Thank you, Ingibjörg Sólrún Gísladóttir, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. You’re from Iceland, right? Close enough. How does it feel to be a terrorist? That’s right. You heard me. A terrorist. Britain has frozen the assets of its citizens in Icelandic banks which are collapsing all over the place. Under what authority? Anti-terrorism laws. Yeah. Exactly. We never trusted you Icelanders, always sneaking around with your reindeer and…and other suspicious things – and, now, we have proof!
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The Daily Me Staff
Uhh, you wouldn’t be able to lend me any money – just until payday, you understand – would you?
When He Tries To Talk Like An Economist, He Alienates Regular People…
“I think there are probably some great buying opportunities out there.”
– Stephen Harper
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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…And, When He Tries To Talk To Regular People, He Alienates Economists
“I use my mother as an obvious example because, you know, she’s the person closest to me who’s most worried about the stock market these days. And, believe me, I get quicker updates from her on the stock market than I do from the Department of Finance.”
– Stephen Harper
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Man Plans, History Laughs
History dropped by the other day. It looked harried, which was understandable, what with it being interviewed all the time by researchers looking to make a point. So, after History settled into a comfortable chair with a bottle of beer, I got straight to the point.
“President Bush says that, even though things look bad now, you’re going to exonerate him with your verdict on his administration,” I preambled my question. “What do you think of his presidency?”
History coughed up some Heineken. “Are you [EXPLETIVE DELETED] kidding me? Bush had four major [EXPLETIVE DELETED] crises to deal with in his time in office, and he managed to make each one [EXPLETIVE DELETED] worse! Worst [EXPLETIVE DELETED] leader this country has ever seen!”
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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And, Believe It Or Not, That’s Just Two Days Worth!
Relax – It’s All In Your Headline
Washington fails, like Wall Street [A]
Every sector feels pain [B]
Canada’s economy sound, Harper says [A]
“We’re getting hurt but it’s not the end of the world” [B]
TOUGH TIMES AHEAD [C]
Nothing to fear but fear itself [C]
Failure and frenzy [B]
Canadians brace for “bloodbath” as credit tightens, money dries up [A]
Markets worst adviser has seen [B]
Economy running on fumes [A]
Proponents see calming jitters as way to avoid recession [C]
Has the fear index peaked yet? [C]
No getting ahead of this curve now [A]
Down so long it looks like up [B]
Your best bet is to ride it out [A]
As economy tanks, luxury goods soar [B]
A) Globe and Mail headline
B) Toronto Star headline
C) National Post headline
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/245.html]
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But, Are We Ready For Her?
A commission in Alaska investigating the firing of Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monaghan has found that Governor Sarah Palin abused her powers of office by using them to pursue a personal vendetta.
Hmm…maybe she IS ready to be Vice President.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/editorial/2008-10-11-the-palin-comparison_x.htm]
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Why So Tense, Stephane?
CTV: Mr. Dion, the economy is now the most important issue on the campaign. If you were prime minister now, what would you have done or start doing or possibly be doing about the economic crisis that is different from what Stephen Harper did, has done, could possibly have done or could be doing at the moment?
DION: I…obviously…what?
CTV: It was a straightforward enough question.
DION: I wouldn’t have said that the economy was fine when it was clearly in danger.
CTV: Now?
DION: What about now?
CTV: Is that what you would do now, have done in the past or could possibly be thinking of doing in the near future?
DION: I…I’m sorry, what are you asking?
CTV: (under breath) Moron.
SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/gotcha.shtml]
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Putting The Con Back In Conservative
Conservative leader Stephen Harper is a right-wing ideologue, badly out of sync with mainstream Canadian values and sentiments. This has led him to take bad positions on the environment and the economy, where he has essentially said everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t, and foreign policy, where he has squandered Canada’s reputation in the world as an honest broker with a slavish devotion to American aggression. He is also possessed by a mean-spirited and controlling nature, as evidenced by the way he quickly set up a press conference just so he could mock Stephane Dion’s difficulty answering a CTV reporter’s question. You could say his emotional intelligence isn’t up to his mental level.
Now, here’s why we believe that he deserves a majority government…
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20081011.eladvote1011_@/BNStory/editorialConservativeContradiction/]
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If It’s Any Consolation, You Sound Like An 8 Year-old Now
Responding to charges that he was deeply involved in a lobbyist scandal known as the Keating Five, Republican presidential candidate John McCain said, “I shouldn’t be held responsible for that because I was only 8 years old at the time.”
When it was pointed out that McCain was not 8 years old when the Keating Five scandal happened, McCain pouted, “Oh, come on. You let the other one get away with that excuse – this is obviously another case of liberal media bias!”
SOURCE: CBBS News
[http://www.cbbsnews.com/stories/2008/10/05/election/main543614.shtml]
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So, This Is What American Politics Has Come To
Kenneth Swanborn, 49. “In lieu of flowers, vote Democratic.”
Maxy Kennedy, 76. “Don’t listen to that Swanborn – vote Republican!”
Martha Tonawanda, 22. “Maxy Kennedy is a douchebag. Vote Democratic.”
Alicia Plotnik, 56. “What’s wrong with flowers? I like flowers. Can I have Kenneth Swanborn’s flowers?”
Alameida Wilson, 98. “Democrats got us into this mess, only a Republican can get us out of it!”
Heather Gildener-Neuman, 43. “What – you’re blaming Democrats for death, now? If I was still alive, I’d vote Democrat just to spite you, you mean old man!”
Maurice Ricardo, 68. “Do you people mind? I’m trying to rest in peace, here!”
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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The NRA Couldn’t Be Prouder
It is sad to think that Barack Obama could need 60 million voters to win the White House, but that all John McCain would need to get there is one right wing nutbar with a gun.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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