Thank you, Natasha Habadasha, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we decided to give out a Person of the Year Award. Why should Time Magazine have all the fun? We would send out a press release and throw a little party in our head offices in New Jersey, Uzbekistan. Yeah…yeah, this could work. And, we would encourage people on the Internet to disagree with our choice – somebody, somewhere on the Internet always disagrees with your choice – and public opinion would become polarized, and the controversy would increase our readership!
The Person of the Year Award is a great scam – why didn’t we think of it years ago?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
The Suburbs Will Never Be The Same
Craigslist has quietly pulled lawnmower sales ads after months of pressure from Ottawa and the provincial government.
“The main concern we had was that children or the vulnerable would be forced to mow the lawn,” explained Ontario Attorney General Chris Bentley. He added that the request to Craigslist was simply to do in Canada what the online ad service had agreed to do in the United States at the beginning of the year.
What Bentley didn’t say, of course, was that lawn mowing is illegal in the United States, but not in Canada.
We wanted to ask somebody who had bought a lawn mower from Craigslist how they felt about the move, but, oddly enough, we couldn’t find anybody willing to talk to us about it.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/101001/geeklynews/01heckalinda.htm]
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If You Weren’t Thankful I’m Not Noah Webster Before…
To Saddamize (verb): to support a person or government until they are no longer of use to you, at which point you start treating them as an enemy. EXAMPLE: “Hajji Juma Khan is on trial in New York; the government claims that he was one of the biggest drug lords in Afghanistan. That’s harsh, man. Until he was arrested, wasn’t he paid by the CIA and the American Army for years for information on the Taliban? The dude’s been done Saddamized!” Syn.: The Mujahideen Shuffle.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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China’s Modern Police Force – Pablo Picasso Models Need Not Apply
China’s Xindu province, hoping to counter the reputation of its chengguan – enforcers of urban order – as out of control thugs, has hired 13 women. The requirements? They had to be between the ages of 18 and 22 with a good figure and “the five facial features in proper order.”
And, a good thing that the chengguan were so specific! Nobody respects an urban order officer whose nose is in the middle of her forehead, or whose eyes lie under each ear!
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2010/ALLPOLITICS/12/19/reps.main/index.html]
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Judge Not Lest Ye Be…Umm…Lest…Lest Ye…Oh, What The Hell, Judge Away!
Hudson on the Moscow
Federal Judge Henry Hudson
Put his stomping boots on
Glanced at the Constitution
And ruled health care reform down
His stake in Campaign Solutions
Which lobbied against reform with nonsensical pollution
Of the debate reeks of prostitution
It should start a revolution
But judicial abuse
Is a snooze
Recuse
Is a word judges refuse
To use
So poor Americans who cannot afford health insurance lose
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/556.html]
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It’s Always The Quiet Ones
Elizabeth Edwards has succumbed to cancer at the age of 61. There was a massive disturbance in The Force.
SOURCE: obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Freedom Of The Press Belongs To Governments That Own Them
The New York Times is wanted for questioning in relation to two alleged sexual assaults in Sweden. In England for a vacation, the newspaper of record, out on bail for its part in the publication of state secrets, is fighting Swedish extradition.
Supporters of WikiLeaks claim that the newspaper is being persecuted for making classified documents public; since the United States government cannot act upon the Times directly, it has asked for friendly governments to step in. Swedish officials insist that the inquiry is legitimate and not a vendetta against the New York Times for its part in the WikiLeaks scandal.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=N5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/
14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21214]
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Then Explain To Us How They Did It
“We encourage Canadians to manage their affairs soundly.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Town Councilor Takes Brave Stand Against Arson
Caledon town councilor Gord McClure has apologized for referring to acts of arson as “Jewish lightning.” McClure claimed his remarks were “unintentional” (his brain hadn’t meant to say it, but his mouth was feeling spontaneous and free that day) and that “My comments were not meant in a mean or racially negative way” (because intentionally burning down buildings is a nice, positive behaviour for a group to be associated with).
I had never heard the term “Jewish lightning” before, and, frankly, I’m still trying to understand it. Would a Jewish lightning bug be a person who sets fires, then kvetches about how much trouble it was, I mean, it was so cold that night, and the wind kept blowing the lighter out and I got gasoline all over my shoes, and I just bought them, and I think somebody saw me and that can’t be good because I wouldn’t last five minutes in prison – what made me think this was a good idea? – maybe if my mother hadn’t pushed me so hard to succeed…
Why single out Jews? Could white lightning be arson made at the behest of rich WASPs? Or, is it arson started with moonshine? Is the Who song “They Call Me Lightning” about an arsonist? Was the blues great Lightnin’ Hopkins an arsonist? Wouldn’t he have been too busy being blues great Lightnin’ Hopkins?
Frankly, the apology raises more questions than it answers.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/118^.htm]
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Expect A Court
Under pressure from groups concerned about Net neutrality, the Federal Communications Commission has passed rules governing traffic on the Internet. Critics of the rules claim that they
have
too
many
loopholes
that
will
disadvantage
small
users.
“Nonsense,” claimed FCC Chair Chairman Julius Genachowski. “There were no rules before the FCC…ruled. This is a set of…yes, rules, that will allow everybody to access all content on the Internet equally.”
However, the rules contain some giant
loopholes
including
an
exemp
tion
for
all
wire
less
d
e
v
i
c
e
s
.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/101001/geeklynews/01hellalinda.htm]
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Challenge