Thank you, Pussy N. Bootes, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, have you ever noticed that people who post comments on other people’s blogs or Web sites often start with phrases like “I’m not a racist, but…” or “I don’t hate gays, but…” or even, “I’m not an antagonistic alcoholic douchebag, but…” but they never say, “I’m not a sensitive compassionate religious believer, but…”?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
The Holes In The Statements Of Public Figures Aren’t Usually So Obvious
Canada’s Chief Statistician is fighting back against critics of the quality of the data Statistics Canada has produced since the Harper Government of Canada abolished the long form census.
“My v ew is m  e po i iv  n     an it w s, b se  on ever     ing w ‘ e le   n d  bout the  ata s b  que tly,” claimed Wayne Smith. He insisted that the census data the organization is able to collect was a “s c  s.”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20150312.eladvote0312_@/BNStory/newsOops2015/]
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Republicans Have A Good Beat And You Can Dance On The Graves Of Your Enemies To It
Forty-nine Republican Congressmen have signed on to a letter sent to the leaders of Iran warning them that any deal they make with the Obama government is likely not to last. The letter read, in part: “A little boy asked me should he put his vote on the left. No. A little boy asked me should he put his vote upon the right? No. I said it really doesn’t matter where you put your vote, cuz someone else will come along and change it.”
When Speaker of the House John Boehner was asked if quoting lyrics from old XTC songs was an acceptable form of international diplomacy, he responded, “Everything means less than zero.”
SOURCE: LotsMusic
[http://www.lotsmusic.com/news/?thedate=3/9/2015.htm#1]
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So…Is The Word “Vidiot” Latin For “I See Stupid People?”
You are probably aware that the word “video” means “I see” in Latin. But, did you know that the word “audio” is Latin for “I see strange people?”
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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Welcome To Canada
Sorry For The Inconvenience
WHAT NEW IMMIGRANTS SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR
Canada is the land of opportunity for people of all races/religions/ethnicities. It has been a practitioner of what could be thought of as “serial institutional racism.” Whether it was the Irish at the turn of the twentieth century, Asians in the 1920s or Jews in the 1940s, we discriminated against people from all backgrounds with equal passion.
Now, it is your turn. What can you expect? Your ethnic/religious/other group’s beliefs will be misrepresented and publicly mocked by people in positions of power. This will give ordinary people, including previous waves of immigrants, license to say negative things about you and otherwise discriminate against your people. We will insist that you do the most demanding, demeaning work, then blame you when we don’t allow you to rise to better jobs with higher pay. It’s a Canadian tradition!
Not to worry! Twenty or 30 years from now, your ethnic/religious/other group will be publicly courted while being privately reviled by this nation’s political parties just like all those that came before you! And, the best part? When the next wave of immigrants comes from a different part of the world, you will be able to mock them just as others mocked you!
It’s all part of the wonderful tapestry that is Canada.
Excerpt from the Canadian government pamphlet: “Oh, Great, You Made It. You Want a Medal? What to Expect From Your New Home.”
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-3794cahs01.html]
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Or Be Labelled An Anti-semite Tomorrow
Now, for a limited time only! Bibi Bumble and the Nuclear Stingers LIVE at the Joint Session of Congress Tour, 2015! You loved Bibi Bumble and the Nuclear Stingers LIVE at the Joint Session of Congress Tour, 1992, ate up Bibi Bumble and the Nuclear Stingers LIVE at the Joint Session of Congress Tour, 2002 and bought an unconscionable shitload of copies of Bibi Bumble and the Nuclear Stingers LIVE at the Joint Session of Congress Tour, 2009 – how could you possibly turn down this amazing offer! This two DVD collection features all of the band’s favourite hits, including: “Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran,” “Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran,” and, of course, the classic “Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran!” Bibi Bumble and the Nuclear Stingers LIVE at the Joint Session of Congress Tour, 2015 – fans of international mischief cannot ignore this album. Our political operators are standing by – order your copy today!
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1080922576]
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Funny How The New Mike Duffy Looks Like The Old Pamela Wallin – The Senate’s Forgotten Conservative Scandal
The RCMP has released a damning report claiming that Mike Duffy made 150 “suspicious” claims for travel and later fabricated meetings to justify them. In defending himself, Duffy – whose voice is higher than I remembered it – Duffy said – whoa! Has he let himself go? Because it sure looks like he’s grown breasts! You know, now that I look at him closely, he seems to have a lot more hair than he used to.
Umm, anyway, the new Mike Duffy denied any wrongdoing.
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2015/03/12/509727.html]
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If That Doesn’t Work, Clubs Will Be Next
As American states run out of the drug used to kill death row inmates, European producers continue to be barred from selling to them and other drug cocktails they have experimented with have horrific effects, they are reaching back to a previous method of execution. Way back. Way, way back.
They are planning on bringing back stoning.
“I know it seems low tech,” said Texas Attorney-general Gonzales McDada, “but sometimes the old ways are really the best.” He then spent the next three hours quoting every passage in the Bible that refers to stoning, complete with debates religious leaders have had over the centuries about the morality of the practice.
Attorney-general McDada assured the press that the stones that would be used were being produced with the latest technologies. Lasers were being employed to hone the front edge of the rocks to within .0001 per cent of their target sharpness, and they were treated with anti-bacterial creams to ensure that the death row inmates didn’t catch any diseases from the procedure.
“It’s the least we can,” McDada insisted. “After all, we’re not barbarians!”
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2015-03-08-strangling-cannot-be-ruled-out_x.htm]
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