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You Can’t Be Too Jewsy
Do Jewish parents spoil their children? Of course we do!
When they’re young and they notice that most of the non-Jewish children around them are getting lots of presents at Christmas, do we tell them that the distribution of goods in the world is essentially unfair and that they should suck it up? Of course not! We promote a minor holiday, Chanukah, to major status, with gift giving, candle lighting, spinning of dreidels and other fun. Okay, it ain’t exactly Christmas, but we try.
When our girls notice that their Bar Mitzvahed brothers are getting lots of attention and loot, what do we do? We create a Bat Mitzvah ceremony out of thin air for them! Because, really, we see no point telling our daughters that the world values boys more than it does girls.
There will be plenty of time in life for them to learn that lesson.
SOURCE: Judaism Right Now
[www.cwp.org.uk/HarkHaroldAngelsSing/Archives/judaismrightnow/spoiledor.htm]
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I’ve Still Got Scars On My Stomach From My Years On The Hula Hoop Circuit
Fadamant: believing with absolutely certainty that the fad you are currently interested in will last longer than the fed you replaced it with.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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The Bipartisan Spirit Shows Up In The Strangest Places
IrishEddieOHara says:
You forgot to show the concentration camps for those who will continue to oppose Barack Obama, that slimey baby killer.
MaldivianScarlettOHara says:
Dude, chill out. This Web page is for reruns of Peanuts comic strips, for goodness’ sakes!
SOURCE: Old Comics
[http://www.oldcomics.com/peanuts/]
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Hello, Shopper’s Drug Mart? Got Any Perspective? Cuz I Got A Headline Writer Who Could Sure Could Use Some
“LICENSED TO BEND THE RULES
Like James Bond, office superstars often get special treatment from the boss – enough to make co-workers want to chuck a shoe-bomb under their desks.”
– Globe and Mail headline
“US warplanes ‘bomb Afghan wedding party'”
– The Independent headline
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1306586038]
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Not Waiting For God To Open The Door
8pm. The Fishing Network. Reeling in the Big Ones, with Chuck Formaldehyde. Chuck’s special guest is Sarah Palin, who shows him how to fish with a rifle.
9pm. Fox. Family Guy. Sarah Palin makes a guest appearance as Stewie’s nanny. They find they have much in common.
10pm. CBS. CSI Wasilla. Sarah Palin makes a guest appearance as a state governor whose home contractor is murdered before he can reveal whether or not his company built her house for free in return for a $25 million contract to build a sports stadium nearby.
11pm. NBC. Friends. Sarah Palin makes a guest appearance as Chandler’s crazy aunt who thinks she has a shot at becoming President of the United States, even though the show ended years before Palin appeared on the public stage.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Sounds Like The Name Of A Fairly Oddparents Character
There are a lot of reasons to be sad that Elwyn Tinklenberg didn’t oust Michelle Bachmann in a Mississippi House race. For me, the main one is that I was looking forward to saying Elwyn Tinklenberg for the next few years.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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That’s Nothing! The Obamas Haven’t Chosen A Dog Yet, But It’s Autobiography Is Already Worth $10 Million!
MONDAY: I got so fed up with waiting in line to get a special coffee order that I told the barista to just give me whatever everybody else was having. I figured: better latte than never.
TUESDAY: A good day is when I have more new messages in my inbox than I do in my junk mail box.
WEDNESDAY: I’d have Arianna Huffington’s baby any time. I…I’m not sure how that would work, but being willing should count for something!
THURSDAY: Henry Kissinger has said he believes Hillary Clinton would make a great Secretary of State. Be afraid. Be very afraid…
FRIDAY: Would giving government money to bail out the Big Three automakers be a case of lemon aid?
SATURDAY: Apparently, Sarah Palin has been offered $7 million to write a book. Or, should that be “write” a book. After it’s been published, do you think she’ll be able to tell Katie Couric the title?
SUNDAY: David and Amy Pollard met in the online environment Second Life and were married both there and in real life. When Amy caught David having sex with a character in the virtual world she divorced him in the real world. And people think that letting homosexuals marry is going to undermine the sanctity of marriage?
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Kyl The Messenger
“This is strictly about whether or not a minority of senators is going to prevent the president from being able to name and get confirmed judges that he chooses after he’s been elected by the American people. And it’s never been the case, until the last two years, that a minority could dictate to the majority what they could do.”
– Arizona Senator Jon Kyl, circa 2005
“I will lead a filibuster if the nominee is the kind of radical leftist who decides cases based on empathy rather than the Constitution or the law. And if that’s what [Obama] intends to do, then I’ll try to get my colleagues to join in that as well.”
– Arizona Senator Jon Kyl, circa yesterday afternoon
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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The Last Inaction Hero
Prime Minister Stephen Harper, before attending the G20 summit to deal with the global economic crisis, stated, “People around the world, including Canadians, are worried about what this crisis means and they expect their leaders will act to address these problems.
“We must begin by _________________________ *. Assuming that works, our next move would be to __________________ *. If either of these tactics fail, we should not hesitate to ____________________ *. Of course, it would help if we could be doing _________________ * at the same time, but that will depend on some factors that are out of our control. Still, if we take these actions, our economies should be in good shape.”
* action to be named at a later date
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.200801112.eladvote1112_@/BNStory/newsEconomicCatastrophe2008/]
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