Thank you, Kiki Papadopolous, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we thought, Kiki Papadapolous? Are you related to the Trump campaigner who just got a 14 day sentence for nefarious behaviour? What was his name – George…something? Or, is that, like, a stripper name? Because if Kiki Papadapolous isn’t a stripper name, it should be. Kiki Papadapolous would be a great stripper name! Yeah, yeah. Kiki Papadapolous would come on stage wearing red robes and a white headdress that looks a little like our cat muttonchops’ cone of shame. She would slowly take them off to the sounds of Gregorian chanting. That could be hot. Really hot.
Not, uhh, that we indulge in such pastimes. We’re just daydreaming for a friend…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Try Not To Think Of Pink Elephant Lawyers
0 words) Match the legal action against the Ontario government with the most apt description for it:
a) a class action lawsuit brought by recipients of the minimum income programme that the Ontario government cancelled a year before it was supposed to end
b) Tesla suing the Ontario government for depriving the company of rebates that it gives to other automakers
c) the City of Toronto suing the Ford government for cutting the number of council seats almost in half in the middle of an election
d) the Canadian Civil Liberties Association seeking an injunction against the Ontario government’s rollback of the updated sex ed curriculum to one 20 years old and out of date
ii) juvenile, with a thinly veiled undercurrent of male desperation
iii) it’s got a bad beat, but you can’t dance to it
iv) dumb, with a capital DUH
nope, I got 0) Who has the most to gain from Ontario’s actions?
a) oil companies
b) homophobes and anti-abortion activists
c) you think I’m going to give the answer “lawyers?” I’m not going to go for the low-hanging fruit by even mentioning lawye – dammit!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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As Opposed To The Economic Turmoil Your Tariff War Has Unleashed While You’ve Been President?
“If I ever get impeached, the market would crash. I think everybody would be very poor.”
– President Donald Trump uses his big, so smart, so very smart, big brain to predict the state of the economy
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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I May Have Missed A Couple Of Rs – It Can Be Hard To Keep Track
OMG! OMG! OMG! Do you know who this is? George R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. Martin! He’s the guy who wrote Song of Thrones! Yes! That George R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. Martin! He was giving a Hugo Award for best…something or other. As soon as I saw him take the stage, I wanted to ask him when the hell winter was coming, already! But, in a good way.
There is nothing wrong with my photograph, by the way. George R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. Martin has always been a little fuzzy around the edges – I hear it happens to a lot of writers whose work becomes more famous than they are. With all the money he’s making from Game of Fire and Ice, you’d think he would be able to find a cure!
SOURCE: Jennifer’s Brain Blorts
[http://weblogger.brainblorts.home.html]
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Party Of One? Bernier, Party Of One?
Since Maxime Bernier pouted that the Conservative Party of Canada wasn’t playing nice with his racist base and stormed out of Conservative Party headquarters saying that he was taking his political football away to play his own game, the response of sitting MPs has been resounding: not a single one has followed.
“Back in the 1990s, I left the Progressive Conservatives because they didn’t believe in dog whistles and red meat for the base,” wrote Conservative MP Scott Reid, one of the original supporters of the Reform Party. “To make the same claim about the modern Conservative Party is just preposterous.”
What about the poll that shows that 17 per cent of Canadians are open to supporting a right-wing party led by Bernier? “Seventeen per cent? Really?” Reid responded. “Hunh. I guess we live in preposterous times…”
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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The “Hey, I’ve Suffered, Too” Routine Has Them Rolling In The Aisles
ONE NIGHT ONLY: Luis C. K. The famed comedian comes to Toronto for his #MyMeTooTimeIsUp Tour. Because sexually exploiting somebody you have power over by masturbating in front of her is comic gold!
SOURCE: Titters Comedy Club
[http://www.titters.com/info/TittersClubs/ElginClub/elgNowAppearing.cfm]
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Oddly Enough, He’s Not Talking…About That…
Can the Ontario education system be blamed for being confused?
The government of Doug Ford has warned post-secondary schools that they will lose funding if they do not adopt free speech policies. At the same time, the government of Doug Ford has warned primary school teachers that they will be punished if they attempt to, you know, exercise their freedom of speech by teaching the sex ed curriculum established by the previous Ontario government.
There is a definite lesson here for our children: hate is supported by the government while love is not. Why that is a lesson anybody would want to teach our children is a question only one man can answer.
SOURCE: The Chronicle of Lower Education
[http://lowerchronicle.com/weekly/v63/i13/36a02601.htm]
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Two Steps Forward, One Drunken Lurch Back
NEW from Sexy Sadie’s, a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp (“We do healthy sex stuff!”): Bubbe’s Breathlyzer. Worried that, thanks to an Ontario judge, the guy at the bar is going to take you home and rape you, then get off by claiming that he was too intoxicated to know what he was doing? Just get close enough to have him breath on you, then quickly pull out Bubbe’s Breathalyzer to analyze the alcohol content of the air around you.
If the light on the box flashes green, flash yourself (in private) with confidence. If the light on the box flashes yellow, don’t go anywhere with him without your bestest friend by your side. If the light flashes red, tell him you think you’re getting your monthly friend and grab an Uber to take you home right away. Right away.
Bubbe’s Breathalyzer – because you don’t want to go through the sexual uncertainty your grandmother’s generation had to face!
SOURCE: The Wryersonian Eyewash
[http:// theeyewash.com/category/news/]
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