Thank you, The Brantford Accordion and Whale Bone Society, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we love the Olympics. Like, really love the Olympics. When we started hearing the strangled cries of Uyghurs emanating out of China, we turned up the volume on the sports cliches we’ve heard a million times before and still can’t get enough of. When they were joined by the anguished voices of Tibetan Buddhists, we covered our ears with our Canada flag ear warmers and shouted, “Nyah, nyah, I can’t hear you!” Did we mention how much we love the Olympics?
But fake snow? Oh, no, no, no!
The area where the outdoor winter Olympics are held makes the Gobi desert look like the Amazon rain forest, so the Chinese government decided to create fake snow. Energy intensive? Sure. Water intensive, you bet. Not as safe for the athletes? So they say. Not that we care about any of that (if we can ignore the suffering of Uyghurs, those problems aren’t going to phase us). No, what really gets our gonads is how China is so willing to sell out the purity of sports. This is not what the Greeks had in mind when they created the uphill slalom event all those millennia ago!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Trusting In Republicans’ Good Faith Was Our First Myth Stake
To celebrate black history month, states like Texas and Florida have banned the teaching of black history. From now on, black history will begin and end with thirteen words out of Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech.
“It’s not about erasing slavery from American history,” insisted Texas Governor Greg “Heeeeeeeyyyyy” Abbott. “It’s about raising that part of our history to the level of myth…”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2022Feb02.html]
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You Know What They Say About The Supreme Court: Don’t Accept Your Nomination If You Don’t Think You Can Hack It!
Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch made a guest appearance at the arch-villainous – sorry, arch-conservative – its easy to get the two confused these days – Federalist Society Jamboree and Grievance Bake over the weekend. Unlike most of the other sessions, this one was closed to journalists, so we have no record of what he said. It’s a pretty good bet, though, that Gorsuch complained bitterly about the Court’s growing unpopularity due to the perception that it has become a home for right-wing partisan hacks.
SOURCE: Business Law Daily
[http://biz.mcferber.biz/pubs/BLD/login]
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The Biz Whiz Would Like His Readers To Know That He Does Not Play A Communist Hater On TV, He Just Really Is One!
Hey, Biz Whiz!
The press is moaning about inflation. Inflation this, they say, inflation that! Even, sometimes, inflation other! So what? Inflation isn’t going to affect the value of my vintage bottle cap collection. And sure, it may add a few thousand dollars to the cost of a house, but in this market my chances of owning a house are worse than me being the first man on the moon, and my parents didn’t think to name me Neil! Sure, I’ll have to pay more for food, but that just means one less serving of Mac and cheese a week; my arteries will be grateful!
You know who inflation really hits hard? Bill Musk and Elon Tesla, that’s who! If inflation eats away at the value of the dollar, they could lose billions of dollars of their paper wealth! Do you really expect me to cry crocodile tears for them when I would much rather see them encounter a real crocodile?
The Biz Whiz:
Communist.
SOURCE: The Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32992641366641314337fx]
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If Only The People With The Least Knowledge Would Take The Path Of Least Resistance!
SOURCE: T-dot Ts
[http://t-dotts/store/new]
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If You Can’t Hear The Math, I Have A T-shirt I’d Like To Sell You…
It is an age-old question: how much is a life worth? For Fox News anchormonster Tucker Carlson, it has a simple answer:
VL = ____AV___
where
VL represents the value of a single life
AV represents his daily viewership
CLL represents the number of lives lost unnecessarily to COVID
Given that there were 878,000 Covid deaths in the United States as of January 27, 600,000 of which could have been prevented if the right hadn’t turned a public health crisis into a political wedge issue, and that Carlson’s show averages 4,330,000 viewers, that works out to 7.22 viewers per life.
That may not seem like a lot. However, when you consider how Carlson has converted 7.22 viewers per life into a six million dollar a year income, the math speaks for itself.
SOURCE: Entertainment For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/home.asp?did=672&dir=bb]
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This Tragedy Might Have Been Avoided If Only Lassie Hadn’t Been Downtown Supporting The Truckers’ Anti-vaccination Rally
“Moroccan boy dies after four days in well”
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1870033568]
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Justice Is Not The Figure That Should Be Punched In The Nose In This Scenario
Are You Listening, Badge Number 666?
Metro police are not a force that’s martial
And they should always tell fascists to leave them alone,
Insist they’re there to enforce laws in a manner impartial,
And will not stop for photos taken by fascists’ cellphones.
They should not grin and strike a pose –
That would be like punching Justice in the nose.
If you don’t want to be seen as the far right’s patsy
Don’t take selfies with a Nazi.
Cops are generally conservative,
Of that there is no doubt.
To them, a lot of admiration fascists give,
Covetous of their real clout.
A lot of cops like the way they pretend
To be a law enforcement officer’s best friend.
Still, this ain’t no polite game of Yahtzee,
So don’t take selfies with a Nazi.
Some cops believe their message is right
And so don’t want to offend fascists.
Some cops see that the vast majority of them are white
And will do anything to defend fascists.
They may see things in black and white, but mostly it’s the latter
It’s hard to see cops posing with protesters from Black Lives Matter!
Fascists may be having a moment, but trouble is all they’ve got. See
That you don’t take selfies with a Nazi!
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/827.html]
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