Thank you, Mi Hwa Chon, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we read about the posters for a “White Students Union!” that appeared on campuses (campi?) around the city, and we thought, What’s the big whup? Whites have been organizing on campuses for a long time – the group we belonged to when we were at university was called beta eta pi (without the exclamation mark because we didn’t feel the need to flaunt it). Aren’t the people who put up the posters aware of their own heritage? It’s an old truth, but we guess it needs to be stated once again: those who forget history are doomed to sit on a stool in a small closet for several hours wearing nothing but a dunce cap and their social privilege.
Not that we – cough cough – know this from experience…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
If Only His Underwear Was Made Of Steel!
U.S. Steel says it is prepared to close down its Canadian operations if it isn’t given a “business preservation order” that would allow it to, among other things, run red lights, sell alcohol without a licence and slaughter small farm animals in the basement without legal repercussions. “Oh, we’re definitely shifting high-value-added steel production to our American mills,” explained company president Mike McQuade. “This is just messing with your heads. Are you having fun yet? I know I am.”
Steelworkers Local 1005 President Gary Howe argued that this was just a bargaining position ahead of next week’s mediation talks. “Of course, it’s a very effective bargaining position,” he allowed. “I’m going to have to change my underwear just thinking about it!”
SOURCE: Women’s Wear Daily Worker
[http://www.wwdw.com/content/1&ID=%25%22%2DT%2FRE%2C%20%0A&type=a&mr=392&CFID=745762&CFTOKIN=18750075]
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Gonna Have To Turn The Laugh Track Up To 11 To Get Any Pleasant Yuks Out Of This Premise
8pm. CBS. The Odd Couple, 2015. One is a meticulous planner and fitness freak. The other likes his wine and women a little too much. When Silvio finally loses his position as Premier, he moves in with Vladimir – but can their friendship (or respective nation states) survive? TONIGHT’S EPISODE: While the boys are visiting Crimea, Silvio sneaks a sip of wine from a bottle made in 1775 while Vladimir sends money and arms to Syria’s sassy strongman Bashar al-Assad. Hilarity ensues.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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I, Carly Fiorina: Sooooooooooo Not Ready For Disney
So, here’s the thing: Republican Presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina is actually talking about a video that shows a woman talking about a video that doesn’t seem to exist. And, Fiorina wants Democratic Party leaders to watch a video that doesn’t seem to exist just because there is a video that shows a woman talking about it.
Dizzy yet?
You have to feel sorry for Fiorina: as the only woman in the Republican race, she has to work twice as hard to convince primary voters that she’s half as anti-woman as any of the men. (Ten times as hard as Donald Trump.) She also seems to be a woman out of time: her gruesome apocalyptic vision would have gone over big with audiences in the fifteenth century. Just think of the possibilities: she could have gotten Joan of Arc to be her running mate!
Unfortunately for her, this is the first part of the twenty-first century. Perhaps the craziest thing about Fiorina is that she actually thinks she has a chance to win the Republican Party presidential nomination.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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In Which The Prime Minister Demonstrates His Grasp Of Nuance
The Annotated Refugee Policy Update
“Our policy has been more refugees,1 a faster process2 and more financial support for the region,3 all done with careful selection4 of the refugees. The other guys,5 in response to chasing headlines6 over the past month, would have made the kinds of decisions7 that other countries8 are now regretting.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper
NOTES
1. Why, we accepted seven in the past week alone!
2. Before our…uhh…electorally motivated change of heart, it would have taken us three months to settle those seven extra refugees!
3. Some of it not even tied to Canadian economic objectives (just don’t ask us how much)!
4. <dog whistle alert>The best way to guarantee that we do not allow Muslim terrorists to enter the country is to only accept Christian refugees. How could anybody disagree with that logic?</dog whistle alert>!
5. Daffy Duck and Darth Mulcair!
6. As if they had a plan for what to do if they caught them!
7. Is the dress white or gold?!
8. Erewhon and Helm’s Deep!
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=828&dir=bb]
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Of Course, The Same Could Be Said Of Republicans…
“I would not advocate that we put a Muslim in charge of this nation. I absolutely would not agree with that… I do not” believe that Islam is consistent with the US Constitution.
– Republican Presidential wannabe Ben Carson
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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She Gave A Thumbs Down Just Before Going Into Cardiac Arrest
If you want a wedding that few in your party will ever forget, why not consider the otherworldly area of chalky rock formations known as the White Desert of Egypt? Imagine cool breezes as people line up for a piece of cake in the main tent while ancient music plays in the background. And, rest assured that your wedding will not be strafed by a military helicopter mistaking you for a terrorist cell.
Probably.
“But, that’s the attraction, isn’t it?” explained Mafiz Moustaffa Mafiz, Egypt’s Minister for Tourism. “You could stay at home and have a boring old wedding with no surprises. Ho hum. But, if you come to Egypt, your wedding will have an added frisson of possible imminent violence that nobody in your party will ever forget! Well, none of those who survive, in any case…”
Some partygoers agreed with Mafiz’ pitch. “There was gunfire in the background of my daughter’s wedding,” said Bogodan Slavic, who asked that his nationality not be named in this article lest he be inundated with…wedding invitations from angry…relatives. “It didn’t come very close, but close enough to remind me of my younger days. Ah, the sweet, sweet violence of youth!”
Others, not so much. “Gaaaah aaaaaargh ack!” said a Mexican tourist from the bed in the hospital where she was being treated for multiple gunshot wounds. “Ack! AAAAAAACK!”
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2015Sep18.html]
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