Thank you, Jun Yun Pyrotechnic, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, to celebrate National Donair Day, we dreamed of a donair cupcake. Something like: a vanilla cupcake with donair meat baked into it, topped with donair sauce/cream cheese frosting and sun-dried tomato sprinkles. And, we thought: Really? Mmm! That sounds yummy! Who wouldn’t want to try something like that?
Then, we found out that the donair cupcake actually exists, that it was created by a bakery in Halifax. And, we thought: Really? Eww! That sounds disgusting! Who would want to try something like that?
Enjoy (If Your Taste Allows It),
The Daily Me Staff
It’s Like Scanners, But With More Election Fraud
How has the case of the payments to porn star Stormy Daniels and Karen MacDougall during the 2016 Presidential election evolved?
President Donald Trump: “I had nothing to do with it. If you want to know anything, ask Michael Cohen.”
Michael Cohen: “I’m not telling you anything. I would take a bullet for the President.”
President Trump: “Michael Cohen is a good man.”
Michael Cohen is indicted by the Mueller investigation and the Attorney General for the Southern District of New York, and is believed to be cooperating
President Trump: “Michael Cohen is a terrible man. Michael Cohen is a liar. He’s a liar. He lied to the FBI. You can’t believe anything he says about me. Lying liar.”
In a television interview, Michael Cohen says that the payments he made to keep Donald Trump’s sexual affairs out of the press during the election were done at the order of then candidate Trump.
YOU ARE HERE: President Trump: “Of course I ordered the payments. I’ve been saying that all along. But, it was a personal matter that had nothing to do with the election. And, anyway, there’s nothing illegal about it.”
The House Judiciary Committee, now run by Democrats, opens hearings on the payments.
President Trump: “Witch Hunt! Witch hunt! Witch Hunt!“
National Inquirer publisher David Pecker corroborates Cohen’s story, adding details of payments to other women that were previously not known to the public.
Using its findings from this and other hearings, the Judiciary Committee submits articles of impeachment to the full House of Representatives.
President Trump’s head explodes.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=967&dir=bb]
more
It Depends. How Badly Do You Want A Typical RomCom Happy Ending?
You Haven’t Got Mail
starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan
directed by Nora Ephron
Meg Ryan plays the owner of a small app development company who embarks on an online relationship with the CEO of a major social network (Tom Hanks). Unbeknownst to her, he heads a company that refuses to share its user information with the apps she has created, which could force her into bankruptcy. How will she react when she finds out the truth?
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0198270/]
more
Oh, You’re Plenty Sorry…Just Maybe Not In The Sense Of The Word That You’re Using
Husky Oil has apologized for the largest-ever oil spill off the coast of Newfoundland, which saw 250,000 litres of crude leak into the ocean. In a statement, the company said that it was “deeply sorry” for the spill and was committed to learning from the incident “to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.”
When asked if it was willing to pay to clean up the oil that was spilled, the statement responded, “We’re not that sorry.”
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=506]
more
Choosing The Right Restaurant To Eat It At
“What’s the secret to a perfectly roasted turkey?”
– Globe and Mail
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1376533038]
more
May Day! May Day! May Day!
Why is this woman smiling?
Earlier in the week, British Prime Minister Theresa May had to pull a vote in Parliament on the Brexit deal with Europe because it was clear that she would lose.
In response, she told the press: “I have heard the concerns of members of my party, and will be returning to Brussels to convey those concerns to the negotiators in the European Union.”
When her attempt to convince European leaders to soften their Brexit demands seemed to only harden their position, Prime Minister May didn’t bat an eyelash. “This is the clearest statement we’ve heard yet from the European Union that it’s their intention for the backstop never to be necessary,” she said.
When she was asked how a civil war between Northern Ireland, which plans on leaving the EU with Britain, and the Republic of Ireland, which plans on staying, could be avoided, May smiled Mona Lisaly and replied, “Perhaps we’ll build a wall between them…”
Grinning, US President Donald Trump responded: “Yeah! And, get Mexico to pay for it! Alternative facts can be addictive, can’t they?”
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s229/Os/04/JD040O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/04/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=20203]
more
Women Must Act To Protect Their Hard Faught Rights
Hey, Oklahoma state Representative George Faught – nice hat!
The Republican’s stand on abortion in cases of rape is that it might not be the best thing that ever happened to a woman (which leaves open the possibility that it might – perhaps in the alternate reality where Republicans like to hang out they meet a lot of female constituents who tell them that rape was the best thing that ever happened to them), but, you know, God meant it to happen, so…there.
This is the swiss cheese of anti-abortion arguments.
For instance, why is it God’s will for a woman to be raped, but not for her to get an abortion? Did God not also create the chemicals that abortion doctors use? Forceps? Stirrups? Maybe He was having a bad day when He did (“And, on the seventh day, God had a blistering headache and took an Advil and layeth in the dark for a very long time.”)
Oh, wait. It gets worse. Why should anybody be arrested for theft? I mean, isn’t it God’s will that that object be given to a different owner? Or, for that matter, murder? Or, tax evasion? (Okay, tax evasion isn’t the sexiest of crimes, but do you really believe that God doesn’t love white collar crimes as much as all of the others He created? What kind of a monster do you think he is?)
The argument is nonsense, but denizens of the Basket of Deplorables work in mysterious ways…
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
more