Thank you, Hal al Tref, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, Republicans in the Senate voted to confirm Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court one week before the Presidential election, even though many of them swore on video that Justices should not be seated in an election year. (“It wasn’t during an election year,” you can hear them cry. “It was during an election week!” This is the sophisticated level of argumentation you get when you elect lawyers to public office.) Many of the Senators voted for Coney Barrett despite the fact that they could lose their seats in the election. We guess they know which side their turd is buttered on.
A special shout-out should go to Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski, who, last time we checked, was a woman. She said she would oppose the Coney Barrett nomination right up to the day before the vote, when she said she had changed her mind. Why? She claimed that she was satisfied that Coney Barrett would not vote to overturn Roe v. Wade even though her previous legal writings suggested she would do just that and President Trump had publicly stated that any judge he nominated to the Supreme Court would double do just that. Either Murkowski is a few votes short of a majority, or she thinks her constituents are. Either way, don’t cry for her. Murkowski will be going to a better place next January: a right-wing think tank.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
“Ha Ha Hee Hee, No, Really, I – Oh, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!” Sends Its Own Eloquent Message
The main servers of the Reduhblican Party have been hacked. With one week to go in the election, the hackers have told Reduhblican leaders that if they aren’t paid a large ransom, they will release dirt on President Ronald McDruhitmumpf.
The President’s Chief of Staff Mark Meadabiggblubratt couldn’t stop laughing long enough to coherently respond.
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=35322971314698319787fx]
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It’s The Poetry Of The Trump Administration…And You Can Dance (On The End Of A Rope) To It
If it’s just not done
To cheat and lie
Who you gonna call?
(Normbusters)
If you must attack
Poke you rival in the eye
Who you gonna call?
(Normbusters)
I ain’t afraid of no norms
I ain’t afraid of no norms
If you wanna make bucks
But it’s not allowed
Who you gonna call?
(Normbusters)
The emoluments clause
Needs to be hollowed out
Who you gonna call?
(Normbusters)
I ain’t afraid of no norms
I ain’t afraid of no norms
Who you gonna call?
(Normbusters)
Who you gonna call?
(Normbusters)
The Supreme Court can’t hear you!
(Normbusters)
Aww, who you gonna call?
(Normbusters)
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/814.html]
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Some Politicians Should Leave Projection To Movie Theatres
“This is a group that he supports. He doesn’t want to condemn them.”
– President Trump describing Joe Biden’s attitude towards violence at antifascist rallies at a rally of his own
“There is no excuse whatsoever for the looting and the violence.”
– Presidential candidate Joe Biden’s actual stated attitude towards violence at antifascist rallies
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes<.p>
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Mike Pence Did Not Approve This Column
…Which Works Out For All Concerned, Really…
1der Woman) Match the Presidential candidate with the celebrities that have endorsed him:
a) Joe Biden
b) Donald Trump
c) Mickey Mouse
i) Ted Nugent, James Woods, Jon Voight
ii) Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny, Marvin the Martian
iii) Halle Berry, George Clooney, Billy Crystal, Robert De Niro, Leonardo Dicaprio, Chris Evans, Tina Fey, Tom Hanks, Samuel L. Jackson, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Lopez, Bette Midler, Robert Redford, Sir Patrick Stewart, Kerry Washington, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Spike Lee, Billie Eilish, Madonna, Katy Perry, Bruce Springsteen…
Johnny 2-Tone) Why are packed classrooms OK in Ontario but trick-or-treating isn’t?
a) is this…is this a question that has nothing to do with the American election? I am so sick of the wall to wall coverage of the American election! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Johnny Twice-Tone) Umm, okay. You’re…welcome? So, why are packed classrooms OK in Ontario but trick-or-treating isn’t?
a) no idea
b) haven’t a clue
c) I don’t know – maybe it has something to do with Donald Trump? – but thank you so much for asking!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Put Another Way: He Has Slipped The Bonds Of His Physical Straitjacket
James “The Amazing” Randi, a magician and debunker of spiritualism who was one of the founders of the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry, has died of age-related causes. He was 92 years old. When we tried to contact him via Ouija board, we got the message: “I may have to rethink my position on spirituality…”
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Insurance Companies Consider Compassion A Pre-existing Condition
Ontario is planning on providing COVID-19 liability protection to some businesses. That means you may not be able to sue the nursing home where your sweet aunt Berthelina “The Sundered” Articgoke died of the disease.
“Oh, be fair,” Attorney General Doug Downey explained. “If, through no fault of their own, nursing homes cut their staffs and didn’t put proper protocols in place in order to maximize their profits, should they be penalized when their clients die? Honestly – where does people’s compassion go in the middle of a crisis‽”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2020/10/22/509727.html]
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Virtual Penguin Golf – Why Doesn’t ESPN Cover It? WHAT IS BIG SPORTS HIDING‽
Virtual penguin tickling. It’s not exactly golf. However, in times of pandemic when the usual methods of wooing clients are not available, legal firms have to think outside the fairway.
“We want to make liquidating the assets of acquired firms fun again,” intoned Paulayn Rand, the chief investment officer of third-party litigation financing company Omni Scent Bridgeway Canada, in a voice that sounded like doom. “If that means tickling penguins at a distance, well, I have public liaison officers who tell me that that’s a good thing. So, ha. Ha. Ha ha. Enjoy.”
Other methods include: mystery meat rooms, virtual beer tastings (you might think all virtual beer would taste the same, but you would be wrong…apparently) and trivia challenges (considering how many questions are on 19th century tort reform, they can be very challenging, indeed). Being blocked from their usual avenues, law firms of all sizes have had to be creative.
“Creative…within the parameters of the law,” Rand insisted. “If only our clients would be entertained by a good 600 page class action brief…”
SOURCE: Business Law Daily
[http://biz.mcferber.biz/pubs/BLD/login]
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