Thank you, Gilead Anderson, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, Paul Alexander told a meeting of Conservative MPS that mask mandates were responsible for mass shootings in the United States because, well, executioners wear masks when they off people, so QED motherferker! QED! By this reasoning, raccoons should be held responsible for mass shootings because they were born wearing masks! I see your QED, motherferker, and raise you a speechless in the face of my superior logic? Ha ha – of course you are!
Politics is so much easier when you replace rationality with rage. At this rate, we’ll never lose an argument!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
False Equivalence, Real Consequences
Even deplorables settle. YOU WANT: to be Captain America. YOU’LL SETTLE FOR: being The Hulk. YOU’LL GET: Being The Tick. If Fox anchortraitor Sean Hannity wasn’t paid huge sums of money to be blissfully unself-aware, he might be embarrassed.
He’s talking about an incident where Triumph the Insult Comic Dog loitered in the White House after taping a segment for The Late Show With Stephen Colbert. Because his official escorts had left, Capitol police arrested Robert Smigel, Triumph’s master (accomplice?), for trespassing.
Keep in mind, Hannity was comparing this to the January 6th insurrection, where five people died and over a hundred others were injured. About the worst thing Triumph the Insult Comic Dog could do would be to pee on the carpet in the Lincoln bedroom. Whoa – the two events were clearly separated at birth.
Okay, for autocrats, humour is a form of insurrection – that’s why former President Donald Trump wanted Alec Baldwin to be put in stocks in front of the Lincoln Memorial. Hell, he would have offered to buy tomatoes and give them away to anybody who wanted to pelt Baldwin with one (not from his own pocket, of course: he would have asked his followers to give him money to fight voter fraud and used funds he had raised that way to pay for it, but it’s the thoughtlessness that counts).
In the basket of deplorables, it’s always the thoughtlessness that counts. Just ask Sean Hannity.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
Does The Five Reallys Rule Come Into Effect If They’re Spread Out Over 27 Years?
According to a report by the Toronto police force, black and racialized citizens are five times more likely to be the victims of officer force than white ones.
“We’re sorry about this,” responded Police Chief James Ramer.
That’s nice, but we first heard that apology 38 years ago.
“Oh. Well, we’re really sorry,” responded Chief Ramer.
Yeah, we heard that one 27 years ago.
“Un hunh. The thing is, this time we’re really, really very sorry,” responded Chief Ramer.
Nineteen years ago. And again a couple of years after that.
“Oh, sure. Sorry. This time we’re really, really very sorry with…uhh…sprinkles on top?” responded Chief Ramer.
The nice sentiments are all fine and well, but when are you going to do something about the disparity?
“Do something?” Chief Ramer responded. “I apologized, didn’t I?”
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
Mmm…Chopped Liver
Don’t Be Knocking Such A Delicious Forshpeis!
The Senate has passed legislation intended to curtail gun violence, which means all it requires is the President’s signature to become law. Does it ban the sale of assault rifles? Well, no. Does it ban the sale of large rounds of ammunition? Again, no. But it does toughen requirements for young people to get guns and increase funding for mental health programmes, so it’s not chopped liver.
The bill was passed on a bi-partisan basis. Given the degree of polarization in Washington, you can be forgiven if you have forgotten what that means. The literal definition of the word is that both major American political parties had members who supported the bill. The practical definition of the word is that the Republicans knew if they didn’t do something about gun control in the wake of continued mass shootings, the Democrats would hit them over the head with the issue in the mid-term elections, so they agreed to the weakest possible action.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court, which just got a tattoo on its back of an eagle ripping the eyes out of an antifa protester above the phrase “Suck it libs!” in Gothic script, struck down a law in New York State limiting concealed carrying of weapons that had been in place for over 100 years. “Yeah,” Justice Brett “The Hit Man” Kavanaugh sneered, “a century of precedent ain’t enough to fookin’ stop us – you really fink passin’ sommit now’s gonna do you any good?”
SOURCE: The Legal Unintelligibler
[https://www.law.com/thelegalUnintelligibler/2022/06/24/beyond-radical-activism-lies-teenage-rebellion/]
Conservative MP A Breather Of Stale Air
“The PM doesn’t need a breath, he needs ethics.”
– Conservative MP Kerry-Lynne Findlay, introducing what was undoubtedly a rational, well-thought-out argument
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
Iranian Mullahs Nodded Sombrely And Said, “Good Call.”
Proving that they can walk and spit gum in the faces of elderly widows and orphans at the same time, the Supreme Court has struck down Roe v. Wade, the law that guaranteed women the right to abortions. Writing for the majority, Justice Amy Coney “Heaven Won’t Take Me and Hell Can’t Handle Me” Barrett explained that the ruling was based on the time-honoured legal tradition, “Nyah, nyah, be-yotches! We got more people on our side of the court than you do. Ha ha – sucks to be liberal, don’t it?”
In a concurring opinion, Justice Brett “The Devil’s Pwn” Kavanaugh wrote, “Don’t get your panties in a twist. We were put on the court to take down abortion, which is what we did. Mission accomplished. We aren’t going to touch any of your other precious rights.”
When he saw that, Justice Clarence “Recusal? Hah! You’ll Get My Vote On the Bench When You Pry It Out Of My Cold, Dead Fingers!” Thomas put his cigarette out on the palm of his hand and wrote his own concurring opinion, which included the musing: “You wanna know what other precedents we could strike down with this logic? Waddya got?”
What of Senator Susan Collins, who felt betrayed by Justice Kavanaugh, who gave her personal reassurances that he would not vote to overturn Roe v. Wade, even though that was the whole reason for putting him on the court in the first place? “Justice Kavanaugh has assured us that no other precedents will come under attack. He’s a Justice of the Supreme Court – I mean, he wears the robes and everything – so I think we should take him at his word.”
SOURCE: The Legal Unintelligibler
[https://www.law.com/thelegalUnintelligibler/2022/06/27/street-credulousness-is-in-in-washington-these-days/]