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Republicans are always going on about the “unintended consequences” of government (defined as “goat-sucking liberal Democratic”) actions. An unintended consequence of increasing welfare payments, for example, could be a decrease in the balance of trade with China. (Yeah, I’m still trying to work that one out, too.)
Oddly enough, you never hear about the unintended consequences of Republican policies. Do Republican Party memberships come with booster shots for immunity to unintended consequences? The following example of a republican policy would suggest otherwise:
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
Poke with a sharp stick.
Poke with a sharp stick.
Poke with a sharp stick.
Poke with a sharp stick.
Poke with a sharp stick.
Poke with a sharp stick.
Poke with a sharp stick.
“Shove it!”
“Teresa Heinz Kerry rude to reporter,” the headlines scream. “Potential first lady out of control!” Are you kidding? She could use rudeness lessons from Vice President Dick Cheney, and nobody was poking him with a sharp stick. Unfortunately.
Yes, it was a highly informative Democratic National Convention. Former first lady Hilary Clinton made a speech on the first night of the Convention, prompting Fox commentator Sean Hannity to comment, “She’s the anti-Christ! Didn’t you see the way her head turned all the way around on her shoulders!”
Right wingers really have a problem with strong women, don’t they? Outside the bedroom, anyway.
In his address to the Democratic National Convention, John Kerry stated that if he was elected President, he would go to Iraq and lead the battle to capture terrorists. President Bush responded that Kerry was soft on terrorists because he didn’t say he would personally strip them naked, make them get down on their knees with their hands on the backs of their necks and shoot them in the back of the head. While Democratic strategists tried to convince themselves that everybody was buying the tough pro-war talk from the former anti-war activist, the Republicans released documents that showed that a military fry cook in Fort Ord vaguely recalled a young George W. Bush showing up for his national guard duty. Unfortunately, Bush was never stationed at Ford Ord.
None of this matters because immediately following the convention there was a terror alert based on documents found in Pakistan that the US claims were blueprints for an Al Qaeda attack. It was not clear, however, if the information referred to an immediate attack, and, in fact, some experts believe that the primary document was actually a lost Robert Ludlum novel. “We’re a nation in danger,” President Bush warned. In danger from bad fiction, perhaps.
Some of the documents on which the terror alert, which caused heightened security to be put in place in the economic heart of New York, were based on were written in 2000. “Well, there you go,” President Bush commented. “If we ignore the pre-9/11 intelligence, we’re wrong. If we pay attention to the pre-9/11 intelligence, we’re wrong. We just can’t win.”
In other terror news, the…wait a minute. Wasn’t I reporting on something else a moment ago?
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
“He’ll be terminated.” Reference to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Terminator films. The phrase was popular when he was running for governor, but has been dropped from his lexicon since, likely because it reminds too many Californians that they are losing their jobs.
“There will be a total recall.” Reference to Schwarzenegger’s film Total Recall. Wasn’t often used by Schwarzenegger during the recall vote of California Governor Gray Davis which ultimately out the actor into power, but it turned out to be the gag that launched a thousand headlines.
“I call them girlie men.” Not a Schwarzenegger line per se, references to “girlie men” were made popular by Hans and Franz, a Saturday Night Live parody of Schwarzenegger. Used to refer to state legislators who refuse to pass the Governor’s budget, then won’t come clean about the private interests behind them. Given the millions spent on the recall vote which put Schwarzenegger into office, he may be the biggest girlie man in California, but can you imagine anybody saying that to his face?
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
On the Plus Side, Employment for Bureaucrats Is Assured
The World Trade Organization has made a major breakthrough, and now has a framework through which to continue negotiations in the fall. Before this, of course, the WTO had an agreement in principle to develop a framework through which to continue negotiations, while, before that, there was a set of guidelines to evolve an agreement in principle to develop a framework through which to continue negotiations. How far we have come! The way its going, the organization should have a treaty to eliminate farm subsidies well before the heat death of the universe.
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
Services With a (Pained) Smile
First, the Police Services Board was deadlocked on renewing Chief Julian Fantino’s contract, causing him to be let go. Now, the same deadlock, three for and three against, has failed to pass a motion to hire a consulting firm to find his successor. The next step is for the Board to not pass a motion to ask the province to replace missing members so that it can actually have a meaningful vote. Then, it could not pass a vote to reconsider its previous vote not to renew Fantino’s contract. After that, it could not pass a vote to adjourn for lunch. Then, it could not pass a motion admitting that the whole process has been a farce.
Talk about putting the fun back in dysfunctional.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
Great Moments In Women’s Emancipation
August, 2004: The Vatican issues a document, “On the Collaboration of Men and Women in the Church and in the World,” that talks about the horrors of feminism. “Not the good kind of feminism,” said Vatican enforcer Cardinal Ratzinger. “You know, the kind that supports the traditional family and Catholic values. The other kind.”
SOURCE: Womyn’s e-Vents