Thank you, the baby cheeses, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we wondered: what is it about big, round numbers that people find so attractive? Take 1,000. Is it really more impressive than 999 or1,001? shouldn’t 1,001 be one more impressive? Apparently, that’s the way numerical systems work, but not human fascination systems. If we’re talking about time, 1,000 weeks is only 19 and a quarter years. Not so round now, is it? Not so impressive.
Aaaaaanyway…
Congratulations to one of our contributing sources, Les Pages aux Folles, for 1,000 consecutive weekly updates. But seriously, don’t talk to us until you’ve hit 20 years. Now that is an impressive number!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Jesus May have Wept, But At Least He Didn’t Lick Dirty Forks!
Dennis Prager might not die. It makes you wonder just how committed to his principles the conservative radio talk show host is.
Phil Valentine? Dead as a Biden ambassadorial nominee. Dick Farrel? Gone, soon to be forgotten. Jimmy DeYoung? Run down the final curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisi-bule. Marc Bernier? Sleeping with the fishes (and you know the old saying: when you sleep with the fishes, you wake up with a bad case of not being able to wake up! …I didn’t say they were pithy…or that they made much sense…). Bob Enyart? Dead as a coffin nail.
What did these five men have in common? They were all conservative radio talk show hosts. They all told their listeners to ignore everything official sources said about COVID-19. To prove the official sources lied, they refused to get vaccinated or wear masks in public gatherings. And they all died of the novel coronavirus. In the war against the liberal elites, they made the ultimate sacrifice.
But Prager? He did everything but lick dirty forks to get COVI – no, wait, he did lick dirty forks to get COVID. Eww! After hugging thousands of people, he finally got his wish. He got “great chills” from which he has slowly recovered and lost his sense of smell; he was back on the airwaves after a three day hospital treatment that the vast majority of his listeners will never be able to afford. Okay, he probably won’t enjoy eating steaks any more, but, on the plus side, he won’t have to live with the stench of his stogies, so the whole debacle has been something of a wash.
You would have thought that the irony alone would have been enough to kill Prager. Unfortunately, for those who live in the Basket of Deplorables, irony ain’t nothin’ but a supplement to help them maintain rich blood!
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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A Comedian Dies A Thousand Times Before His Death, But The Audience Tastes Of Death But Once
Mort Sahl has died at the age of 94 of the disease of oldness. When asked how it felt, Sahl replied, “Better than dying on The Tonight Show in 1969, let me tell you!”
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Shhh!
14 things nobody talks about
1. The fur in the back of their mouths.
2. The dark thoughts about vegetarian butchers that visit them during the twilight of consciousness in the dread of night.
3. The dread of night.
4. Chris Evans’ hairpiece.
5. Aunt Bertha’s complaint.
6. Why the number 9 looks like the number 6 standing on its head.
7. Chris Pratt’s codpiece.
8. Who will get your vintage collection of Pez dispensers when you die.
9. Who the better jazz drummer was: Friedrich Nietzche or Pauly Shore.
10. What ever happened to Pope Anastius IV.
11. How much we’ll miss bees when they’re gone.
12. If you backspace over a letter and type it again, whether it can be considered the same letter or a different letter.
13. A piece of Chris Pine’s mind.
14. How many times a day a broken church bell correctly rings.
SOURCE: The Web Page of Lists
[http://www.ListsPage.argh/2021/November/Shhhhhhhh.asp]
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Hmm…Why Does Your “Friend” Sound Strangely Familiar?
If fossil fuels are such a great industry, why does the federal government subsidize them to the tune of billions of dollars every year?
Asking for a friend.
If Alberta wants the provincial equalization payment formula to be reconsidered, would it be willing to have fossil fuel subsidies renegotiated at the same time?
Asking for a different, but closely related friend.
SOURCE: Asking for a Friend: Your Source of Impertinent Questions for the New Millennium
[http://A4AF/New]
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If You Fall For That One, I Have A Tech Startup In My Basement Near The Brooklyn Bridge That Might Interest You
There’s a new company on the tech scene called Meta. The company builds social networks, a lot like Facebook, only it’s not Facebook. The company’s CEO is Mark Zuckerberg, who was the CEO of Facebook, but the new company is not Facebook. Its staff seems to be the staff who worked on Facebook, but it’s not Facebook. It makes its money by aggregating information about its users and selling it to advertisers, the financial model of Facebook, but the company’s not Facebook. It values engagement over the well-being of its users, just like Facebook, but it is not Facebook.
Where could Facebook possibly have gone?
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/211031/geeklynews/01aggregatethispalhahaha.htm]
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Father Knows Gornisht
When I was a lad
I had a dad
Who was always offering advice.
It wasn’t all bad
(Although the worst was truly sad),
But this piece made me think twice:
Don’t be a putz!
Don’t be a yutz!
And never, never, never be a schmuck!
If you don’t want to spend your life on the bench,
Do your best to be a mensch –
If you want life’s nachis, it’s responsibilities you shouldn’t duck.
My confusion could be clearly seen;
What could my father possibly mean?
To follow his advice made me skittish.
To get me to go along, you had to hit me with something between
A small truck and a hammer, ball peen.
Could life-affirming words really be Yiddish?
Don’t be a putz!
Don’t be a yutz!
And never, never, never be a schmuck!
Don’t force your friends their fists to clench.
Do your best to be a mensch,
Or when the moshiach comes, six feet under you’ll be permanently stuck!
Okay, okay!
Oh, my! Oy vey!
I’ll be a better man!
I’ll put my putzy tendencies away,
And save my inner schmuck for another day,
And the yutz in me will have to make other plans!
Don’t be a putz!
Don’t be a yutz!
And never, never, never be a schmuck!
Of evil awkwardness, I’ll lose the stench.
I’ll do my best to be a mensch.
Unfortunately, the world loves a bad boy – just my luck!
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/826.html]
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