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The Daily Me – Olly Collyer

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Thank you, Olly Collyer, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Man, this system is going to be amazing when we’ve eliminated all the bugs in the programme, isn’t it? But, don’t you worry: our lawyers have assured us that the odds that a hacker will use any of the bugs in our programme to hijack your computer and use it to distribute Russian porn are…pretty small, really…

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Remind Me: What Are The Standards Of Guilt By Association Practices?

Barack Obama made an impassioned speech last night disowning the statements of a cab driver in Yonkers who 20 years ago gave him a ride to a hotel. “Tell you the truth, I don’t even remember Robert Justin,” Obama told a large crowd in Squawdunk, Indiana. “However, I want to make it clear that his terrible remarks do not represent my positions on…well, anything, really, nor do they represent the positions of anybody on my campaign, anybody I’ve spoken to in the last five years…or anybody halfways sane. Now, if we can get back to discussing the econo –”

We’ll be replaying Robert Justin’s remarks 27 times over the next hour. Before we get to that, however: pundits – how dissatisfied were they with Obama distancing himself from Justin? “Was Obama sincere in his denunciations of this out of control cabbie?” Pastor John Hagee told CNBC’s Chris Matthews. “Who knows? I mean, I’m not a mind-reader. What I do know is: Obama needs to spend less time with his Jewish banker friends and focus on the concerns of regular – and, I mean, white – Americans!”

SOURCE: Deadline News Network

[http://www.dnn.com/2008/ALLPOLITICS/04/28/reps.main/index.html]

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What Are We Teaching The Children? – No Longer A Question, More Of An Urgent Social Issue

It’s the video game they don’t want you to play! The video game you don’t want to play! The video game you must play!

In the first installment, the Harris government stole the Greater Toronto Area’s car and proceeded to wreak havoc throughout the province with it. In the second, a kinder, gentler Martin government ignored it. In the third installment, Stephen Harper’s government beat the crap out of the Greater Toronto Area, then went on a booze and prostitutes spree. Now, the Greater Toronto Area is back for revenge and nothing can stop it!

GTA IV – the game your parent governments don’t want you to play – get it today!

SOURCE: Geekly News and World Report

[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/080401/geeklynews/01melinda.htm]

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For Trying Times, Try War Crimes


“I determine that common Article 3 of Geneva does not apply to either al Qaeda or Taliban detainees.”

– President George W. Bush in a February 7, 2002 memorandum (Common Article 3 bans “torture [and] outrages upon personal dignity, in particular humiliating and degrading treatment.”)

“We do not torture.”


– President George W. Bush in a November, 2005 press conference

“SEC. 7. REVISIONS TO DETAINEE TREATMENT ACT OF 2005 RELATING TO PROTECTION OF CERTAIN UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT PERSONNEL.”


– 2006 changes to American laws that would exempt anybody in the Bush administration from prosecution under the US War Crimes Act going back to September 11, 2001, made necessary by a Supreme Court ruling that said that Al Qaeda prisoners were covered by the Geneva Conventions


SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]

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Bill Of Wrongs

All those peaceniks and America-haters who harp incessantly on the death toll in Iraq are missing the bigger picture. Sure, more troops may have died last month than in over a year, but what you fail to realize is that in the past month 129,327 American soldiers in Iraq did not die. Furthermore, almost 29 million Iraqis have not been killed in the war, and over 26 million have not been made refugees.

Suck on those metrics, peace-lovers!

SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor

[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2652,96207,40.html]

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His Stomach’s Not The Only Thing That Could Be Padded

It should come as no surprise that former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is having trouble finding work since he left the Bush administration. Would you trust his resume?

SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman

[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/monologue]

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They Could Have Been Talking About A Different Movie…Or, A Different Comic Book Company…


“Debut of Iron Man lifts Marvel forecast”

– headline in the Toronto Star business section

“Iron Man lifts Marvel’s fortunes”


– headline in the entertainment section of the same edition of the Toronto Star


SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines

[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1378533226]

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We Khalid And Mugabe Will Follow

Asadullah Khalid was set to leave his post as governor of Kandahar Province before Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Maxime Bernier called for his ouster. Since then, nobody is sure what message Khalid’s departure would send, but they’re all agreed that it would be a bad one, so, for the time being, his job is safe.

Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe is rumoured to desperately want a meeting with Bernier.

SOURCE: The Irrational

[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2008/04/23/drivebymugabeing080423]

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Then, You Do This To Somebody Around Your Little Finger…No, Wait…

A spring riddle:

You may inherit this, but if you break it, you will be gone with it. If you are blowing in it, you could be left twisting in it, or, in the worst case, dust in it. What is it?

SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page

[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]

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I Drive To The House Of My Neighbour Across The Street To Show I Care About The Environment

Last week, my doctor warned me that if I didn’t lighten up, my heart, lungs, liver, spleen and duodenum would leave my body in protest.

But, how can I lighten up when environmentalists like Chris Goodall argue that taking the car for short distances is better than walking, because the energy that goes into producing the food we eat and burn when we walk is greater than the energy we would use to drive.

Listen up, eco-idiot asshole! We would eat that food regardless of whether we walked or not! We’re just like that. Do you seriously believe anybody says to themselves: “Gee, I have to go to the store after dinner, I better eat an extra drumstick so I’ll have the energy?” No! We eat that extra drumstick because we’re pigs! I mean, shit, by this way of thinking, the best thing we could do for the environment is starve to death!

Where’s my Tums? I NEED TUMS!

SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole

[http://www.(^!$%!$#_)!(*)!*)*)*#%!&&%(.com/index.html]

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