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The Daily Me – Say My Name!

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Thank you, Say My Name!, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we didn’t need a report to show us that shrinkflation is real: we’re now paying two dollars for a package of M&Ms that contain only one candy! And they haven’t even bothered to change the name to M! Okay, that might have an unfortunate connection to Peter Lorre, but what ever happened to truth in packaging?

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Modern Headhunters Shrink Themselves

Canadian Prime Minister Justin “Not Pierre” Trudeau has announced that he will be resigning. He cited the rancour of the current Parliament as the reason, and offered the hope that his departure would cool the political temperature of the country.

“Well, what do you know?” responded Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre. “Bullying works! Bring on the next Liberal leader!”

“Well, what do you know?” responded American President-elect Donald Trump. “Bullying works! Bring on the next world leader!”

“Well, what do you know?” responded the world’s richest man Elon Musk. “Bullying works! Bring on the new world order!”

SOURCE: The International Colophon Cleanser

[http://icc/new]
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Foolish Consistency Is The Hobgoblin Of Small Countries

Israel has helped a former soldier leave Brazil after legal action was initiated against him by a group accusing Israelis of war crimes in the Gaza Strip. The action was partially based on the social media posts of soldiers.

I joked, “Wouldn’t it be funny if they helped him get to Argentina?”

It wasn’t.

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Like Two Ps In A Podcast

INT. STUDIO – DAY

JORDAN PETERSON and PIERRE POILIEVRE are having a chat.

JORDAN PETERSON: …want, a medal for that face? It’s in the bag…or, it should be!

PIERRE POILIEVRE: (laughing) Good one! I’ll have to remember that the next time I’m assaulted by a FemiNazi!

PETERSON: (laughing) She stomped away, rage making her face even uglier. Poor baby – can’t take a joke!

POILIEVRE: (laughing) Sad, really.

PETERSON: (laughing) So they run to their safe spaces where they know they’ll never hear anything that will offend them.

POILIEVRE: (laughing) Oh, yeah! Safe spaces are for weak people who cannot allow their precious beliefs to be challenged by hard questions.

PETERSON: (suddenly sober) Not…umm…you know, that this podcast is a…a safe space for you.

POILIEVRE: (sober) I never thought it was.

PETERSON: Because it isn’t.

POILIEVRE: Not in the least.

PETERSON: I’m willing to ask you tough questions.

POILIEVRE: And I’m willing to answer your tough questions.

Long pause.

PETERSON: Sooooo…Justin Trudeau – worst Prime Minister in recorded history or just worst Prime Minister on Canadian history?

POILIEVRE: I’m glad you asked me that question…

SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour

[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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The Government Doesn’t Want Its Employees Phoning It In

The Canadian government, confident that COVID is over (or, more likely, that a majority of Canadians have forgotten about it and are living in bli – cough cough – blissfu – cough cough – well, still living, anyway – most of them) has mandated that employees, who had been working from home during the pandemic, return to working in their offices. What were the factors that went into the decision?

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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“Hey, Siri, Can You Guarantee That You Won’t Record My Private Conversations?”
“I Cannot Do That, Dave…”

What is your privacy worth? According to a judge in a California court, $20 per invasion up to a limit of five invasions – as long as they were on different devices.

Consumers believed that Apple would not allow its personal digital assistant Siri to record their conversations, especially when the app had not been activated. Apple thinked different. It shared some of the recorded conversations with advertisers in the hope of selling more digital trinkets to the masses. From 2014, when the program started, to the present, Apple has made $705 billion in profit, so either the program was wildly successful or it didn’t matter.

Only three to five per cent of the millions of Apple users are expected to file claims to get their share of the $95 million settlement (that’s 1.3% of Apple’s profits, for those of you keeping score at home). On the other hand, 100% of the lawyers who filed the suit are expected to collect their share of $29 million in fees and expenses.

This is the system working as it was designed to.

SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report

[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/250104/geeklynews/01sirihahahahahahahahaha.htm]
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Too Bad Twitter/X Doesn’t Have An Annotes Function…

Elon Musk
@elonmusk

Algorithm tweak1 coming soon to promote more informational/entertaining content.2 We will publish the changes to @Xeng.3

Our goal is to maximize4 unregretted5 user-seconds.6 Too much negativity is being pushed7 that technically grows user time, but not unregretted8 user time.9

1. Because traffic is weak, because havoc my ownership did wreak. Expect change as early as this week. Tee hee…k.
2. Because people are paying too much attention to my politics.
3. So that all three of you who are not distractable can – oh, look, a new celebrity scandal!
4. No, not profit, although I wouldn’t say no…
5. Not a word.
6. The regretted user-hours will take care of themselves.
7. By people other than me!
8. Still not a word.
9. This whole tweet can be summed up by the sentiment: “I’m sick of being made fun of, so I’m going to change the character of TwitterX. Again. If you believed everything that I used to say about free speech, sorry about your luck!”

SOURCE: Narcissism For Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/religionfordummies/satirefordummies/narcissismfordummies/home.asp?did=502&dir=bb]
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Rubble With A Cause

Airstrikes in Khan Younis, Gaza killed at least twenty people. It was the seventh time the area had been the target of Israeli bombing since the (defence of the homeland/siege/genocide) began, which strikes critics of the (business as usual/outrage/atrocity) strikes as odd since the place was essentially rubble after the fourth attack.

“We only target militants,” a spokes(person/purported person/propagandist) for the Israeli government stated. “So, the…uhh…the rubble must clearly have belonged to Hamas. Yeah. That’s it. It was Hamas rubble. And I want to assure you that Hamas rubble is a threat to Isreali security, and we are committed to doing everything we can to safeguard our people by neutralizing that threat!”

There was nobody to speak for the rubble.

SOURCE: The Arad Post

[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1042995150025]
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