Conservative Party, to civil rights activist Rosa Parks.
Carpay was compared to civil rights activist Rosa Parks.
Civil rights activist Rosa Parks.
Rosa Parks.
Okay. Sure. Carpay is exactly like Rosa Parks, if, when she refused to leave her seat on the bus, she put equal blame on the racist southerners and the Jewish owners of the bus company. Unfortunately for him, history remembers the incident a little differently.
Kenny’s willingness to allow people like Carpay to be members of UCP is the real issue. According to a Kenny spokeswiesel, “The UCP is a big-tent party…” Does that mean that it will accept Nazis as well as homophobes?
The Basket of Deplorables is big enough for the whole circus. It just wishes it didn’t have to be.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Doing The Morally Right Thing Often Is
“Cancelling our Saudi arms deal would merely be a feel-good measure”
– Globe and Mail
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1570213429]
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Political Principle Inaction
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Federal Conservative leader ANDREW SCHEER drinks white wine at a table with Progressive Conservative Ontario Premier DOUG FORD, who is nursing a beer.
ANDREW SCHEER: (muttering) He’s so pretty! I hate him! Hate him! Hate him! Hate him!
DOUG FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: Well, exactly! It’s like nothing touches him! The whole Indiagate thing? That would have taken down a lesser politician in two seconds flat! Two seconds! Flat! Squished like a bug! But, not him! Nooooo, not him!
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: Yes. Yes, I need to eat away at his popularity with an issue that is important to people. I’m not sure that your approach to the environment is a winner, though.
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: Don’t get me wrong, Doug. I love your…enthusiasm. But, a lot of people actually like wetlands – don’t ask me why – so opening them up for development might not be the winner I need. And, cormorants? Seriously? Nobody gives a shit about cormorants – how am I supposed to turn that into a wedge issue?
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: Yes! Now we’re talking! That little twerp just gave $3.9 to fund education for girls around the world just so he could be BFFs with Trevor Noah!
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: Hey! I know that the money was committed weeks ago, long before the host of The Daily Show came into the picture. I’m not stupid. I just don’t know how many of our potential supporters know that.
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: You said it. I didn’t.
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: Yes. Of course, that would be –
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: Sorry, I thought you were – are you finished, now? Okay. Yes. Immigration is definitely a winner. Did you see what the little brat did? Signing on to the Global Compact for Migration? Man, we can hang that one on him. When I start talking about how it will interfere with Canadian sovereignty, people will flock to us. Take that, Jason Kenny!
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: Ha ha! I can. The expression on his face when we steal his policy will be priceless!
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: Absolutely. Bartender! Once again!
FORD: (incoherent snarling)
SCHEER: What? I thought this was your round…
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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