Thank you, Mr. Libby Robert, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. But, you know, it was such a gorgeous day outside that we couldn’t bear to spend it slaving away indoors, so we went to see a movie instead.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
We Review ’Em So You Don’t Have To View ‘Em
Accepted – rejected
Hate Crime – hate the movie
Trust the Man – with nothing valuable
Invincible – except Herzog’s version beats it
Snakes on a Plane – snakes in the producer’s office
SOURCE: Five Second Movie Reviews
[http://www.5secmovrev.com/NOW.htm]
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What If Your Doctor Is A Conscientious Objector?
The Canadian military may soon begin accepting recruits who bring a note from their doctor saying they’re fit for military service. Now, this just blows my mind. I mean, ever since I was little, I was told that a doctor’s note is supposed to get you out of things you don’t want to do!
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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To What Could She Possibly Be Referring, I Wonder…
A new definition of mixed feelings: celebrating your country’s Independence Day with its current occupiers.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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They’re Probably Still Laughing Hysterically, Although Their Physicians Are Likely Already Preparing A Drug Cocktail For That
It’s hard to resist the urge “to run through the streets, laughing hysterically at all the people who were so blinded by hatred of President Bush – or general anti-Americanism, or their own sheer foolishness – that they continued to prophesy doom even after the war had begun and was already being won.”
– The Weekly Standard, 2003
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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20/20 Tunnel Vision
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=463&dir=bb]
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Exploding Sheep…Where Have I Heard That Before?
The first major assault in Afghanistan involving a new Canadian battle group claimed the lives of 72 Taliban militants. This group included 14 woman, 11 children (including five infants) and 27 sheep.
“It’s the sheep you’ve most got to watch out for,” Lance Corporal Jemimah McRorty explained. “They could be hiding explosive devices under their wool.”
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088181831813&call_pageid=968335248492&col=968652972154]
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Yeah, Sure – Try To Get That One Through The FDA!
In a recent press conference, President Bush warned the Iranian government not to “thumb their noses” at the United Nations. “That’s John Bolton’s job,” the President added, “and he does it very well.”
Bush went on to say: “I would never question the patriotism of somebody who disagrees with me.” He didn’t have to add: “I’ve got dozens of colleagues and friends in the media who can do that for me;” that’s pretty much a given in Washington.
“This has nothing to do with patriotism,” Bush continued. “It has everything to do with understanding the world in which we live.” Is there a supplement one could prescribe to someone who has such an obvious irony deficiency?
In responding to critics of the Iraq war, Bush also stated, “We’re not leaving so long as I’m the president.” Said critics were disappointed to find that this was not an indication that the President planned to resign soon.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2006Aug21.html]
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If You’re Not Confused, You’re Just Not Paying Close Enough Attention
The Conservative Party’s election promise to cut down on the wait times for legislation to cut down on wait times for health care is gradually beginning to fade.
Despite accusations during the last election that the Liberal Party was moving too slowly on the issue, yesterday Health Minister Tony Clement acknowledged that the ambitious plan to make sure Canadians get necessary legislation that ensures legislation that ensures Canadians get necessary medical care is probably going to take a lot longer than the December, 2006 deadline.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20060922.eladvote0922_@/BNStory/promisespromises2006/]
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Why Does This Sound So Familiar?
Much has been made of the fact that a labour shortage may be developing in Canada. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, Canada has a number of pools of untapped labour just waiting to be exploited. They include:
- the homeless, who will be happy to paint your walls or clean your house or even work on your assembly lines for a cup of coffee and a hot meal. You can keep your costs low and you never have to worry about unions, because these workers barely understand the concept of work!
- criminals, a captive population with time on their hands. Forget trying to get grandmothers to do piecework – prisoners are a much more highly motivated labour group (incentives including avoiding beat downs and solitary confinement). Prisoners can legally be paid below minimum wage and, with fines for carefully timed riots prodded by guards, your workers could end up paying you!
- children, whose small hands can do the fussy detail work that is much more difficult for adults. Don’t want to stay in school? Great! We can put those hands to productive use at below minimum wage. And, no complaining or starting pesky unions, because corporal punishment is still legal in this country!
A labour shortage? Pshaw! In truth, there be many sources of labour that are ripe for the picking! So, let us banish this negative talk forthwith!
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49ddfcd7-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a428]
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Adventures In Oceanography
The dorsalis pugnacium is a small species of dolphin that swims the ocean in search of whales that it can goad into fights. Marine biologists believe that this is the primary reason that the species is on the verge of extinction.
SOURCE: Wiwipedia
[http://en.wiwipedia.org/wiwi/Stupid_dolphin]
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Ignorance Is Blitz
The Nazi Comparison of the Week Award goes to Conservative MP Jason Kenney, who, responding to comments made by Liberal MP Borys Wrzesnewskyj, New Democratic MP Peggy Nash and Bloc Quebecois MP Maria Mourani, compared Hezbollah to…well, you know. “We need to learn the lessons of history,” Kenney stated. Absolutely. But, does the same lesson have to be referred to in every conceivable context?
Meanwhile, the three parties were distancing themselves from the comments of their MPs, who had been to Lebanon to see first-hand the destruction Israel had recently caused. This makes perfect sense: when formulating policy on the Middle East, the last people you want to have input are people who have actually recently been there.
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pill’s
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Guess Who’s Coming To Toronto For The Film Festival
What do you care? It’s not like you’re going to be allowed to spend time with any of them.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada!
[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
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