Thank you, Scott Sturm und Eliza Drang for Congress, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, Russia’s invasion of Ukraine put our petty little problems in perspective. It really did. That bump on our left elbow? Sure, it hurts like hell. But it’s not as bad as the shelling in Kiev. That’s perspective for you. Our boss giving us grief just because we’re three weeks late with the Kefauver Account documentation? Sure, we could lose out jobs if we don’t get more serious about, you know, doing them. But at least we’re not refugees fleeing a war-torn country. Perspective. Nothing worth watching on TV tonight? It’s not like an invading military has shut down independent stations.
Still…not having anything to watch on TV has left us brooding about our problems at work and how much the throbbing in our elbow is starting to hurt.
Perspective sure makes you think. We think perspective is overrated.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
France Nodded Sagely And Poured Cabernet Sauvignon Into The Pot Containing The Fern That It Was Sitting Next To
Russia. China. France. North Korea. One of these things is not like the others.
If you said Russia because it is the only country in the group whose citizens love bathing in borscht, you would be technically correct, but that’s not the answer I’m looking for. If you said China because it’s the only country of the four that has a physical as well as digital firewall, again, correct but not so much. If you said North Korea, because it has never made a bid to host the Olympics, you would have been right…until now.
“Summer Olympics,” said North Korea Sports and Recreation Minister Kim Il-guk. “2028. Give it to us or there will be consequences.”
“That’s just insane!” responded sports commentator Biff Monroe. “North Korea has a deranged, kleptocratic government that allows no dissent! They shouldn’t be rewarded with such a prestigious event as the Olympics!”
China looked away, embarrassed. Russia defiantly looked him in the eye, as if to say, “Yeah. So?”
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#53268966335]
Russian Leader Believes Grievances Best Not Kept Behind Closed Doors
Yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin gave an unhinged speech. I mean, he tore the door down, removed the hinge, melted it and distilled it into its component elements so that he could introduce the most toxic of them into Kiev’s water supply. That door ain’t being put back in that frame any time soon!
He pouted. He cried. He wondered why Ukraine didn’t love Russia. Russia loves Ukraine. Loves it to death! He’d do anything to get Ukraine back. It was a corrupt, bankrupt country that didn’t really exist and dressed funny, but it was Russia’s corrupt, bankrupt country that didn’t really exist and dressed funny! Putin went on to talk about how an American stole his pencil eraser when he was in junior KindergartenGB, a betrayal he never forgot and will never forgive. If anything bad happened to Ukraine, therefore, it was America’s fault.
It was a ludicrous case for war.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2022-02-25-pity-party-politics_x.htm]
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
A Hundred Truckers Offended By You Sense Of Humour.
A Hundred Truckers Offended By My Sense Of Humour Wh – Oh…
An Alberta Premier, a Florida Governor and the COVID-19 virus walk into a bar. If anybody can think of a punchline to this set-up, I’d love to hear it. I have no doubt the joke will kill…
SOURCE: Titters Comedy Club
[http://www.titters.com/info/TittersClubs/ElginClub/elgNowAppearing.cfm]
Avoid Finger-pointing, Partisan Games And Buck-passing NOW THAT THEY’VE FINALLY BECOME GOOD AT THEM?
“Our leaders will need to pivot quickly from finger-pointing, partisan games and buck-passing if they are to have any credibility in leading a healing process after this divisive winter.”
– Robin Sears, Toronto Star columnist
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
Television Screen
Confession Good For The Soul
Winter Will Be Long
Thursday, 8pm
China State Television
Lifestyles of the Rich and Corrupt
Tonight, we travel to lovely, scenic Haikou, the capital city of Hainen Province, where former Chinese Communist Party Secretary Zhang Qi’s son “borrowed” millions of dollars from businesspeople in order to buy luxury cars. How many luxury cars does one have to own before being considered “decadent?” The sky’s the limit! Especially if some of them turn into jets!
NOTE: This may be our last issue for a while. Most of our staff has decided to vacation with their families. In Poland. Or Germany. Or the United States. They’re not fussy – the plans were made on the spur of the moment, and refugees can’t be choosers.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
Sure There Is – The Lunacy Will End When Twitter Freezes Your Account For Violating Its Terms Of Service
“Biden is sending free meth & crack pipes to minority communities in the name of ‘racial equity’
There is no end in sight for this lunacy”
– Republican Senator Marco Rubio
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/rubio-tell-it-trubio/]
Don’t Be So Cynical
Thread And Needle Imports Were Down 1,237% Last Quarter
I understand why certain products like computers and automobiles have to raise their prices; important inputs in their production are stuck in long lines at ports. But honestly! How does the corner tailor expect me to believe that he has to raise his prices because of supply chain woes‽
Asking for a friend. Who looks like a whale in those pants!
SOURCE: Asking for a Friend: Your Source of Impertinent Questions for the New Millennium
[http://A4AF.com/New]
Let’s Bring The Iron Curtain Down On This Production
Yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin gave the most inspiring speech that I have ever heard, and I’ve listened to every speech Donald Trump has given since his “I don’t wanna go to sleep and you can’t make me!” barn burner when he was just three years old! After I heard Putin’s speech, I wanted to go out and punch a Ukrainian. Not that I have anything against Ukrainians – I’m sure if I knew any, I would find them wonderful people. Probably. Maybe. I mean, it’s a big world – anything is possible. The point is, that’s how inspiring Putin’s speech was.
His speech was by turns measured and impassioned. Putin started by talking about how much he loved Ukraine. He spoke warmly about the country’s history and economy. Then, he shared a personal anecdote to show how far back he believed American interference in the region went back.
It was a powerful case for war.
SOURCE: Turducken Carlson This Late Afternoon
[https://www.fixed.com/turducken-carlson-this-late-afternoon/]