Thank you, Little Neddie Seagoon, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Have you ever had to get the smell of burning mongoose hide out of your car?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Flipping The Government The (Migratory) Bird
A spokeswoman for the Forest Products Association of Canada says her organization is closely watching a case in which forestry giant J. D. Irving is contesting the federal government’s 92 year-old treaty with the United States that protects the habitats of migratory birds.
“I would like to make our position – which has been unfairly caricatured in the press – very clear. We don’t hate the environment,” FPAC spokeswoman Agonista Lac-Ruddy stated. “We just hate birds. They’re noisy, and they wake us up in the morning, and the poop all over our just washed cars, and we hate them, hate them, hate them!”
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like an Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
more
Digitally Unclear On The Concept
Marshall Crenslou: Nobody had really done a fighting game about the Cold War, so we figured Tank Battle Blitzkrieg: Cold War would be unique. Setting a Tank Battle Blitzkrieg game during the Cold War also allowed us to update the tanks – I think fans will love their increased destructive capability!
Gamer Bois Mag: Uhh, yeah. About that. Wouldn’t the Cold War stop being a “cold war” as soon as the first tank fired a shot?
MC: I’m sorry?
GBM: How can you have a war strategy game about a time period when the whole point was to avoid war?
MC: I…I don’t see what you’re getting at.
GBM: The whole point of the Cold War was that Russia and the United States couldn’t directly fight each other, because, if they did, the fight might escalate into a nuclear conflict that would destroy the whole world. How can you base a war game on that?
PAUSE.
MC: Tank Battle Blitzkrieg: Cold War has some innovative nuclear weapons. Wanna hear about them?
GMB: (sighs) Sure. Why don’t you tell us about the nuclear weapons?
SOURCE: Gamer Bois Mag
[http://boiswillbe.com#ipo_article=127]
more
Was Being Loved Ever A Realistic Option, Dick? Really?
“So?”
– Vice President Dick Cheney responding to polls that show about two thirds of Americans say the war in Iraq is not worth continuing
“Look, there are a lot of people out there, Martha, that don’t agree with me about a lot of things, but if I wanted to be loved, I ought to be a TV correspondent, not a politician.”
– Vice President Cheney clarifying his earlier position
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more
Corporate Or Governmental (or Does It Even Make A Difference)?
Why does the press give the rich such an easy ride? It’s not like billionaires need cheerleaders – that’s what vice presidents are for.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/77c.htm]
more
The Victim’s Name Was Chuck Regner, If Anybody Cares…
President George W. Bush was accused of killing a guy in a bar fight on Tuesday. House leader Nancy Pelosi began to express outrage at the violence, until it was pointed out to her that, in 2006, Bush had put his signature on a signing order claiming that the President of the United States was exempt from all laws governing murder, conspiracy to commit murder, assault, aggravated assault, assault with a deadly weapon and parading a mule on city streets between the hours of 9am and 5pm without a permit.
Then, Pelosi turned her attention to a floor vote on congratulating the Kansas City Cougars curling team on almost winning the highly coveted Ersatz Cup, and business in Washington went back to normal.
SOURCE: The Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32322641314641314687fx]
more
A Funding Strategy So Crazy…
Final Performance Art: The term terrorists should use to describe suicide bombings if they want to get National Endowment for the Arts grants.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
more
My Hero!
Parliament Hill Comix, featuring The Denier
Issue 247, April, 2008
“The Denier…Denied?”
The Prime Minister, in his guise as the superhero known as The Denier, faces his toughest challenge yet: foil a United Nations plot to define water as a human right, or foil a United Nations plot to create a Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous People? In a classic comic book plot development, it can be one or the other, but not both. Will the evil Social Conscience Woman finally prevail?
SOURCE: Geekly News and World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/080401/geeklynews/01chenowith.htm]
more
Absolutely Right! – Politics Should Stay In Back Rooms, Rural Fields And Brutal Prisons Where They Won’t Be Seen (And Won’t Interfere With Stereo Sales)
“We believe the Olympic Games are not the place for demonstrations, and we hope that all people attending the games recognize the importance of this.”
– Samsung Electronics, one of 12 major corporate sponsors of the Olympics
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more
Get Yer Stinkin’ Paws Offa Me, You Damn Dirty Liberals!
Charlton Heston has died at the age of 84. Are his fingers cold, cause I feel like doing some serious prying!
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
more
Where Is Carol Kane When You Need He – No, Wait – That’s Stranger
From a card handed out to Conservative MPs by the party:
When a Reporter Calls
* Ask the reporter’s name and affiliation. If the reporter is on the list of friendly journalists, tell him to attribute the party line to you. If the reporter is not on the list of friendly journalists, hide under your desk until he goes away.
* Ask what the subject of the interview is and which specific angles he will be exploring. If you are not comfortable with any of his answers to these questions, refer him to the Prime Minister’s Office and hide under your desk until you are sure that the PMO has dealt with him.
* Ask for the reporter’s deadline. If he is not on the friendly list, get his phone number and email address, negotiate some time to prepare and say you’ll get back to him. Then, hide under your desk until the deadline has passed.
* If the reporter keeps calling, have your secretary tell him that you are out of town on Constituency business.
* If the reporter questions your dedication to dealing with Constituency business, have your secretary tell him you are actually attending a funeral.
* Expect questions.
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/10809632802453747486cahs01.html]
more