Thank you, Simone Sebag Montefiore, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we attended the ceremony celebrating four stars of Canada’s national sport. Of course, given current labour woes, they should have been inducted into the Hooky Hall of Fame…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Canada Becoming A Military Nation? It’s In The Bag…
INTERVIEWER: I’m speaking with Barbara and Annette, two students at the Robert J. Sawyer Elementary School of Rocket Science.
BARBARA: (giggles) ‘Lo.
ANNETTE: (serious) Hi.
INTERVIEWER: Last week, your school gave you tote bags commemorating Canada’s victory in the War of 1812. How do you feel about that?
ANNETTE: It’s about time we celebrated this country’s military heritage. ‘Sides, honestly, it made a nice change from finger painting and nappies!
INTERVIEWER: I see. And, what about you, Barbara?
BARBARA: (giggles) ‘Lo.
INTERVIEWER: Yes, hello. And, what do you think about the War of 1812 tote bags?
BARBARA: Umm, like, I think it’s like, you know, blatant military propagandizing that, I don’t know, doesn’t have a place in our public education system?
ANNETTE: Humph! Well! Bobby Bratwurst agrees with me!
BARBARA: Well, Bobby Bratwurst is a poopy head!
INTERVIEWER: Now, now. There’s no need for that kind of language.
BARBARA: Oh, like, yeah? Try telling that to Grover Norquist!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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In Other News, Earth Still Flat
Although Sun Media recently announced that it will be cutting 500 positions, the media giant’s owners insists that these…efficiencies will not affect the quality of its journalism. “All of the newspapers in our chain have complete editorial autonomy,” said Quebecor President and CEO Pierre Karl Peladeau. “These…efficiencies will not affect the quality of their journalism.”
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2012/11/15/509727.html]
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Sounds Like A Better Legacy To Me
CIA Director David Petraeus has resigned amid allegations that he had an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. This will guarantee that, instead of being remembered for increasing civilian deaths carrying out the Iraq War’s “Surge,” Petraeus will be remembered for being a punchline in a Daily Show monologue.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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If At First You Don’t Secede…
What’s the difference between liberals who threatened to move to Canada if George W. Bush won the Presidency and conservatives who are signing petitions on a White House Web site for their states to secede from the union?
The conservatives have guns. Lots and lots of guns. Holy wow, do they have guns.
Unlike liberals, who stayed put and bitched for eight years, the conservatives may yet act on their bile. I say let ’em secede. Conservatives have been living in their own reality for decades – the most humane thing to do now would be to help them move there!
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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PBO – Not Just Something To Put In Your Children’s Lunch Bag Any More
Contradicting a government claim that 70 per cent of its efforts to cut the deficit will come from “efficiencies” in the way that the government is run, Parliamentary Budget Officer Kevin Page estimates that only about 15 per cent of planned spending cuts can be made this way.
“Wait till we close the Parliamentary Budget Office,” Prime Minister Stephen Harper muttered. “I bet you the government will be much more efficient then!”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20121102.eladvote1102_@/BNStory/newsTurnThePage2012/]
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Fifty Shades Of 2000, All Of Them Pale
Florida state officials were stunned when Representative Allen West demanded a recount amid veiled accusations of “disturbing irregularities” after only a single vote had been counted. True, it was cast for Democrat challenger Patrick Murphy. Still, it was only one vote.
Lawyers for the West campaign demanded that ballots and voting machines be immediately impounded pending a full investigation of the allegations of improprieties which, it must be noted, only lawyers for the West campaign are making. A Palm Beach County Circuit Court judge rejected the demands, saying, “Why don’t we wait until a second vote is counted? You never know – the tide could turn your candidate’s way!”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2012Nov06.html]
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In Other News, Earth Still – Waaaaaait A Minute – Where Have We Heard That Before?
Although Sun Media recently announced that it will be cutting 500 positions, the media giant’s owners insists that these…efficiencies will not affect the quality of its journalism. “All of the newspapers in our chain have complete editorial autonomy,” said Quebecor President and CEO Pierre Karl Peladeau. “These…efficiencies will not affect the quality of their journalism.”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2012/11/15/509727.html]
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Combat Tests A Soldier’s Medal
Due to the increased use of unmanned craft in warfare – which has caused a steep decline in the number of decorations its members have won over the past decade – the US Air Force has suggested creating three new medals specifically for pilots of military drones. They are:
- Valour in Defending Territory in the Face of UEF (Ultra-distant Enemy Fire)
- Carpal Stress Injury in the Line of Duty
- Distinguished Service Above and Beyond the Call of Duty (Especially the Ability to Not Laugh at Being Given This Preposterous Medal)
SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer
[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49882-2012Nov14.html]
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In Other – No, No This Is Definitely Ringing A Bell…
Although Sun Media recently announced that it will be cutting 500 positions, the media giant’s owners insists that these…efficiencies will not affect the quality of its journalism. “All of the newspapers in our chain have complete editorial autonomy,” said Quebecor President and CEO Pierre Karl Peladeau. “These…efficiencies will not affect the quality of their journalism.”
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2012/11/15/509727.html]
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Naan Da Man – Isn’t He The Head Of Marvel Comics?
The Department of Citizenship and Immigration spent almost $750,000 monitoring ethnic media for its “perceptions” of Minister Jason Kenney.
Defending the practice, the Minister of Curry in a Hurry, also known as the Minister of Unagi in the Baggie, who is sometimes referred to as The Minister of Naan for Da Man, aka The Minister of Egg Rolls at the Polls, who has been known to be called The Minister for Jerk that Works, who has also responded to being called The Minister of the Souvlaki Vote Jockey and whose letterhead once boasted that he was The Minister of Taking Poutine for the Team, said, “The perception that my party is using government resources to garner ethnic votes is absolutely mistaken!”
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
1088527631813&call_pageid=96830148492&col=977366972154]
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