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Those Who Forge History Are Condemned To Repeat It
As the Arab Awakening has gained momentum across the Middle East, American conservatives have stopped complaining that it means Muslims are about to take over the world (well, the closer to sane ones, anyway) and started crowing that it was a vindication of President George W. Bush’s “Freedom Agenda” for the Middle East. Sure. Because all of the Presidents before him talked openly about their “Support Brutal Dictators Agenda” for the region.
The problem with this idea? History. As soon as Bush’s commitment to democratic principles was tested – with the election of Hamas in the Gaza Strip – he abandoned it with great haste. After that, you could say he had an “Understated Support for the Bastards Who Are Our Bastards Agenda.”
Ah, history. So attractive. So destructive to fictional right wing narratives!
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2011Feb25.html]
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Arcades Are So Eighties! They Should Be Called PDA Fire!
Arcade Fire manager Scott Rodger has written a rebuttal to those who whined that the group should not have won the Best Album Grammy for The Suburbs and posted it to the band’s Web site. It reads, in part: “Sure, the album may only have sold three copies. However, each of those people wept tears of joy when they heard it. Playing The Suburbs was like hearing a host of heavenly angels sing praises for existence; suddenly, a calm descended over the listener and the universe made sense. Not many people may have listened to Arcade Fire, but those who did started their own religion.
“And, isn’t that what the Best Album Grammy category should aspire to?
“Besides, David Bowie once threw up on the band’s gear backstage at a concert. What higher praise could a legendary artist give?”
SOURCE: LotsMusic
[http://www.lotsmusic.com/news/?thedate=2/22/2011#1]
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The Bag Of Crazy Makes Strange Bedfellows
INT. PSYCHIATRIST’S WAITING ROOM – DAY
Two men impatiently sit in chairs, pretending to care about magazines. Eventually, one turns to the other.
MOAMMAR: I am completely in control of my country! And, if I’m not, I will be happy to make martyrs of my people to regain control of my country. But, do I get any thanks? People say I’m crazy just because I like to wear underwear with little Tinky Winkys on it and sleep with a life-sized marble statue of Madonna. And, they think I’m insane? I could tell you stories about the Saudi royal family that would make your hair stand on end, pick up arms and march against the infidels! I would like to see somebody, anybody, try to run my country without me! It would be civil war, but without Han Solo!
The other man turns to him.
CHARLIE: Yeah? Congratulations. I am completely in control of myself! Chuck Lorre – now, there’s a piece of work. He should be called Jewie Jewerstein because, that’s his name. And, even if it isn’t his name, it should be! Lorre – he should have stuck to playing second fiddle in those 1950s horror flicks! Instead, he makes it difficult for the $5 billion franchise to do his job. Let’s see CBS try to make Two and a Half Men without me. It would be worse than Mad Love ! Oh, yeah! I went there! And, what’s this shit about AA? You know their success rate is only five per cent? Well, my success rate is 100 per cent! I’ve quit the booze and the hookers every time I tried!
Pause.
MOAMMAR: What is your name, young one?
CHARLIE: Charlie. Sheen.
MOAMMAR: I am Moammar Khadaffi.
CHARLIE: Yeah. I kinda figured who you were.
MOAMMAR: Do not mock me. I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship…
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227465]
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The Horror! The Horror!
Fridge. Friday. 9pm. Fox. Walter has a hissy fit when he finds cheese at the back of the fridge that has green mold on it that he cannot use in his experiments in marginal refrigeration science. Peter and Olivia are forced to take time off from a case involving an apparently murderous Amana to convince him that Walternate wasn’t behind the rogue cheddar.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Do These Politics Make My Ass Look Fat?
Okay, look. There’s no way around it – Michelle Obama is a blimp. Put a gondola on her and you have an inexpensive means of air travel! Seriously, she’s – what? – four – five hundred pounds easy. There’s no way around HER! Why doesn’t she look it? Let me tell you something. Makeup and camera angles, mostly. Makeup and camera angles – they can be very slimming for a woman. Especially a Democrat woman. So, for her to be lecturing children on obesity is like me lecturing children to stay away from drugs!
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_065703/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
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Q: If The Deal Is So Great, Why Hide It From Canadians?
A: If Canadians Knew How Great The Deal Was, They Would Die From Orgasms Of Joy, And That Would Put A Dent In The Country’s Productivity
“This declaration is not about sovereignty.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper on Canada’s security perimeter talks with the United States
“This border agreement does raise some very significant issues on sovereignty, on privacy, on the form of collaboration between both sides. Sharing information is very important to being able to make this agreement work.”
– former Conservative finance minister and retired diplomat Michael Wilson on the same agreement
SOURCE: Canada: Still A Country?
[http://www.irritationnation.ca/whattolookat.asp?ID=271170284-4/]
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Al The Qeada In The World Won’t Help You Now!
The best part of the Arab Awakening is watching Al Qaeda running around the margins of the popular protests, shouting: “Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me! I wanna be on your team! Can I be on your team? Oh, please, please, please, please, please! I’ll be your best fiend forever! Seriously! I’ve been playing this game for decades – I’m really good at it! Well, the blowing stuff up part, anyway. The governing part, maybe not so much. But, if you let me be on your team, I can learn! I will lea – hey! I’m over here! Are you listening? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? Darn it all.”
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1088856491575]
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