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The Daily Me Staff
Raiders Of The Lost Art
EXT. LANDFILL – DAY
INDIANA JONES and MARION RAVENWOOD are tied to a stake in the middle of a landfill. German soldiers are digging into the garbage.
INDIANA JONES: Close your eyes!
MARION RAVENWOOD: What?
INDY: Whatever you do, don’t look into the hole in the garbage!
MARION: Why not?
The German soldiers around them start to scream in agony, clutching their eyes.
MARION: For god’s sake, Indy, what’s going on?
INDY: They’re looking at something no human being was ever meant to see.
MARION: What’s that?
INDY: Cartridges of Atari’s E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial video game!
Marion groans.
SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/garbagegame.shtml]
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If I Had Been That Committed To My First Wife…We Probably Never Would Have Gotten Married In The First Place…
Top seven reasons only 20 medical marijuana production facilities have been approved by Health Canada.
1. It’s hard to dot your ts when you’ve crossed your eyes.
2. Hey! The government has only processed two dozen or so applications – that’s a pretty good approval rate! (Just don’t ask about the hundreds of applications that haven’t been processed, yet – if we don’t do it right, some kid in Moosejaw will spend the night giggling at Adam Sandler movies, and how could we live with ourselves knowing that we could have prevented that but didn’t?)
3. the courts made them do it
4. it would have been fewer, but somebody in the ministry actually thought the government was serious about doing it…what? What did I say? WHAT?
5. We wouldn’t want to encourage Mark Klokeid to open a pot pizzeria in Toront – d’oh!
6. Minister Rona Ambrose has been busy advocating on health issues (mostly related to Senate reform and fundraising – hey! Political parties need to stay healthy, too, you know…)
7. We wouldn’t want glaucoma sufferers to get addicted.
SOURCE: The Web Page of Lists
[http://www.ListsPage.argh/2014/April/All_The_Good_High_Jokes_Have_Been_Made.asp]
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Imagine The Bunga Bunga Parties!
Oooh – No! Don’t! Just – Don’t!
Former Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi was sentenced to spend four hours a week helping the elderly after being convicted on charges of tax fraud. The 77 year-old will be feeding, washing and otherwise looking after the needs of 60 to 70 year-olds.
“Lola Menescu,” Berlusconi said with a wink, “you know who she is – you’ve seen her on the cover of many magazines across Europe – my girlfriend Lola says that this is a just and fair sentence. She’s not going to come with me to help with the old people – I mean, old people, ugh! Am I right? Still, knowing that she’ll be waiting for me by the pool makes doing community service so much easier!”
SOURCE: La Scrittoria del Roma – Edizione Inglese
[http://www.opinion.scrittoria.co.it/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR
/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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To Be Fair, Their Morale Is Already Lower Than A Stetson On A Snake
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police have created a new code of conduct that will not involve sanctions, punishments or penalties; officers found guilty of infractions will face “conduct measures.” What are conduct measures, you ask? Well, they’re like sanctions, punishments and penalties, but without the stink of social shaming. Sort of like how you would treat pets, or small children.
Not everybody on the force is happy with the new regime. “Yeah, yeah, what a waste of time!” complained Superintendent Maximilian “Mike” McMillan. “It’s just a new set of rules that we’ll have to learn to ignore! And, just when we were getting good at ignoring the old rules!”
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2014/04/23/lookwhorcmpdonyourlegthistime140423]
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And, Just Like That, So Many Things Start To Make Sense!
Illinois House Republican Leader Jim Durkin is opposed to the creation of a Barack Obama Presidential library because, he says, the state cannot afford its $100 million price tag.
“Just to be clear, I have nothing against the President,” Durkin said. “I’m actually opposed to reading.”
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2014-04-25-jerkin_durkin_aroundx.htm]
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You Clearly Have A Troubled Soul, My Child…
Papal aide Joaquin Navarro-Valls defended newly canonized Pope John Paul II against accusations that he didn’t act quickly enough to deal with pedophile priests, saying that the Pope found it difficult to accept because of his “purity of thought.”
When asked why his purity of thought didn’t keep John Paul from pronouncing on gay marriage, abortion or divorce, Navarro-Valls’ eyes narrowed and said, “Been to confession lately?”
SOURCE: SOURCE: La Scrittoria del Roma – Edizione Inglese
[http://www.opinion.scrittoria.co.it/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/
s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21216]
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We’re Not Saying The System Has Been Abused, But Some Interns Are Old Enough To Be Cared For By Silvio Berlusconi!
In the face of a public outcry against the use of unpaid interns which is driving the Ministry of Labour to crack down on the practice, several Canadian magazines have pre-emptively terminated their internship programmes.
“There will be a bit of a transition,” said Chare spokesperson Louise Duong. “But, we’re sure we can replace the interns with foreign workers with a minimum of – what? What did I say? WHAT?”
SOURCE: Women’s Wear Daily Worker
[http://www.wwdw.com/content/1&ID=%25%22%2DT%2FRE%2C%20%0A&type=a&mr=382&CFID=724462&CFTOKIN=18756035]
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How To Become A Honey Maid Man
With so much racial hatred breaking out in the world, it’s easy to overlook hatred towards those with a different gender orientation. Fortunately, Bigots Without Borders has enough of an attention span to call a faggot a faggot, especially when they are being supported by a beloved snacking staple.
So. The Honey Maid advertisement showing two men nurturing a baby. We do not agree with The American Decency Organization position that the graham cracker manufacturer is Satan. Abalam, Agares, Amaymon or some other minor deity, perhaps, and certainly not limited to those demons whose names begin with the letter A. We should be wary of diluting the effect of calling companies with a pro-gay agenda Satanic through overuse of the ter –
Whoa! NEWSFLASH! Is the union representing Ontario’s Catholic school teachers really planning on having a presence at the WorldPride 2014 Parade? Don’t they know that tolerance is a gateway to turning all of our children into homosexual predators? Supporting a gay parade is diabolical – yes, even Satanic, and we’re not afraid to –
Sorry. Knee jerk reaction.
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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