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Trinity Westren – Where You Learn Your First Lesson About The Law Before You Ever Set Foot On Campus
Trinity Westren University is rallying support for a covenant students must sign if they want to study at the institution’s school of law, a covenant that forbids them from using their left hands while taking courses at the school. Various groups have described the covenant as discriminatory, handedist and very, very tacky.
“We are just living our beliefs,” University President Bowie Kuhniform said in a YouTube video. He pointed to the passage in the Bible, highlighted on the screen in glowing letters of fire, that read: “Those who eat, write, point, draw, pick their noses, slap themselves in the forehead, poke other people in the chest, turn the pages of books, take peanut butter out of the jar, tickle gorillas under the chin, scratch their own bums with or otherwise employ their left hands are an abomination unto the Lord, and be deserving of all of the persecution that befalleth them to the end of time regardless of any advances in human knowledge which may indicateth that we were a bit rash in our judgment. Amen.”
With a boyish grin, Kuhniform said: “It’s right there. In the book. In black and white. Obviously, my hands are tied on this matter.”
Kuhniform denied that the clause in the covenant against people whose left hand is dominant was discriminatory. “I would like to make it clear that our religion does not promote hatred against lefties,” he stated in the video, “although I do personally hate them and their evil lifestyles and all they stand for with a passion undying.”
In the video, Kuhniform warned that Trinity Westren’s adversaries were well funded and organized, and that supporters of a good Christian education should not be complacent. “We only have the support of one of the largest, wealthiest and most well-respected institutions in the history of the universe, one with the moral weight of two millennia behind it. Oh, and god. Mustn’t forget his love and political cover. We’re clearly the underdogs here!”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20140208.eladvote0102_@/BNStory/newsOops2014/]
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Am I The Only One Seeing The Entrepreneurial Potential Here?
Fields that in any other year would be filled with broccoli, melons and onions are instead dusty patches of dirt. A winter storm that brought ice and snow to the US East Coast moved offshore Friday, leaving at least 25 people dead, and hundreds of thousands without power. Farmers are calculating losses that add up with each arid day.
Across the US, this is shaping up as one of the snowiest winters on record. “People would like to think a few storms will solve our problems, but that’s not even going to get us close,” [farmer Bill Chandler] said.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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Something That Black May Also Have Had Some Experience With
According to Conrad Black, he wasn’t stripped of his Order of Canada, he resigned voluntarily. Sure, he did. Just like the criminal who “voluntarily” handed himself over to the police after they had knocked on his door intending to come in and arrest him.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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Okely Nokely
A recently leaked document revealed that the Conservative Party of Canada plans to soften the Prime Minister’s image in the run-up to the next federal election by having him appear in public drawn like a Simpsons character.
“Everybody loves The Simpsons,” explained Guy Giorno, a former Harper Chief of Staff who is now being paid to act as the Party’s legal adviser. “Especially that Ned Flanders, boy. I tell you, there isn’t a better representation of faith on television today!”
The document also advised that the party play up the popularity of Harper’s wife, Laureen. Wouldn’t it be weird, though, to have a cartoon Prime Minister appear in public with a fully human wife?
“Not at all,” the document responded. “It will just show how inclusive the modern Conservative Party is!”
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2014/02/11/nedcred140211]
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And, He Was Torn About That One, Too
Mayor Rob Ford, dropping the pretence of needing family time, has admitted that he doesn’t go to the annual gay pride parade because that’s just the way he is. Apparently, the only queen Ford has any interest in is the Steak Queen restaurant in Etobicoke.
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/politics/city/drive-a-steak-into-his-heart-hes-done/]
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Lean In – It’s Easier To Slap You Down That Way
According to radio personality and undeclared Toronto Mayoral candidate John Tory, women aren’t paid as much as men for work of similar value because they don’t ask for raises as aggressively as men do. That may be the case in the imaginary world of work in which radio personality cum undeclared Mayoral candidates live, but I imagine such an encounter going very differently:
FEMALE EMPLOYEE: I want a raise.
BOSS: Okay.
FEMALE EMPLOYEE: Okay? You’ll give me the raise?
BOSS: Okay, I’m acknowledging that you have asked for the raise.
FEMALE EMPLOYEE: But, will you give me a raise?
BOSS: No.
FEMALE EMPLOYEE: But, I asked!
BOSS: And, very forcefully, too, I must say. Well done! Good asking.
FEMALE EMPLOYEE: But, I’m earning less than Penitentia DeVille, and he doesn’t do half the work that I do!
BOSS: That may be so. Still, I’m not giving you a raise.
FEMALE EMPLOYEE: Why not?
BOSS: Because, when you say, “I want a raise,” you probably think you know what it means. But, when I hear you say, “I want a raise,” what I really hear is, “I have no idea how precarious my job is in this buyer’s labour market, and if I don’t start getting it soon I should probably be fired and replaced by somebody with a better understanding of their place in the world.” You see my point?
FEMALE EMPLOYEE: Urk!
Not exactly as advertised, is it?
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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