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Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
With Friends Like These, He Should Ask Martha Stewart For Tips On How To Use Simple, Everyday Objects To Make A Prison Cell “Homey”
In anticipation of his upcoming sentencing, Conrad Black has collected character references from many people. These are some of the ones that you may not have read:
“Oh, yeah, I remember Conrad Black. The way he swaggered into the press room at the Daily Weekly to tell us how he broke the union and three quarters of us would be fired that afternoon and we shouldn’t think about doing anything in retaliation because he had a good relationship with the police A very good relationship with the police. After I found out I wasn’t eligible for Unemployment Insurance, I started my own business as a corporate arsonist. Two hundred and thirty seven fires and not a single indictment! And, I owe all of my success to Conrad!”
– name withheld by request
“I was a lawyer whose firm wasn’t going anywhere until Conrad Black chose us to bring a defamation suit against…you know, they say you always remember your first, but, 237 suits later, I just don’t! I’d probably still be chasing ambulances if it wasn’t for Connie!”
– name withheld under threat of a defamation suit
“I never met Conrad Black personally. He bought the Weekly Daily and immediately shut it down because it competed with a newspaper in the region that he already owned. Oh, yeah, the man was a giant of Canadian journalism!”
– name withheld by request
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1084591831813&call_pageid=968335265492&col=962316972154]
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Absinth Of Malice
“Homosexual rights activists and those that defend them are just as immoral as the pedophiles, drug dealers and pimps that plague our city.” People need to “take whatever steps are necessary to reverse the wickedness” of the “homosexual machine.”
– excerpts from a letter written by former evangelical pastor Stephen Boissoin to the Red Deer Advocate
“We’re a reasonable organization. We’re not interested in causing harm.”
– Jim Blake, national chair of the Concerned Christians Canada lobby, which was named in the same Alberta Human Rights and Citizenship Commission complaint as Boissoin, who worked for and was a member of the executive of the lobby group. Blake added that Boissoin had no malicious intent.
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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There’s A Joke About Old Spice Women In There Somewhere, But I Admit I’m Not Stoned Enough To Make It…At The Moment…
MONDAY: If today is really International Toilet Day, why are we being asked not to flush?
TUESDAY: Don’t trust anybody over 30? Really? Did you know that Teen Beat is 32 years old? Or that Tiger Beat is 42 years old? Or that Seventeen magazine is – I don’t believe it myself, but – 64 years old? Would you ask your grandmother for dating tips? Would you ask your grandfather about…well, anything? I thought not.
WEDNESDAY: Speaking of which, the Spice “Girls” have announced that they are reuniting. They are all over the age of 30. How old do you have to be before you are officially a Spice Woman?
THURSDAY: How can I have the flu? My subscription to Norton Anti-virus is paid up until 2009!
FRIDAY: The Wall Street Journal sent me an unsolicited email offering a subscription at 80% off. It came just before an email called “Costa Rica Vacation Homes?” and just after an email called “No Erectile Dysfunction?.” And, I thought: why is the Wall Street Journal trying so hard to make any jokes I could tell about it redundant?
SATURDAY: So, I’m waiting in the theatre for the film I’m Not There to start (Cate Blanchett, aside from being a total babe, is an acting goddess! I want her to play me when I become rich and famous. Shit, I want her to play me even if I remain poor and unkown!), and there’s this ad, right, for Fashion Television, featuring supermodels slipping, sliding and generally falling on their asses on catwalks, and I’m thinking: “This is supposed to make me want to watch the show…how? And, whose brilliant idea was it that cheap physical humour would be attractive the show’s major demographic – 15 year old boys? That’s gotta mess up their fantasy lives!” Look, I trip and fall on my ass all the time (especially now that winter has arrived), and nobody is paying me millions of dollars or featuring me in ads before movies! Okay, it’s late and I’m rambling, but you know what I’m saying.
Life is so unfair.
SUNDAY: Is there a pool to see how long Don Imus will remain on the air this time? Should I start one?
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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The Trick Is To Be Able To Completely Empty Your Own Mind
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=533&dir=bb]
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The Limits Of Yellowy Cuteness Revealed!
Tweety Bird has been charged with contempt in an Italian court for his testimony in the trial of a Chinese man accused of counterfeiting Disney and Warner Brothers products.
A partial transcript of Tweety’s testimony gives a good sense of why:
PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Did you know the defendant?
TWEETY: I taught I taw a puddy tat.
PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Mister Tweety, did you or did you not know the defendant?
TWEETY: I…I taught I taw a puddy tat. A…you know…a puddy tat.
PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Puddy tat? Is that…some kind of code name for the defendant?
TWEETY: (belligerent) I taught I taw a puddy tat.
PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Your Honour, the witness is being uncooperative.
JUDGE: Mister Tweety, please answer the question.
TWEETY: But, I did! I did! I did taw a puddy tat!
PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: You Honour…!
JUDGE: Mister Tweety, if you do not answer the question, I will hold you in contempt of this court!
TWEETY: (sullen) But, I did! I did taw a puddy tat!
At this point, there was an uproar from the crowd and the Judge had to clear the courtroom.
The trial continues tomorrow, when the prosecution is expected to call Mickey Mouse to the stand.
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32886641314641374683fx]
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