Thank you, Grecian T. Snooze, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, our proctologist told us to “drop a thou” so he could examine us. We were, of course, outraged. “What is this – the United States?” we fumed. “We pay taxes so we don’t have to pay for common medical procedures. That’s what differentiates us from the animals!” When we started to wind down 22 minutes later, our doctor said she had told us to “drop trou,” and asked us what we thought we had heard. Great. Now, in addition to having a prostate exam, we have to get our hearing checked!
We’re having second thoughts about this whole “growing old” business…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Pakistan Moans, “It Wasn’t A Chall – Oh, Dear, What Have We Just Done‽”
Turkey, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia have signed a mutual defence agreement stipulating that an attack on one of them will be considered an attack on all of them.
Iran took one look at the agreement and responded: “Challenge accepted!”
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2026Aug14.html]
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He’s The MC At The Dissolution Of The Country
some kind of 1derful? I don’t think so!) COMPLETE THE SENTENCE: Mark Carney is a Liberal in the same way that…
a) …a lion is a vegetarian.
b) …repeatedly banging your head against a wall is a good cure for a stomach ache.
c) …turning up the volume on your stereo will stop the neighbours from complaining about how loud the music is.
if other countries jumped off a fascist cliff, would you jump 2?) Why did Mark Carney run in the last federal election as the Liberal leader?
a) the tattoo on his chest that reads “The NDP is full (of it) and the Conservatives don’t want me” didn’t leave him much choice
b) he thought he was joining the neo-liberal party, and by the time he realized his mistake, he was already Prime Minister
c) he wanted to win the election
are 3 parties really enough? I’m having doubts…) Why did the Liberals invite Mark Carney to lead the party in the last federal election?
a) the Liberals wanted somebody as different from Justin Trudeau as possible, and they were indifferent to the consequences
b) Liberal insiders suspected there was so much concern about Pierre Poilievre’s Conservatives in the country that they could run anybody with a pulse and a calm demeanour against him, and they wanted to put it to the test
c) the Liberals wanted to win the election
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Aaaaand That’s Another Baby Whose Childhood Was Ruined By Hollywood
They Could Just CGI The Child Into The Picture, But Nooooooo…!
Terror on Flight PD444 (also known as Baby Steps)
written and directed by Steven Spielberg
starring Ewan McGregor, Zendaya, Alfred Molina
special guest appearance by Tom Hanks as Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger
A child is loose on a Porter Airlines aircraft, refusing to sit quietly in its seat to allow the red-eye from Toronto to Victoria, BC to take off. As the minutes turn into hours, passengers become increasingly on edge, turning the tin can into a powder keg of emotions. Could this be Spielberg’s Lifeboat?
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0178350/]
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I Don’t See Anything Like That In The Province’s Charter, But I…I Can’t Afford A Lawsuit…
Hot on the heals of a court ruling that said the province could not expand the Billy Bishop airport on the waterfront, Ontario has won a case that challenged its power to remove bike lanes from Toronto streets. The Court of Appeal overturned a Superior Court ruling that such a move was unconstitutional.
“At last somebody got it right!” Premier Doug Ford fulminated. “Ontario has the absolute right to take a vibrant, livable, diverse city with a lot of personality and turn it into a soulless investment opportunity for the wealthy! And if anybody says otherwise, I’ll see them in court!”
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=312012]
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When Court Orders He Continually Defies
Trump Lies
Where the Truth Goes to Die (of Embarrassment)
When he tells you to disbelieve what you can plainly see with your own eyes
Trump lies
When it comes to his rallies’ size
Trump lies
When he argues he and his family aren’t raking in money from his corrupt enterprise
Trump lies
To give cover to his racist allies
Trump lies
When health issues he denies
Trump lies
When accusing of treason people he has come to despise
Trump lies
When he insists he doesn’t want all Americans to be immigration spies
Trump lies
When covering up evidence of how badly the Earth fries
Trump lies
When he portrays loyal hacks as being wise
Trump lies
When into the lives of opponents he claims nobody in authority pries
Trump lies
When evidence of Israeli war crimes he belies
Trump lies
As American after American in his war of choice dies
Trump lies
When he claims responsibility for the economy’s rise
Trump lies
To give insurrectionists patriotic alibis
Trump lies
When he claims to care about starving and/or sick people’s cries
Trump lies
When it comes to how dishonest he is – surprise!
Trump lies
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/987.html]
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Q: In Other Words, You’ll Retaliate?
GREER: Don’t Be Clever. It’s Not Your Strong Suit!
“If a country retaliates against us, we’re obviously not going to tolerate that. We’ll take action.”
– US Trade Representative Jamieson Greer
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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“Liberal” Prime Minister Mark Carney Nods His Head In Approval
FOREST FIRES WON’T WAIT.1
It’s time for a national waterbomber fleet.2
DE HAVILLAND AIRCRAFT OF CANADA LIMITED3
Notes
1. …Five to seven years for us to produce the planes necessary to fight them. Ten to 12 if there are delays, and with complex tech like we’re proposing there are always delays. But you know, given the state of the world, there will always be devastating forest fores, so there will always be a need for waterbombers.
2. What’s that you say? It’s time for an aggressive political agenda to fight global climate change? Sorry, but that ship has sailed.
3. It’s our patriotic duty to help our country out in a crisis. And if we can make a little profit while doing it, well, who are you to object, some kind of Commie or something?
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1082911704]
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