Thank you, Salvataore Salamanka, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we wondered if we had reached peak stupid. It started with a decision by Italian officials to cover up ancient nude statues in order to not offend Iranian President Hassan Rouhani while he was visiting Rome. Honestly, the Iranians have had hundreds of years to get over it. Then, it was announced that Joseph Fiennes was cast as Michael Jackson in a movie about the singer’s later life. Spike Lee was left speechless by the announcement – nobody who knows the director believed such a thing was possible. Then, Donald Rumsfeld produced a phone app called Churchill Solitaire. At a time of life when he should be pulling the wings off butterflies and complaining about the known unknowns in the stew the jail he’s been put in served for lunch, he has instead put his name on a digital game!
Unfortunately, while stores of intelligence are dwindling, stupid appears to be an infinitely renewable resource.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
You Could Get The Same Rush From Bungee Jumping…Or Bear Tickling
The Quebec government is being taken to court (again) over a law that forbids maple syrup producers from selling their product to people outside the province. Quebec successfully argued that it would undermine the board that markets and sells agricultural products in the province; producers are appealing that decision, claiming that the province has no jurisdiction over sales outside of its borders.
“Yeah, sure, being part of a marketing board is great if all you want is to make a steady living,” explained maple syrup producer Angele Grenier, “but I want to live! I want to feel the highs of making tons of money and the lows of not making enough to cover my costs – I want to experience the full gamut of emotions that only the swings of producing a commodity can induce!”
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2016/01/23/syrupyours160123]
more
It’s Like A Stained Glass Window Of Existential Angst
Waiting for Godot Colouring Book
Samuel Beckett and Annette de la Tourandot
237 pages
$29.95
Two tramps stand by a tree and talk. Forty pages later, they are joined by an older tramp being pulled along in a cart by a younger tramp. Then, they are alone again. Talking. You want an adult colouring book that’s a challenge? You got it!
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.44.15/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
more
I Had A Bet About What Person Was Already Sickest Of The American Election.
Iowan.
A giant poster of Republican candidate Donald Trump stands in the backyard of a supporter in West De Moines. With the Iowa primary mere moments away, this is part of a larger –
“Oh, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong,” said Florinda Balkans, the owner of the property. “I’m not a Trump supporter!”
When I asked her why she had a six foot high poster in her yard, Balkans responded, “It’s an early Halloween decoration!”
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2016-01-25-trumping-satan_x.htm]
more
You Can’t Accuse The Right Of Being Against Recycling When Their Talking Points Are Used So Often
Corporate leaders in the province have accused the Premier of pursuing policies on the development of oil resources that inhibit investment, killing jobs and economic growth. In light of recent policy announcements, they are openly questioning the Premier’s commitment to free markets.
The province? Quebec. The Premier? Philippe Couillard.
“Oh, phew – dodged a bullet, there!” Alberta Premier Rachel Notley brightly commented. “I was sure they were talking about me!”
SOURCE: Festerin’ Report
[http://www.ax2grindnet.com/festerinreport/web/feature2.html]
more
They’d Need A Marathonback Just To Reach The Neighbourhood Of Reality
The Senate has voted 50-49 for a motion proclaiming that the Earth is square. The motion, which is not binding but is meant to get “a sense of the Senate” is seen as a partial walkback from the Republican-dominated institution’s position that the Earth was flat.
“This is progress?” Democratic Senator Sheldon Whitehouse shook his head and asked. “At this rate, it’s going to take them another 500 years to admit that the Earth is round. Could they maybe speed this up with a trotback, or even a runback?”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2016Jan28.html]
more
Maybe You Should Take Off The Be’er Sheva Goggles…
Paul Bronfman has stopped supporting York University’s film programme over a mural depicting an Israeli and a Palestinian shaking hands that was installed in the school’s student centre.
“It made me sick to my stomach the first time I heard about this anti-Israel piece of art, and I’m used to my falafel being as hot as Tzippi can make it,” the film industry executive complained. “Where is the Israeli man’s halo? Where are the Palestinian’s horns? If we can’t get an honest depiction of the conflict, how are we ever going to find peace in the Middle East?”
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=197432]
more
I Want To Believe
After having fought to be paid the same amount as her The X-Files co-star David Duchovny during the television series’ original run in the 1990s, Gillian Anderson was offered half the pay Duchovny was offered for the recent series reboot. It took her far less time to achieve parity this time around.
Soon after the news broke, stickers started appearing on the car bumpers of The X-Files fans reading: “The pay equity is out there.”
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2016/2016/01/23/justonemoreduchovnytothegroin/]
more
Attacks Give A Whole New Meaning To The Term “Swanning Around”
Residents at a semi-retirement home in the UK county of Gloucestershire have resorted to water pistols and other creative, non-lethal methods to fight off aggressive swans who have been attacking their homes.
“It was horrible,” said Gloucestershire resident Jumbalaya Stumpump. “The swans, they…they travel in packs, cigarettes dangling from their beaks. They surround you and threaten to peck your toes off if you don’t give them money to buy beer down at the local pub. And, this used to be such a nice neighbourhood!”
“They do it. Right there. In the street,” Evinrude Outlier added. “You shout ‘Why don’t you get a room?’ and they hiss and flap their wings at you like you’re the one who’s out of line! Ornithologists say its just the mating season affecting them this way. Mating season my big white tuchis! You don’t see me doing it with the missus in the street. You don’t see me doing it with the missus anywhere! You don’t…you…you know, maybe doing it in the street might be just what the doctor – excuse me!”
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF2LWOLFFP7QFQA2MFSMWAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUeteRIum/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/
Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG1gimgi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
more