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You Have Just Entered…The Twilight Arizona
This Week in Demagoguery
The Arizona election – audit seems like a grandiose word to describe what’s happening – recount doesn’t seem like an accurate description – shemazel works (it’s like “mess,” but with a unique undertone of absurdity that only the Yiddish language can convey) – the Arizona election shemazel is coming to a painful conclusion. What have they been doing in the final days of…whatever it is they’ve been doing?
“Auditors” have been biting down on each ballot to determine if it is real. Sort of like biting down on coins to determine if they are really gold, but not nearly so hard on the teeth. And, what has this accomplished?
“We…have a lot of ballots with soggy corners,” admitted a Cyber Ninja who wouldn’t give me his name because, duh, Ninja. “But after we got a hold of them and melted the chain of custody to sell its minerals on the black market, the only thing they were good for was mulching, so we’ve just accelerated the process.”
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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Let’s Put “Cancel Culture” Back In Yogurt Where It Belongs!
Conservative Party of Canada leader Erin O’Toole has complained in Parliament about a coalition of the left that wants to cancel Canada Day. It is expected that he will be running in the upcoming federal election on that issue.
It is a sad comment on Canadian culture that we have to import our wars over it from another country!
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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It’s A Call To Insurrection That You Can Tap Your Toes To
What happened in Myanmar? Did the country’s military open its bases to the public, serving them cake and green tea and inviting them to try firing some of its big guns? Or, perhaps the military announced that it was renouncing violence and would overcome the country’s enemies with love (and cake and green tea – mustn’t forget the green tea)?
No. What happened in Myanmar was a coup. Let me repeat that, since so many people in the Basket of Deplorables are hard of hearing (truths they don’t want to hear): What happened in Myanmar was a military coup. The militariest. The coupiest.
So, when former Trump national insecurity adviser Michael Flynn refers to what happened in Myanmar, what is he referring to? That’s right, kiddies: a miitary coup. And, when he says what happened there should happen here, what is he referring to? Come on, I know you know the answer. That’s right, children: a military coup.
After he made that statement at a right-wing palaver, somebody must have taken Flynn aside and reminded him that Donald Trump is no longer President and, therefore, only has the pardon power of the mind. Which is not very powerful at all, especially in Trump’s case. So, Flynn did what every good fascist does when confronted by their own words: he denied saying them.
If only there were no video proving that he actually did say what he now denies saying! But you know what they say: when the scratch mix of your own words trends on YahooTube, you better figure out a way to own them!
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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It’s Been That Kind Of Millennium…
MONDAY: It takes hard work to succeed. It can also take hard work to fail. I’m not sure what we’ve learned from this…
TUESDAY: The Big Lie that Donald Trump didn’t lose the 2020 election, that it was stolen from him, is an example of the axiom “If it ain’t fixed, break it.”
WEDNESDAY: When I first started using an electric toothbrush, when it ran out of electricity, as it sometimes did, I would stop brushing, even if I wasn’t finished, because it was finished. It took me seven years to realize that just because it stopped didn’t mean I couldn’t keep using it. You know, like a normal toothbrush?
THURSDAY: Dumbass.
FRIDAY: It probably isn’t a good idea for an ad about a drug that’s supposed to help dementia patients to start: “Forget everything you think you know about Alzheimer’s medications…”
SATURDAY: Gordon Lightfoot’s song “Black Day in July” is now preceded by a message claiming that: “The following content has been identified by the YahooTube community as inappropriate or offensive to some audiences.” When moral indignation is met with moral panic, do we end up with relativism stew?
SUNDAY: I’m taking a cat day. It’s been that kind of week…
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Don’t Like It When The Perv Is On The Other Foot (And Loving Every Second Of It), Do You?
CORRECTION
I hate having to make corrections, but our journalists insist that that’s something reputable publications do. So, here. (They didn’t say I had to be gracious about it.)
In an article in last Thursday’s edition of the Alternate Reality News Service, we reported from Earth Prime 1-6-7-1-8-2 dash Psi that Dumboprat Adam Howetuschiffdablamé was being investigated for having sex with a minor and trafficking a minor across international borders.
“Off with his head!” bellowed Reduhblican Representative Tom Colemanreeliecole.
“He should immediately be removed from all of his committee assignments, then tarred and feathered, then run out of Washburningdington on a rail!” shrieked Reduhblican Representative Patrick McEncheesehenry.
“We should allow the investigation to take its course, then string up the pervert from the nearest light pole!” shouted Reduhblican Representative David Eintsveydreischweikert. He was considered the moderate of the bunch.
It turns out – hee hee – that we were mistaken. Howetuschiffdablamé was not being investigated for any crimes. It was actually Reduhblican Senator Matt Targaetzinnocents who was being investigated for sex with a minor and child sex trafficking.
The Alternate Reality News Service went back to the congressmen who were quoted in the original article for comment on the updated story.
“I don’t have a comment to make about Targaetzinnocents one way or the other,” Representative Colemanreeliecole coolly replied.
“Sorry to disappoint you, but I haven’t really thought about it,” Representative McEncheesehenry soberly stated.
“I’d like to answer, but I really don’t want to judge the behaviour of other people,” Eintsveydreischweikert thoughtfully responded.
The Alternate Reality News Service regrets its error. We suspect the Reduhblican congressmen we quoted do as well. We know Francis Grecoromacolluden, who has temporarily entered a witness protection programme to escape my slapping wrath (good luck with that, Francis), regrets his error. Regrets it with a vengeance.
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32722641318381314627fx]
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