Thank you, July August October, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we read that, thanks to global climate change, the Danube River’s water levels had become so low that Nazi battleships that had been sunk during WWII were emerging. And we thought: Wasn’t this the plot of a 1950s EC horror comic? We would have checked if only our mother hadn’t thrown out our comics collection when we were teenagers. If only…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Now There Is A New Condition: Donald Trump Must Publicly Admit That He Didn’t Write The Art of the Deal
“We Didn’t Want To Do This, But Your President Left Us No Choice,” Khamenei Said
Iran has issued a list of demands before it will agree to a ceasefire with the United States. They include: a pledge by the US never to attack Iran again; a permanent end to American war against Iran and its allies; and the US lifting a naval blockade of Iranian ports. According to the White House, this could derail peace efforts.
“Iran can’t just add new condition to a ceasefire plan after it’s been agreed to!” American President Donald Trump phrumphed. “That’s my negotiating tactic! Who was it who wrote The Art of the Deal, here‽”
To which Iranian Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei responded, “First, we didn’t agree to anything. As far as I can tell, your President Trump was negotiating with Marvin the Martian. Second, these aren’t new demands – we’ve been asking for them all along. Maybe your media should spend more time talking to us and less time staring lovingly at themselves in a mirror. And finally, Donald Trump didn’t write The Art of the Deal! What does he takes us for? Idiots? We know he didn’t write that book – we’re not Americans!“
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.news.semaphore.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DuereDE/wXeR.WzvwF?7wF~/DuereDE/s119/Os/14/JD121O.7wF!2qZiiv~/
DUeReDR/s117/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=62426]
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When A Populist Government Leans Into Its Elitism
If Ontario Premier Doug Ford gets his way and privatizes water delivery in the province:
Just in time for Christmas!
Announcing the new Chateau Havafitte ’27, a triple-filtered water with a full body and no woody aftertaste. Or, for that matter, no oily, smokey or dead raccoony aftertaste. Perfect for intimate dinners in your mansion or pouring over the heads of athletes after they have won an international sports tournament!
This water is a steal at only $1,237 a bottle! Quantities are limited, so be sure to get one of your servants to order yours right away from the WCBO!
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=561]
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Okay, So The Two Parties Are Different In At Least ONE Respect
DEMOCRATS ABOUT REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES: He voted with Trump 99 per cent of the time! He voted for billions of dollars of tax cuts for the rich while cutting Food Stamps! He voted for a Health and Human Services Secretary who believes in quack cures who is making Americans sicker! He supports the war in Iran! He hasn’t had a town hall meeting in eight years because he’s afraid to face his own voters!
REPUBLICAN RESPONSE: Cry more.
REPUBLICANS ABOUT DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES: He’s a Communist! If he’s elected, he’ll come for your guns! He will impose Sharia law! He wants six year-olds to get sex change operations at school without their parents consent, just so they can have abortions a year later! He hates America and all it stands for!
DEMOCRATIC RESPONSE: Please stop or you’ll make us cry.
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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God Responds: “Do You Mind If I Sit This One Out? No, Really, I’d Rather Not Get Involved…”
Specifically, under Military Personnel Instructions 03/26 – Spiritual reflections in military settings issued late last month – these men and women of the cloth or the turban, etc., must henceforth refrain from invoking God during military ceremonies and “unvoluntary assemblies,” meaning an event where attendance has been ordered by a commanding officer, scrubbing all faith-specific language and rituals, to be replaced by omnifarious “spiritual” drivel. Bolstered by the Carney government’s massive boost to defence spending, and against the backdrop of a world that analysts see as riven with danger, great-power competition and the morphing of the United States under its mercurial president, the Canadian military is steadily marching in this direction.
“As we’ve recognized diversity, we have a cadre of people who pray and we have a cadre of people who don’t pray and who express spirituality in many different forms,” the colonel said. In a report published last year, the Canadian Army concluded that it “must be prepared to conduct Major Combat Operations” as a “core component of its strategic posture.”
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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Some People Are All Kipah, No Cattle
Are you the sort of person who dismisses accusations of Israeli war crimes and genocide on the grounds of…antisemitic bastard? Have you ever heard Israelis – especially their politicians – talk?
Take Itamar Ben-Gvir. Nothing says, “I’m not for war crimes” more than talking about going berserk and obliterating people. The only way his confession could have been any more blatant would have been if he stood underneath a 1,000 foot tall blinking neon sign that read: “I heart war crimes and genocide.”
And even then, apologists for Zionist atrocities would say that the sign was taken out of context, or what about the neon signs above the heads of Muslim leaderss, or Israel has the right to defend itself with monstrous 1,000 foot tall rhetoric. Or that anybody who points out the sign above Ben-Gvir’s head is antisemitic, because some things never get old.
Oh, and if you’re the sort of person who hears somebody say anything like this and nods in agreement the whole time, could you please hit yourself in the head repeatedly with a blunt object until you forget how you found my web site? I think we’d both be happier that you did.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Diamonds Debt Are Is Forever – The Slogan Just Rolls Off The Tongue!
Synthetic diamonds, which take less than two weeks to create and boast the same brilliance and clarity as their natural counterparts, are flooding the market, cutting into the rocks’ (admittedly artificially manufactured) scarcity, making diamonds far less valuable. Now what will people give each other on their wedding day to show how much they care?
Al Cook, CEO of De Boors, said, “We’re looking at platinum rings engraved with the amount of debt the couple will go into having to pay for the wedding, including the rings. Because nothing says our love will last forever like pledging to take on crushing debt for one another!”
SOURCE: Ferbs
[http://www.ferbs.com/sites/kurtpoorenhausen/2026/08/09/love-the-new-standard/]
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