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The Daily Me Staff
It’s The Government’s Job To Win Elections
If It Can Do This By Disenfranchising Voters, Look For A Line Item In Next Year’s Budget For Crocodile Chow
Advocacy groups have gone to court to immediately stop the part of the Fair Elections Act that mandates that moats filled with crocodiles be set up around polling stations on election day. The federal government defended the requirement, saying that while it may have become harder to cast a ballot, there is no evidence that any Canadian has ever died trying.
“It may be more convenient for many electors not to have to swim through crocodile infested waters to get to polling stations,” argued crown lawyer Christine Mohr, “but it’s not the government’s job to ensure that people can vote without the potential for lost limbs. Wimps.”
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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Oh, Snap!
Channing Tatum has said that if he and his wife Jenna Dewan were ever going to have a threesome with an alien, it would be ET, the Extraterrestrial. The subject came up when he was being interviewed on The Howard Stern Show.
“Of course, when things were…rough in the relationship, I might have answered that differently – with the original Terminator, or perhaps the creature from Alien,” Tatum chuckled before he sweet mother of god, why am I writing this crap? Does anybody actually give a shit about an imaginary three-way with a flavour-of-the-week actor and – oh, my, god, I spent four years in journalism school for THIS? Somebody shoot me. Shoot me now!
SOURCE: The Inquiring National Star
[http://www.inquiringnationalstar.com/gossip/64387]
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When You Have A Military, Everything Looks Like A War
The Harper Government of Canada is sending 1,000 military personnel to Saskatchewan to fight wildfires, which are burning over 10 times the amount of land they would in an ordinary summer. The troops will advise firefighters on what to do and, if that doesn’t work, will call airstrikes to contain the wildfires and degrade their ability to spread to neighbouring provinces.
“This could be of great help to us,” local firefighter Spiros Magelescu unenthusiastically commented. “As long as the soldiers stay out of the way of those of us who are actually, you know, fighting the fires…”
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2015/07/02/509727.html]
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California, Where He Has Been Buried For Almost Two Decades?
Jacques Cousteau’s famed vessel Calypso has been reduced to a rotting skeleton since it was taken to France to be repaired in 2007, where it instead became the centre of a legal dispute. And, I thought, Where is John Denver when you need him?!
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=317]
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Oh, Right – YOU Want To Be The One To Tell Them Their Economy Needs A Structural Adjustment?
Greece has voted a resounding no to an economic bailout that would have guaranteed another five years at least of crippling austerity. The International Monetary Fund threw up its hands and shouted, “What’s wrong with you peo
What’s wrong with those people? Those people? What’s wrong with you people? Were you aware that the value of the Chinese stock market has dropped by a third in less than three weeks? Hell-o? No biggie, right? It’s just the stock market for the second largest economy in the world!
Finished?
Uhh…yeah.
Because, if it’s okay with you, we’d like to talk about what we think is really important…
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB129413441491073404,99.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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Bush League Beliefs
It should be obvious that anti-gay Christian activist Janet Porter is delusional, but a lot of people might accept her statement at face value. So, for those people, let me just say: Jane Porter is delusional. All of her prayers would have been for nought if a Supreme Court stacked with Republican appointees hadn’t twisted the law into a seventeen dimensional pretzel to stop the Florida recount.
It’s not like Porter is relying exclusively on god. If Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine can be convinced to bring the case back to the Supreme Court and if it can be convinced to reconsider the case (on this, I would have said she didn’t have a prayer, but under the circumstances…) Porter would insist that Justices Elena Kagan and Ruth Bader Ginsburg recuse themselves because they have presided at gay marriages. If they didn’t go willingly, Porter could always ask her best bud god to rain a plague on them – nothing too nasty, mind you, just boils or locusts or something that would keep them off the bench until a new decision on gay marriage had been made.
You have to wonder, though, if Porter really had that much pull with her god, do you think he would have let Betty-Lou Rackheimer win the pie baking contest instead of her? Betty-Lou’s not a bad cook, she just doesn’t know when to throttle back the lard. And, honestly, if Porter and god were BFFs, would he have allowed this image of her emerging from the Bag of Crazy to circulate over the Internet? I mean, that hair!
As it happens, god and I hang out at the same gym, and, when I told him about Porter, he just shook his head sadly and responded, “You know, if I did everything people asked of me, everybody in the world would be dead at least six times over. I love you guys, but you really need to get a handle on this whole ‘Free Will’ thing. Really, really, really, really, really – that’s five reallys, so you know how seriously I take this matter. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment to meet a ‘friend’ in Aruba, and he doesn’t like to be kept waiting…”
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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A Little Scraping Of The Barrel Bottom May Have Occurred To Come Up With This Bit Of Click Bait…
15 Celebrities You Didn’t Know Were Gay…Because They’re Not
1. John Travolta (no, really, people – get over it and move on)
2. Katharine Hepburn
3. Kim Kardashian
4. Stephen Hawking
5. John Wayne
6. Marie Curie
7. Melissa McCarthy
8. Tom Cruise (sorry, but wishful thinking may be involved here – truckloads and truckloads of wishful thinking)
9. Power Puff girl Blossom
10. Peter Dinklage
11. Gandhi
12. Richard Burton
13. Hilary Clinton
14. Casanova
15. Paul Feig (his name isn’t even pronounced like that – this one was really reaching, people)
SOURCE: The Web Page of Lists
[http://www.ListsPage.argh/2015/July/Gay_Not_So_Much.asp]
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