Thank you, Hymen Kolonik, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. So, yeah, David Letterman was being blackmailed by a producer of a TV news show called 48 Hours Mystery. Apparently – get this – he had had sex with an employee of his company. Imagine! A boss! Having sex with an employee! It’s not like that ever happens! If this is the kind of deep thinking that goes on behind the scenes at CBS news, no wonder political junkies are turning to the Internet!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Anything Of Any Importance Can Be Illustrated By A Venn Diagram
Hard as it may be to believe, CNN news anchor Lou Dobbs, anti-immigrant ranter and nascent birther, was once a trusted voice in television journalism. What happened?
In 1996, Lou Dobbs looks like he has a reasonably good grasp on reality.
By 2004, Lou Dobbs and reality have started moving apart.
It is now 2009, and it is clear that Lou Dobbs and reality have almost completely parted company.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=648&dir=bb]
more
Why Dumbasses? Why Not Dumbelbows or Dumbeyebrows
Some of our associates have become excited by the possibility of taking video of tornados on Mercury. Really! Where do you people get your ideas! First of all, the Cameras for Dumbasses Foundation does not have the funds to send anybody to Mercury! Secondly, there is no known way that human life could survive on Mercury even if there was a way for us to get you there, and, as I never tire of saying, it is not the intention of the Foundation to facilitate the deaths of its associates!
Besides, they’re magnetic tornados. Completely different. They’d probably completely screw up the camera before you got even a second of footage.
SOURCE: Cameras for Dumbasses
[http://www.c4d.org/announcements/091527]
It Really Puts The Health Care Debate In Perspective
Well, ladies and gentlemen, it happened. I said I wanted Obama to fail, and he did. Big time. On the international stage. Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy, did he fail. He spends a whole six hours in Copenhagen trying to get the 2016 Olympics for Chicago, and it goes to Rio instead. Rio, folks! Crime-ridden, diseased Rio! It would have been sweeter if Obama had lost to Kerblazistan, but Rio is a pretty good slap in the face, too. Look, I’m not merely happy that Obama failed. I’m FREAKIN’ ECSTATIC! Now…let me make clear, though, let me make absolutely clear that I’m not saying that because the jocks used to beat me up in grade seven. Well, not only because of that. Chicago won’t get the jobs that the Olympics would bring, of course. And, the United States won’t get the prestige. But, the important…the most important…the utmost important thing is that Obama fails, and when Obama fails, the country wins!
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_100209/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
Not You
“I don’t know what a progressive candidate means in his lexicon.”
– Conservative John Tory on Toronto Mayor David’s wish that a progressive replace him when he retires in 2010
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
You Have A Sick Imagination
Tell Us More
DEV SEZ: The Forbes list of the wealthiest people in the world was called a “billionaire bloodbath” by a senior editor of the magazine. At first, I thought, alright! The obscenely wealthy are finally getting what they so richly deserve. Imagine my disappointment when I found out that all they lost was money.
SOURCE: Devin’s Heaven Blog
[http:heaven.devsez.blogspeck.com]
Fortunately, There Aren’t Many Reasonable Republican Left, So We Don’t Have To Agree To Disagree
A representative of Republican, err, Representative Trent Franks has stated that when he referred to President Barack Obama as “an enemy of humanity,” he wasn’t speaking of the entire human race.
“He meant Republicans,” the spokesman said. “We like to think of ourselves as humanity, but I guess reasonable people can disagree on that point.”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2009Oct01.html]
They’ll Have Him Forcibly Removed At Dawn And Voila!
The best way to kill a vampire? Make him eat garlic. When he tries to get medical attention, his insurance company will tell him his allergy to garlic was a pre-existing condition and refuse to pay for his treatment!
SOURCE: The Medical Industrial Complex
[http://www.medical-industrial-complex.org/journals/micx/vampire_ killing/secure/2_pds.htm]
He Could Have Died Of Beriberi…Or…Or Alzheimer’s…
Those who want President Obama to stop Attorney General Eric Holder investigating CIA torture point out that 24 cases had already been investigated by the George W. Bush Justice Department, and that 22 of them had been dismissed.
“Just because a guy appeared to have frozen to death just because he was left naked on the cement floor of a very cold cell for several days does not mean that he actually did,” government official Anne Onee-Maus claimed. “He could have choked to death on a piece of bagel he had been eating three days before he was arrested. He could have slit his wrists, bled to death and sowed up the wounds to make it look like nothing had happened. He could have been mauled to death by a tiger.
“I’m just saying that you can’t assume anything.”
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1104741007233460.xml]
Is It Too Late To Fire The Coach?
The Toronto Maple Leafs have played their first NHL game of the season, and already the team is 12 games out of first place.
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#56238132265]
Are You Sick Of The Health Care Debate Yet?
CHRIS MATTHEWS: I have with me Congressman Alan Grayson from Florida. On the floor of the House of Representatives, he said that the Republican plan for health care is don’t get sick, but, if you do, die quickly. Congressman, have you gotten a lot of flak from the Republicans for this?
CONGRESSMAN ALAN GRAYSON: Oh, sure.
MATTHEWS: And, did they make you cry?
GRAYSON: I – what?
MATTHEWS: Did Republican criticism of your speech make you blubber?
GRAYSON: I don’t think –
MATTHEWS: You know – like a baby?
GRAYSON: What the hell –
MATTHEWS: Would you please answer the question?
GRAYSON: I –
MATTHEWS: Congressman, did the Republicans make you cry?
GRAYSON: No! No, they didn’t! What the hell kind of a question is that?
MATTHEWS: I’m just asking the questions the American people want answers to, sir. As a journalist, that’s my job.
SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/rummysnodummy.shtml]