Thank you, Permission B. Struktur, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, Russia conducted a test to see if they could destroy a satellite with a ground-based missile. The Russian Defence Minister said the test was carried out with “surgical precision.” Yay! Of course, American drone strikes that kill civilians are also said to be carried out with surgical precision. Boo! The test successfully destroyed the aging satellite. Yay! In the process, it created 1,500 separate pieces of tiny debris. Boo! The Russian government has denied that the debris poses a threat to people on the International Space Station. Yay! But then, it was the Russian government. Boo!
Where is Adam Quark when you need him?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
I Do Not Think The Constitution Means What You Think It Means
Kyle Rittenhouse has been found not guilty of murdering Joseph Rosenbaum and Anthony Huber and wounding Gaige Grosskreutz. This verdict was so predictable, even your deaf, dumb and blind 102 year-old aunt Tommy, who hasn’t read a newspaper or watched a TV news report in over 70 years, knew it was coming. The right-wing media ecosphere had repeated Rittenhouse’s defence so often that it had burned into the screens of television sets throughout Republican households, even if they hadn’t been on since the trial had started.
This may not be the end of it, though. The federal Department of Justice is considering bringing Rittenhouse up on charges of hunting liberal protesters without a licence and out of season. Liberal protesters are considered a threatened species by the Endangered Protesters Agency, and, while the government seems incapable of stopping right wing crazies with a gun from hunting them to extinction, it can hope to use regulations to slow the process down.
Wayne Lapierre, speaking from the National Rifle Association’s recently resurrected headquarters in Salihorsk, Belarus, said that even considering such regulations would “interfere with every real American’s god-given constitutional right to hunt liberal protesters to extinction!”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2021Nov20.html]
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Set It To Images Of Pastures And Forests With Theremin Music In The Background And You’d Have A Pretty Darn Good Motivational Video
The musings of Joe Manchin, Senator:
The United States is a centre right country.
Should I have had the roast beef for lunch? Something’s rumbly in my tummy – maybe I should have gone with the salad.
Six point five trillion is way too much. I’m going to settle for…three trillion.
Am I a Democrat? Because, I gotta tell ya, sometimes I feel like a Republican.
What should I get Joe IV for his birthday? He’s too old for a model airplane, but too young for a stake in a coal company. Maybe just a nice card of a strip mine…
What was I thinking? Three trillion is way too much. I’m going to settle for…one point five trillion. Maybe.
Why does the screensaver on my office computer always show images of the garden of Gethsemane? I should call tech support to deal with it. No, I should get an intern to call tech support and deal with it.
I should definitely have had a salad. Oh, well. Where did I put the Tums?
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-3794147940736139500-03896cahs01.html]
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The First Rule Of Being Led Into Ditches Is To Stop Digging
Unless, Of Course, Your Goal All Along Was To Get To China
“The cold hard truth is Donald Trump led us into a ditch on January 6. The former president lied to us. He lied to every one of us and in doing so he cost (Republicans) the House, the Senate and the White House.”
– GOP Representative Anthony Gonzalez
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Not To Worry: Steve Bannon Will Be Judged (It Just Might Have To Wait Until He Stands Before Saint Peter)
MONDAY: It’s hard to stay mad at my father for his emotionally abusive behaviour when I was young when I now have to button up his shirt because he no longer remembers how to do it for himself. Bastard.
TUESDAY: Apparently, Steve Bannon was in court the other day for ignoring a Congressional subpoena. I blinked. I missed it. Honestly, if the government wants justice to be seen to be done, it needs to take into account the public’s short attention span!
WEDNESDAY: I didn’t think I was depressed until I looked up the word “depressed” in the dictionary: the definition was an arrow that said: “You are here.”
THURSDAY: My mother asked if I was leaving the house by the side door. When I told her I was using the front door, she told me to be sure the side door was locked. I wasn’t sure what was going on. Did she just not hear what I said? Did she hear what I said, but didn’t process it properly because of a cognitive impairment? Or, was she just messing with my head? I’m not ruling out combinations of the three, but more than one could cause my brain to explode. Bastard.
FRIDAY: Do you think that in the Middle Ages, people refused to get treated with leeches because they thought the Plague was a hoax perpetrated by the royal family to poison serfs? Of course not! Nobody died because they refused medical treatment! They died because there really wasn’t an effective medical treatment for the Plague at the time. This is progress!
SATURDAY: This is progress?
SUNDAY: I don’t know which is worse: aging like my father, aging like my mother or not having any children of my own to make crazy when I’m their age.
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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If You Think The Problem Is That Mason Wasn’t Given Enough Prison Time, You May Be Irony Deficient
Ask Your Family Semiotician
The Problem With the American Justice System In One Simple Chart
| NAME | Donald Hartle | Crystal Mason | Bruce Bartman |
| CRIME | used ballot of dead wife to vote | voted though not eligible because on supervised release | cast ballot in the name of his dead mother |
| INTENTIONAL? | yes | no | yes |
| LIED ABOUT IT? | yes | no | yes |
| TRIED FOR | conspiracy to commit voting more than once in the same election | illegal voting | unlawful voting |
| BALLOT(S) COUNTED? | yes | no | yes |
| SENTENCE | $2,000 fine and one year probation | five years in prison | five years probation |
| GENDER | male | female | male |
| COLOUR | white | black | white |
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1027&dir=bb]
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