Thank you, Googles McAfee, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we asked the Dalai Lama if he would write the introduction to one day’s Daily Me. He laughed so hard, he snorted green tea out of his nose! Emboldened by his joy, we asked again. Well! Our jaws dropped so fast and hit the ground so hard they’ll have to stay in slings for at least a month! For a holy man, he sure knows some nasty language!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Somewhere, A Tear Of Joy Falls From Joseph Stalin’s Eye
arrested as a 15 year-old on a battlefield
denied child soldier status by being calling an “enemy combatant,” a term not recognized by international law, and a “terrorist,” a term not usually applied to soldiers captured on a battlefield in wartime
denied the right to an attorney
denied the right to habeus corpus
denied a trial in a civilian court
had the date of his trial in a military court repeatedly moved back
had evidence that he did not throw the bomb that he is alleged to have killed an American soldier with ignored by military and civilian authorities
held for eight years in a prison in which he was tortured
the American government claims a confession from him was not coerced
YOU ARE HERE: the American government holds a sentencing hearing in which he is vilified by members of the dead man’s family and paid expert witnesses
listen as the right gloats that justice has been served
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=702&dir=bb]
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Clear As The Mud On Your Reputation
Sir John Sawers, head of Britain’s MI6 spy agency, gave a speech in which he said, “Secrecy is not [REDACTED FOR REASONS OF NATIONAL SECURITY]. Secrecy is not there as a [REDACTED FOR REASONS OF NATIONAL SECURITY]. Secrecy plays a crucial role in keeping Britain [REDACTED FOR REASONS OF NATIONAL SECURITY]. If our [REDACTED FOR REASONS OF NATIONAL SECURITY] become public, [REDACTED FOR REASONS OF NATIONAL SECURITY] won’t work.”
Sawers added that he hoped this would clear up any misconceptions the public had about his institution.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/
DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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Somebody Needs To Rethink The Name Of Their Corporation!
I got an email with the subject line “A Note from Jigsaw.” I thought it might be evidence that I was being stalked by the main character from the Saw movies, but it turns out it was spam from a company called Jigsaw. Darn my luck!
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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The Crowd Was Very Respectful After That
At a speaking engagement in Toronto, former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was asked by a member of the audience, “How does it feel to be a war criminal?” Rice angrily snapped her fingers and security led the questioner out the door. She has since disappeared, although she is suspected of being held in a secret American prison in Afghanistan.
“It feels pretty good,” Rice then responded to the laughter of the crowd. “Really good, actually.”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2010/10/22/209823.html]
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Q: What Do The Provincial Premiers Call It?
A: Hush Your Mouth – This Is A Family Publication!
Q: The federal government has decided to build new prisons to house the increased number of felons it plans to create – err, jail. Finance Minister Jim Flaherty has budgeted $2 billion for the project. He has told the provinces that he expects them to cough up the remainder of the $10 billion or so the prisons will likely cost. What does he call this?
A: Federal-provincial cooperation.
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2010/10/18/539726.html]
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Canadians Unexpectedly Cool To Our Priorities
EIGHT CONVERSATIONS WE WANT CANADIANS TO HAVE
LAST WEEK: How can boys possibly grow up to take their rightful place as captains of industry and leaders of society if they don’t do as well in school as…girls? What is wrong with our education system?
THIS WEEK: The F35 is a shiny, shiny object that the Canadian people should be proud to own. And, yet, they aren’t. Clearly, Canadians are not falling in line with the Conservative shift away from peacekeeping towards a more muscular military policy. What is wrong with us?
NEXT WEEK: There is a tactile sensuality to paper that you just don’t get with online publications. Yet, Canadians are abandoning newspapers for a variety of forms of electronic information. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20090102.eladvote0102_@/BNStory/specialOurAgenda2010/]
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So Much For The 12 Octopus Head A Day Diet!
The city of Seoul, South Korea, has advised against eating more than two octopus heads a day, announcing that they contain hazardous amounts of a known carcinogen. Well, that’s what they say, anyway. Some people have suggested that the real reason they want to slow the cephalopod slaughter is that they hope to find the next Paul the soccer winner picking octopus.
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#53238727644]
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Never Attribute To An “Enthusiasm Gap” What Can Be Explained By Voter Suppression
The Wisdom of the Beltway
BEFORE ELECTION: Claim that the Democrats will lose because of an “enthusiasm gap.”
DURING ELECTION: Turn a blind eye to Republican operatives intimidating minority voters, suppressing votes that likely would have gone to Democrats.
AFTER ELECTION: Claim that the Democrats lost because of an “enthusiasm gap.”
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=701&dir=bb]
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I’m Deeply Offended By You…Uhh, You Saying – Umm – Sorry, What Did You Just Say Again?
Making fun of World Alzheimer’s Day would be too easy. Forget I mentioned it.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Some Things Just Explain Themselves
“The Rob Ford paradox”
– Globe and Mail
“Why we’re losing the fight against bullying”
– headline on the article below
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1376533038]
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If McAdams Hopes to Win He Should Probably Renounce His Connection To Dilbert
It’s the latest gotcha question in American politics: “If Santa Claus ran for President in 2012, would you support him?” It was asked most recently in an Alaskan senate race candidates debate, where Democrat Scott McAdams replied: “More than Sarah Palin!”
Teapublican candidate Joe Miller snorted. “Santa Claus,” he claimed, “was the original wealth redistributor. There is no mention of him in the Constitution. And, he is an illegal immigrant, taking jobs from American pseudo-religious figures. Not only would I not vote for him, but I would consider using my second amendment rights to oppose him!”
All across America, a shudder ran down the spines of four year-olds.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2010-10-25-grate-scott_x.htm]
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