Thank you, Odin Oxpoker, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we cast our minds back to the days when we could toss off a non-sequitur and call it an introduction. Were we ever really that innocent?
Patronymic orange uncontrollable.
For old time’s sake.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
I Do Not Think That Book Means What You Think It Means…
And, The Lord, Our Saviour, Jesus the Christ saideth, “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me.” And, when he didst say that, he didst not mean that the little children should have their cell phone hours limited, nor that they should be senteth to bed without their Nintendo. No! When The Lord, Our Saviour, Jesus the Christ talks suffering, he meaneth it in the Biblical sense: they shouldst be separated from their parents for months, possibly years, possibly the rest of their lives, and senteth to tents on military bases where they wouldst live in cages, a trauma from which they wouldst likely never recover. Because that is how thee knowest shit is real.
SOURCE: The Bible – The Continuing Story
[http://www.thenewestnewtestament.com/the_further_teachings_of_jesus/on_children/ikea04_12a.html]
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“If That Goes Well, We’ll Teach Them To Treat Black People With The Same Respect As White People. But, Uhh, Everybody’s Gotta Start Somewhere…”
Law enforcement agencies across the country are welcoming a delay in the implementation of Canada’s new cannabis laws to allow their officers to train for the new legal environment.
“You have to understand that our officers’ first impulse is to arrest people,” explained Mooseknuckles Police Chief Andrewv Electronstopper. “There’s just something about slapping on those handcuffs – really making them good and tight – and guiding somebody into the back seat of the cruiser by putting your hand on their head – or not – it’s a rush, lemme tell you. A real rush!
“So, umm, yeah. The point is: not arresting people is a skill our officers’re going to have to be taught!”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2018/06/21/509727.html]
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Makes A Refreshing Change From The Unregistered Pimps The Republicans Usually Nominate
“Legal pimp seeks office in Nevada”
– Toronto Sun
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1776533034]
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When The Going Gets Deplorable, The Deplorables Turn Pro
Which brings up the question (because real questions never beg): if you’re paid to be deplorable, are you better or worse than somebody who comes by their deplorableness honestly, either by birth or acquired conviction? On the one hand, you probably don’t truly believe the nonsense you spout, which should elevate you above the average mindlessly nonsense-spouting deplorable. On the other hand, you probably don’t truly believe the nonsense you spout, a hypocrisy which makes you lower than whale spit.
It’s a toss-up, really.
I don’t know what kind of farm Fox spokesdeplorable Steve Doocy was raised on, but I’m pretty sure human beings weren’t kept in security pens there. Unless, of course, it was run by Ed Gein. And, I guess Doocy isn’t a wrestling fan, unless he thinks that two people going into a ring surrounded by chain link fences is called a “security pen match.” And, anyway, how does comparing an enclosure that houses people to an enclosure that houses animals make the reality better‽
To say that Steve Doocy is tone deaf is an insult to people who don’t have ears.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Cabinet Secretary Sees World Through Ross Coloured Glasses
U.S. Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross said on Thursday the United States needs to make it harder for its trading partners to have high trade barriers in order to achieve Donald Trump’s ultimate goal of lower barriers and a level playing field. Earlier this week, Forbes reported that Ross had maintained multiple investments that constituted significant conflicts of interest, including ownership stakes in several Chinese-owned enterprises, a Cyprian bank being investigated by special counsel Robert Mueller, an auto parts company affected by Trump’s changes to trade policy (which Ross, as secretary of Commerce, is overseeing), and a shipping company with substantial ties to Russian oligarchs (who are close to Russian President Vladimir Putin).
“In the particular case of China, it’s compounded by their disrespect of intellectual property, the forced technology transfers, the cybersecurity breaches.” “I don’t understand why anybody would decide to maintain this kind of relationship going into a senior government position,” Daniel Fried, who served as secretary of state under George W. Bush, told The Guardian.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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Czech Porn Site Operator WGCZ Ltd. Said It Was Only Buying The Company For The Articles
Remember when everybody thought that you couldn’t possibly lose money selling sex? Were we ever really that innocent?
Penthouse magazine was just sold for parts. Lady parts, of course.
The company, which is estimated to have liabilities between $10 and $50 million, was sold for $11.2 million.
Former publisher Bob Guccione, everybody’s favourite skeezy uncle, was stunned by the news. “How could we go bankrupt showing people naked women? Everybody loves naked women! I love naked women! You love naked women! Hell, even naked women love naked women! How could this happen?”
Have you ever met the Internet, Bob?
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB103455342791118994,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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Displaced Damned Are Okay With The Move
One Comments: “If I Knew This Would Be Part Of My Punishment, I Would Have Repented Before I Died!”
Midnight. The Hades Network. Burn in Hell with George Wallace. Presidential adviser Stephen Miller makes a special guest appearance from the land of the living to exult in the adoption of his policy to separate children of immigrants from their parents. He brings White House Chief of Staff John Kelly, a big supporter of the policy, on to help justify it. Kelly brings on Homeland Security Chief Kirstjen Nielsen to discuss its implementation. It is a short conversation. Then, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders makes a surprise appearance to talk about the role she played in obscuring the policy for Americans who do not belong President Trump’s base. Miller then invites Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to join everybody on stage, claiming that their inaction was instrumental in allowing the policy to go on for as long as it did.
At this point, there are too many guests for the couch. When McConnell and Ryan ask the members of their caucuses who supported the measure to join them, the first three rows of the audience have to be cleared to make room for them all.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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